Please help with engagement dilemma

[Missy44]

Hi, Please can you help me?

My lovely partner of four years has just proposed to me and it's wonderful news. He proposed with a ring but it was too big so we went to change it.

When I was in the jewellers I found a different ring which was just beautiful. So different and lovely and it's the ring I want to wear for the rest of my life.

The ring my fiance chose was platinum, and that has a significance to me because my father (who has passed away) worked in a platinum mine, and it feels nice to have some reference to him in my wedding as he wont be there to give me away.

The ring I like is more expensive and in white gold. I have asked how much it would be to get it made in platinum and it would be around £650.

I work. We are complete equals, and I'm normally not materialistic at all, but I want the ring in platinum. Would it be acceptable for me to pay the extra £650 which I know my partner can't afford?

I don't see why not

Acceptable to who? Your fiancee?

Of course it would be fine. I changed my mind about the colour of the gold in my ring after we had bought it (I got a ring and my fiance got a watch). So I paid £300 myself to have it switched from yellow to rose gold.

Thanks for your advice, I'd looked at over forums on the internet, and some women have gone behind their partners back to 'upgrade' their rings, it hasn't been very well received and those women are being called gold diggers, even though they are upgrading with their own money.

I don't really want to enter into a marriage with any lies or secrets so I want to be open and honest, but I don't want my partner to feel obliged to pay for something that he can't afford.

Plus, good news, the jewellers has rung and it's going to be an extra £450 to have the ring in platinum, not £650.

Ask your DP what he thinks. You'd need to make sure he didn't interpret it as a rejection but if you explain gently I'm sure he won't mind.

And congratulations!

It would definitely be a bit odd to 'upgrade' secretly, but I don't see the problem otherwise - it's up to you how you spend your own money.

Do you think your partner would be upset or offended if you did this? Because if he's happy, and you're happy, then no one else's opinion really matters.

I work(ed) in a jewellers & you'd be amazed how often it happens. You'd also be amazed at the amount of women who openly say in front of their new fiancé how much they hate the ring he spent hours, days sometimes weeks choosing. Ouch. All these women who have hidden their change from their partners will have it come back to haunt them when they get to picking a wedding ring; it's really not advisable at all to wear platinum & white gold together.

Tell your partner that you loved that the ring he chose was platinum given the significance it holds for you & that you'd really like to get the other one in platinum & you really don't mind paying the difference. Do bear in mind that it will dramatically affect the price of your wedding ring when you come to get one. At current prices platinum is almost twice the price of the same ring in white gold.

Was just going to say about price for wedding ring would also be more too I am a total fuss pot but fortunately we chose the ring together, I think dp knew he'd choose the wrong one. He had his eye on a wiggly number which would be hopeless when trying to get a wedding band with it....I just said I really did like it but I thought on my hand the other one was so much better. He didn't really mind v laid back! Trouble is we want men to know what's in our head and when they try and get it wrong we end up with out knickers in a twist! Just tell him! Buy make sure you can buy him something too and let him choose it then it's fair