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Original poster

Church weddings...after divorce

12 replies

CocoPopsAddict · 24/01/2012 22:11

Hi all,

Just wondered if anyone has any experience with the above? DP and I have talked about where we'd like to get married. I always wanted to get married in a church, but he has been married before, briefly, and a good few years ago. If it's relevant, it was a kind of no-strings divorce (as far as that is possible), no kids, no financial arrangements.

Has anyone got married in church second time round? I was under the impression that the CofE don't normally let you do it - is that the general pattern?

OP posts:

HettyKett · 24/01/2012 22:14

Mmm, ask your vicar?

I'm assuming you do go to church. If not then, um, well, why do you want to marry there?

EdithWeston · 24/01/2012 22:15

Unusual in CofE, but depends on the attitude of the vicar and diocese and your specific circumstances.

Even if you're new at your Church, I'm sure a fellow congregants will be able to let you know if it's happened recently in your church. Or just ask the vicar next time you see him.

Kayzr · 24/01/2012 22:15

CofE will let you marry in church after divorce but it depends on the vicar.

Original poster

CocoPopsAddict · 24/01/2012 22:33

Thanks all.

I don't know of anyone else who has got married after divorce in our church... having said that I don't know everyone well and lots of people don't go every Sunday (myself included as I work shifts) so the congregation shifts a bit. I can't imagine myself saying 'So, have you been married before?' to a newly-wed couple!

I know I should just ask our vicar - I know it sounds silly but I will feel quite upset if he says no, so just trying to suss out what the answer is likely to be.

I guess that is not going to work!

OP posts:

rubyrubyruby · 24/01/2012 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LizaTarbucksAuntie · 27/01/2012 10:15

Hello,

Both DH and I have been married before, him in Church, me not (married a Muslim)

We are both churchgoers (DH is the Churchwarden) and were worried our Vicar might say no but when we asked he said so long as we weren't implicated in each other's divorce (ie adultery) he was fine with it.

We had a really really wonderful service in 'our' church with lots of our Church family attending which made it very special.

Chat to the Vicar,my guess is they will be calm postive and helpful.

Bue · 04/02/2012 14:05

The church has become more relaxed about this, and the fact that you actually are a member of the parish and attend regularly would, I imagine, work in your favour. Even if you can't get married there you can definitely have a blessing, which you could treat as the real "wedding" (a la Charles and Camilla) IYSWIM? Hope it works out!

5babyangels · 22/02/2012 23:40

We are getting married in church in 8 2 months. I am divorced and DP has never married. the rev fr james was totally supportive. I emailed him the problems in my first marriage, I was quite young at 22 and married in a registry office. Even at the time i didn't feel the civil ceremony vows had much meaning. Actually i don;t think i needed to pour out my heart and soul to him as he was so welcoming and very pleased we'd chosen to marry in his church. I think life has moved on so much in the last 20 years its not frowned upon so much now. I can't wait to hear our bands read in 2 weeks!

5babyangels · 22/02/2012 23:41

that would be 2 months....so sorry .....not 82!

geniuswater · 22/02/2012 23:57

I was married in church even though my dh had been divorced. We had to tell the vicar the reasons why he got divorced (i.e. explain that there was no adultery on his part). The vicar then had to write to the bishop for permission and explain that he was happy to marry us and the bishop gave the go ahead. The vicar was very supportive and it was such a special thing for me to get married in church. It is well worth asking - and as someone else said, even if you cannot have the wedding in church you could still have a blessing which is lovely, but you may be pleasantly surprised anyway - just ask! All the best

sashh · 24/02/2012 06:38

I know a couple of RC divorcees - it's a complete no no in an RC church so they both went to the local methodist church.

Methodists seem to be quite accomodating, they seem to have the attitude that it's better to be married in church regardless of your denomination

Jenstar21 · 04/04/2012 01:54

Or, you could do as a friend of mine did, and neglect to mention you'd both been married before..... and swear all of the guests to secrecy too! Actually, not recommended. But the vicar didn't seem to pry....

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