Feel like I'm doing something wrong...please help!

[Blundermum]

My DD is 8 months old and I don't know whether I'm coming or going, have no routine as such and I'm housebound for days at a time.
The problem is that some days she sleeps and sleeps with periods of about an hour in between before she starts to get tired again(don't shout at me hear me out ) so I can't get out to do shopping or anything.
Other days though, she won't sleep much at all.
It's the same with her food, she is so erratic.
I try to have a routine but I never quite know what she is going to do and I'm struggling as I find it hard to get out and I cant ask for help,as I couldnt say "she'll have her lunch at this time and then sleep or whatever!"
Phoned the HV and she said that she MUST be having certain foods and at least 500ml of milk a day and now I'm worried sick as some days, I'll be lucky to get two meals in her let alone milk!
Took her to the docs and he as good as told me she was fine and above average weight(which she is) but she cant be getting the right nutrients can she?
Have tried home cooked foods, jars you name it but sometimes all she wants is fruit or fromage frais.
I'm very worried, is anyone else experiencing anything like this?
Sorry, long one!

Oh dear. Have you tried just going out and doing your shopping etc regardless of whether she's asleep or not. I just carry on and do what I have to do and let my 8 mo old fall into his own routine when it comes to sleep during the day. Sometimes he'll stay awake when I'm out, sometimes falls asleep. He would normally have about 2-4 hrs during the day and then sleeps for 12 hours at night.

I never impose a strict routine on him but tried to get him into one by offering his food at these times and now he has a rough routine of ;
8am breakfast and milk
10.30 milk (sometimes won't take it and just wants sleep)
12-1 lunch
3-4 milk
6 dinner
8 bath, milk, bed
Sometimes he will also get up for a bottle at 5am

If all she's looking for is fruit or fromage frais have you tried mixing it with other savoury or meat stuff and then gradually decreasing the amount of sweet stuff? Or maybe try a sweet veg like butternut squash or sweet potato.

As for the milk, my own ds isn't drinking enough either, has recently dropped to about 300ml a day, so I've been told if he keeps on refusing it he may have to go onto iron/calcium supplements.

Hi, thanks for your response.
No I havn't because I'm a big wuss! Guess I should really but I worry about her getting overtired and having to abandon the trolley half way through.
I'd take her out first though
I'm just a bit worried after speaking to HV because she told me it was very important for DD to be having three meals a day and three milk feeds at this age.
How though, if they don't want it?!
She loves butternut squash and sweet potato but the HV said that it wasnt enough and she needs meat in her diet but she hates the texture.
I was cooking her loads of fresh veg and fruit but now I'm trying the jars so I know shes getting what she needs.
Problem is though, she only likes a couple of them.
I have spoken to other mums and noone else's LO is like this and I'm starting to worry now.

Ooooh now then - my overwhelming advice would be to firstly try not to worry!! Babies are classicly chaotic gorgeous beings with a 'new thing' to trip us up with once we think we've got the hang of them .

If it were me, re. the sleeping thing, I would just do what you want to do in the day and if she's awake when you want to go out, put her in her buggy and head off and if she's looking like she wants to sleep while you're still at home, put her in her buggy to sleep and then head off with her if you want to go out. It won't matter if she wakes up as she can have another snooze later

Now then, the food thing - with our DD we just offered her fingers foods and didn't bother with purees and we did (and still do) notice that she would go through phases of eating mainly fruit and then mainly bread and then mainly meat etc. I always put out a little selection of things and then just leave it up to her. The important thing is to not get anxious and not worry about how much they are or are not eating. I too would get in a pickle about when to offer food in relation to milk and the conclusion I came to was to offer milk at 'milk times' (whenever that may be) and then let her watch me eat my meals at normal meal times and let her help herself from my plate / pick bits off to put infront of her. It does take a few months before they start eating a decent amount but they LOVE playing with the food and more goes in than you would think.

Just read your last post - the health visitor is not giving you the right information. Babies can actually survive perfectly well on just milk (no solids AT ALL) until they're one and there was a programme not so long ago where a 6 year old boy had just milk and had never tried solid food and he was alive and well (not suggesting that's the way to go!!).

Your baby sounds perfectly normal to me and please don't worry - some reject milk before others and some never seem to each much solid food regardless of their age. The important thing is that she is offered it and then you have done your bit. Could you view meal times as messy play?? Just put a load of bolognaise / noodles / yoghurt on her highchair and let her play with it and see what happens? She's soon work out that it feels funny and tastes nice and is generally good fun to play with!

She doesn't need meat in her diet, plenty of children don't touch the stuff in their first year at least and there are plenty of other things she can eat. If she's drinking milk she's getting enough protein, but you can always add a handful of cooked lentils to her veg, or blend some beans in, or sprinkle in some wheatgerm, or stir some ground up seeds into her fromage frais. All these also contain iron, so are more than an adequate substitute for meat.

The milk thing is also a bit of a myth, if she's eating fromage frais it is as if she was drinking milk, but with the nutrients in a more concentrated form. Other foods also contain plenty of calcium, which is often more easily absorbed than what's contained in dairy products. Try broccoli, cauliflower, other leafy green veg, tahini, ground almonds, fish, tofu etc.

Most HVs (and indeed, most paeds) know absolutely nothing about nutrition so can't really give proper advice. I'd just buy a book if I were you and stop worrying, solid food before 12mo is only an accompaniment to milk really.

Message withdrawn

Thanks, I've just been to the supermarket where I had a chat with another mum who was looking a bit confused by the baby food and it turns out...you'll love this...that her HV told her the same thing so shes gone from cooking to jars too!!
How many people do they do this to?
Its bad enough being a first time mum when you have no idea what you are doing and no confidence without the people you should be able to ask for help making it worse.
Thankyouandgoodnight, Brangelina and knickersonmahead(love that, by the way) I have been doing all that you suggested and was told that it wasn't good enough.
Bloody kids, people were afraid of me in my last job and this LO is making mincemeat of me.
Thanks for all your realistic advice x

Blundermum, step away from the HV!

As Aitch says, food is for fun until they're one. Milk contains the nutrients they need. Food is an added extra. As long as when she does eat you're not feeding her Fruit Shoots and Gregg's sausage rolls you're doing just fine.

DS is nearly 1 and when his teeth are bothering him he can go a whole day and eat nothing solid. It's cool, he makes up for it other days.

How do these crazy HVs think animals manage? How on earth did we make it from cavewomen to here? In most cultures today in fact, babies don't start solids until they are even older than 6 months.

That should have read "in some cultures today", sorry.