To everyone who has successfully weaned a toddler from breastfeeding...

[hakunamatata7861]

To the amazing mumsnet community,

Could any veteran mums who have managed to get their boob obsessed toddlers to stop breastfeeding feeding please share their weaning journeys! How did you drop the night feeds with minimal trauma. I am worried about how going cold turkey would affect my DS but I really don't see any other option.

He is approaching 2, he has dropped all feeds apart from the middle of the night comfort feeds which occur 2-3hourly. From one boob only. We are co sleeping and I wouldn't want to stop just for weaning purposes. OH is in a separate bed in the same room and this works for us.

My main reason for weaning is for health purposes ( I have a long term chronic condition) and also TTC.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Move baby into his own cot. Continue to offer bf for a week or two. It’ll mean getting up in the night.

Then stop offering bf and offer water instead. It’ll mean tears for a few nights.

Alternatively, get DH to co-sleep with DS and deal with the night wakings. Won’t take more than two or three nights.

You could try wearing a high necked t shirt to sleep in and explain that the boob isn't available any more.

I understand the not wanting it to be traumatic. I'm winding down BF 21m DD now and some days manage 1 feed in 24 hours but other days she might desperately want 3 feeds. In any event she's having fewer feeds per week than she was a month ago so small steps in the right direction!

We started doing every other night bedtime so dh one night and me the next. I also started to cuddle in the night instead of offering boob. I very slowly and gradually said no more often. After a couple of months she said that my boobs weren’t working so think milk was drying up. After that we kinda stopped. She was just after two.

I've weaned 3 toddlers (18 months plus)

With my first, I just did the "don't offer, don't refuse" - she stopped asking within a few days as I think there basically stopped being any milk.

With my second, I did the high-necked top and focussed on getting her to start the night in her new bed (she still comes through and spends part of the night with us often, aged 5), then get in bed with DJ for a week or two. This seemed to help break the association.

With my third, I went away for the weekend (she co-slept with DH) and then just acted baffled when she asked - "Oh no, darling, we don't do that anymore - daddy gives you cuddles if you need us in the night!" She was actually 2.5 yo though so much easier to reason with and able to understand.

There is a book called "Nursies when the sun shines" if you'd like to night wean but continue feeding in the day for the nutrition/ immunological benefits, but since he's already moved on from daytime feeds it might be a bit of a backwards step.

A toddler really shouldn't be waking 2-3 hourly - that's what a newborn baby does! OP I would really urge you to stop co-sleeping, as your proximity and the habit and ease of feeding back to sleep are likely to be a positive feedback cycle at the moment. Also, if you're TTC sleeping in a separate bed from your DH is hardly helpful and what will you do when new baby comes along? Best to sort it out now, I would say.

So #1 I would put him in his own bed. That alone may cure the night waking, but if it doesn't then ...

#2 I would drop one feed at a time. If he's waking 3-hourly does that mean 2-3 night feeds? So decide which one you're doing to drop first and then when he wakes get your OH to go to him and pat him, shh him and tell him to go back to sleep. If he asks for you, then he can say 'No, Mum's tired, go back to sleep'. A night or two of that and hopefully he'll get the message and you can then work on the final one or two feeds. I personally wouldn't do cold turkey as a) it can be distressing for you both and b) you need to allow you body to adjust back to no milk production, so it's best to go three, two, one, once in the blue moon, stop, than stop dead!

Thank-you everyone for your input @juneau i think dropping one feed at a time is an excellent approach! I am really weak and give in to the boob too easily though, especially in the middle of the night where it is the easiest option. I am considering plastering them off to drop one feed at a time.

We have tried DS sleeping with dad but he always asks for milk and I end up giving in. I also feel bad for OH as he works long hours with a hefty commute whilst I am a SAHM so could nap in the day if needed.

Thanks so much to everyone else your comments have been helpful. I really love co - sleeping and wonder if anyone has managed to wean yet continue this?

I night weaned my son in December (22 months old at the time), I explained to him for a few days beforehand that in the night we would just be having water and cuddles (he was waking every 2 hours to feed before that). He still has a feed before bed but nothing after. The first night was pretty bad, he cried for hours (with me cuddling him, rocking him, singing to him etc. To try to sooth him). The next night was slightly better with him crying for half hour everytime he woke, the next night it was 10 mins etc. After a week he was sleeping through until 4am most mornings (but was then refusing to go back to sleep wanting breakfast!). It was a horrible week but he adjusted well and now never asks for milk in the night if he waked. He is in his own room in a cot though so it might be harder for you as you are cosleeping. Could your dh help with some of the nighttime wakings?

Can't believe people have got their toddlers off the boob.

My (just turned) 3 year old still asks for "titty" even in the day time and I can never get her off. I still have to breastfeed her to sleep and I've even told her she's now too old for boob she says "No, I'm a baby". Bloody nightmare.

I have night weaned two very different characters. One I did a gradual reduction, dropping middle feeds by offering water instead, and just saying no more boobie. Then I cut out the morning and then the bedtime feeds. The other wasn't having any of it so we did a complete harsh rip the plaster night wean. Cue pain and engorgement for me. But it worked. Both continued co sleeping and both loved a good nipple fondle for a long time after.

I weaned my daughter at 2 1/2 years by putting plasters over my nipples. She loved plasters so understood what they meant. We still co-sleep now. I honestly had no idea how to stop, but it becomes much easier as they begin to understand more.

I just said no at nights. It wasn't pleasant but by 1yo I had had enough. Cuddles ok at night but not feeding. Feeding just became uncomfortable at some point after that so I would distract and not offer. I suppose typically fully stopped at 18-22m.

Ahhh this is me. So. Ds is almost 2.5 and at Christmas, somehow, for some reason, he decided to start sleeping through (my Christmas present!). Two weeks later, he decides this isn't a good idea any more and we go back to the old days of waking every 2-3 hrs, but added to it being very upset on waking, etc etc. So we're back to cosleeping and bf at night. I blame teeth and a development leap so I'm going with it for now. But when he did sleep, I guess we'd built up to this: "bribery bed", complete with lego duvet, star wars stickers, one feed at bedtime, lots of "night night boobie", no more milk etc... We had a cup of milk to hand so when he did wake, that's all he was offred. It didn't actually take long before he slept so much better. But what do I know, he's back to square one for now.... I think once his teeth are through we will try it again.

@AliyyaJann this is hilarious. Have you tried something like vinegar on nipples. I started the process by making boob off limits (put a medical grade plaster over it) i still plaster up some nights to prevent the sleepy nipple fondling he is so attached to!

@AliyyaJann *one boob

Cold turkey with each of my 3 dc. DH dealt with the night wakings. I tried dropping down feeds but none of my dc were having that.

I didn't manage to drop feeds gradually, ds1 did not understand being allowed sometimes and not others. We did not bed share, but he was in a cot a couple of feet away from my bed. He would never settle for anyone else either.

In the end I went away for a couple of nights when he was 2, so he had to get used to dp putting him to bed and there was no chance of giving in. He learned quickly that was it and it was less traumatic than I expected. It was the end of naps though. He would go to sleep at night without boob, but no chance in the day.

Thanks for this thread, I was going to ask the same thing myself. It's so hard.

I keep telling DS that he's a big boy now and he doesn't need it anymore but he's having none of it.

I haven't got anyone else to go to him when he wakes up and he will tear at my clothes and scream for hours if I don't let him feed.

In the daytime I can generally get away with offering cows milk instead but if he's hurt, poorly or overtired, nothing else will do.

It's been 2 1/2 years now and I think it's time to call it a day.

For those who haven’t seen this, I always share it as I think it’s a fabulous blog and advice on how to go about gently weaning (or deciding not to after reading it)

drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

Other tips

• talk about it with your dc. Mummy’s milk is running out / can only be produced during the day

• “are you thirst or do you want a cuddle?” That was a repetitive question I asked my toddler. Cuddles can be good distraction. Offering a drink then provides them with the other need.

• talk in their language when refusing during the night. I followed Dr Gordon’s method more or less to the t, but I chose my times as later (12-7am) and when dd tried to feed, it didn’t quite go to plan until I said “milky all gone” ( milky could be what ever you call your milk) the “all gone” bit had an action and I offered a drink of water and a cuddle instead. It worked!

• fill them up during the day. More food snacks than you would normally. And if you’re night weaning first, the milk feeds during the day should become more meaningful too.

Hope this helps
We nightweaned at 1.5 years and then stopped feeding at 2.5 years.

Think I'll go with the plaster idea OP and vinegar as a last resort.

Thanks everyone for commenting, all your advice is really useful. @coached the dr jay gordon's does seem realistic, however I don't know if I can do the not picking him up etc. Last night I tried no milk up until 1am, he woke twice before that and I rocked patted etc. However as I was so alert for him waking I didn't actually get to sleep til almost 4am. Are there any mums out there who would like to try going through the weaning journey together? We could share stories and tips! @aliyyajann @greendinosaur?

@hakunamatata7861 I still cuddled as we were co sleeping.

I stopped feeding DD at 20 months just recently. We stopped daytime breastfeeds when she was around 13 months but she was still feeding regularly through the night while we co-slept. Fine for most of the night as she’d latch on herself and go straight back to sleep, but from around 3am she would want to be latched on continuously while she slept and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I may just have been extremely lucky, but we had no problems at all, despite me being prepared for trouble and worried she’d be traumatised. On the day I decided to stop I just told her the boobies were broken and there was no milk left. I reminded her a couple of times through the day and before bed which she seemed to accept. Thought I was in for an absolute nightmare when bedtime came and she asked, and she cried for a few minutes, then stopped, pointed at my chest, said ‘broken’ and went to sleep! For a couple of nights there were tears when she woke for a minute or two at a time (and not really bad screaming, just a little cry) and then she’d go back to sleep. Now she never asks. We still co-sleep but her sleeping is much much better and there was no trauma for us at all. So there is hope! Good luck!

I just went with "the milk is all gone" and repeated it until we both believed it! and wore sports bras and 2 tight t-shirts as he generally helped himself It took about 3 nights for him to stop asking (2y4m). He was a co-sleeping feed monster. All night, every night. We saw some old movies the other day, I look like a complete zombie in them, grey skin, huge rings round my eyes! We continued to co-sleep until 4, and he still comes in for "tummy hugs" (which is twisting/kneading the dead skin that 4 pregnancies has left me with) most nights, he's nearly 7!

Oddly, I just weaned my 3 dd's at 12,13 and 14mo. Just did it, no bother. Ds was just incredibly different.

Honestly, if the time has come, go for it. After three days or so the decision will be made either way as your milk will be gone. They do give in and forget about it, I promise!

Sounds good @hakunamatata7861!
I don't know anyone irl doing this so would be great 👍🏻

@greendinosaur I am planning to stop all feeds in the night on Friday night 15th Feb and depending on how it goes I will offer a morning feed if he is too distraught. Will let you know how it goes? When are you thinking of ceasing?

@lonelyoversharer thanks so much for your input! sports bra = excellent idea. My son is the same re the co sleeping and helping himself. Did your milk dry up after 3 days! I imagined it would take ages!