PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE if you care come take me by the hand and HELP me understand weaning!

[eenybeeny]

Hi your help is much needed!

I have a 7 month old baby who was one month prem.

We weaned him on to purees a while ago - earlier than I am happy with now but there was a lot of pressure from HV etc. and worry he was starving. He was breastfed until he was 3 and a half months old... I was desparate to BF him til he was 1 year old but he totally went off it and refused to do it so much against my wishes we had to switch him to formula. This was probably because of problems he had feeding at birth due to being prem some of you may remember earlier threads I posted at the time.

Anyway...

I just can not get him to eat anything. He has formula. And every now and then a proper dinner. When I say proper dinner I mean puree and a sweet puree afterwards.

I cant get him to take breakfast or lunch anymore. He was eating better but then got sick and since then even though he is totally recovered now he just wont eat. Every time I try to feed him it ends in tears, his and sometimes mine. He just doesnt seem to want it.

I have thought of trying BLW but despite a few attempts from friends on MN to explain it to me I really do not understand it. I just dont know what I am supposed to do. I obviously dont want him to choke on anything and developmentally he is only now behaving like a 5 or 6 month old so I dont know if HE can do HIS part of the BLW deal.

Please - whatever your views, come on here, take me by the hand, and tell me, what am I supposed to be feeding my baby????? How do I do it? By the way we are raising him vegetarian. I am open to BLW or any other thing that works, I just want him to eat. Please help. Thanks for reading this.

Just to say - feeding Alex has always been a problem. Some of you may remember he was syringe fed when he was born. I just want to get this right.

ok....until he is one, food is for fun ! milk is still the main source of nutrition.

stop worrying ! babies do not starve themsleves.. many , many babies go off solids when they are teething or ill, or recovering from illness...DD went 10 days without eating when she was getting over gastroenteritis!

as long as your baby is drinking milk, happy, alert , having wet and pooey nappies...don;t be too concerned about the amount of food that is going in, especially as he is recovering form an illness

weaning is recommended to start at 26 weeks, ie around 6 months.. so no harm if he starts eating properly later than that ..

if you want to do BLW, then this is a great site BLW blog

if developmentally you don;t feel he is ready, then stop! milk is just fine to meet his needs at the mo

if you want to go BLW, then just pop a few bits of finger food on his tray and let him pick up, chew, spit, ignore, play, and throw , and he will get the hang of it when he is ready !

if you and he are getting stressed and crying, call it to a halt for a few days.

First, calm down. If you're upset, he'll get upset.
Another tip is for YOU to be eating something too - even a little sandwich. Give him some v soft finger food to play with - small cubes of bread etc. Don't worry if he only plays with it, it's getting him interested. Then try, nonchalantly, giving him a spoonful of food. Again DON'T panic or worry if he doesn't want it.

Screw your HV (not literally) - he'll wean when he's ready to

You sound really stressed, poor you. We all worry so much about these things, looking for the right answer!.... First thing i can say is don't worry. Weaning is about introducing the baby to solid foods, and up until age 1 milk is still the most important part of their diet. As long as your little one is getting plenty of milk you have no need to worry, and you can let him experiment with textures and tastes at his own rate.

Debates on here testify that weaning is a very personal thing. Try not to worry, it will eventually become second nature for him to have solid foods.

Can he sit up in a high chair? Can he hold onto things well? Does he put things to his mouth? Does he try to grab things you are eating? If so, sit him up and offer him something while you are eating. No pressure, just let him play with it. Most will go on the floor.

My DD's first finger foods were toast with butter or spread with puree, organix crisps that melt in the mouth, and huge bits of dried mango she could suck on.

It sounds like what you need is taking by the hand for a cuppa and a big slice of cake.

Good luck - you'll be watching him eat a sandwich before you know it and wondering how you got to that point!

please keep posting I am really looking forward to reading it I am so in need of your advice! I am just dealing with the post-lunch tears at the moment and putting baby to bed then I will be back.

Sympathies, the sluglet had severe reflux issues, a result, we think, of being fed by nose tube in the incubator. We found anything she could hold herself was a good start. Good things were:

Asparagus
Fingers of cooked carrot
Thin slices of nectarine with the skin off (a particular favourite)
Rice and fruit puree mixed together (especially apricot)
Dried fruit e.g. mango, apple rings and apricots.

My mother's trick was to tie a piece of apple or pear in a bit of loose muslin. The baby can mush the food and suck it through the muslin and it has the added benefits of when, inevitably, it goes hurtling off the high chair, it's easy to pick up.

In the meantime, the advice about not stressing is the best. He will get enough from milk, the rest is just adventure.

Well Eeny - I think the advice you've had so far is fabulous.

I love the finger food ideas - cooked carrot sticks are going to be great for him to pick up and slobber on
a bit of bread with some butter on it for him to suck

Make a big show of eating in front of him and he may just reach out, or you can offer "here Alex want some?"

I think everyone saying that it's trouble when ill/teething and so on is just spot on.
Poor lamb has been from one thing to another and who knows what next?

He loves sitting up in his high-chair - we can give him some options and let him throw them on the floor, put them in his hair, his ear, his nose, squash them in his fat fists and who knows, perhaps even eat them.

For those who don't know, i'm the DH

Eeny, is that you with a slightly different name? When are you coming to my baby group then, eh?

I am sorry to hear about your worries about your Alex. I think food is THE most emotive of all the worries we have for our children so I would imagine you are feeling very stressed and upset atm.

My first thoughts are that if he is only developmentally 5 or 6 mo then it would be quite normal for him to be uninterested in food. I have known babies much older than this who were still mainly milk fed, with no apparent detriment to their health. I personally wasn't given solid foods at all until I was about 8 or 9 months, I don't think. I am pretty healthy with a normal (ish!) attitude to food.

I would definitely try to put this issue on the back burner for a while and just offer foods that Alex can feed himself, in a relaxed way. Milk will give him all he needs for a good few months yet, but what is important is that he enjoys trying food now (or just dropping it on the floor, or licking it) and doesn't get freaked out by you getting upset about it. I know it is easier said than done.

Hear Hear Franny!

I say we drop back and let him decide if what we offer is interesting

I nearly bought some of those Organix carrot crisp things for him, but got Biscotti instead.
The Biscotti are now linked in his mind with when he threw up during his tummy bug I think, so they need to be eaten by me I think.

Hi Franny yes its me! I would LOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVEEEEE to come to your baby group I keep meaning to email you. I need to know where it is and see if I can work out a way to get there as I dont drive but I am sure Alex and I would love it. Can you email me at senatorvass at gmail dot com?

Ok... breathe... thank you everyone for replying. I have read all your thoughtful replies and I think that I am going to stop trying to push the purees. He doesnt seem to want them so fair enough. I am currently taking the finger foods you all mentioned, and reading the blw blog lulu posted and I will totally revamp his menu as of today.

Question - what can I give him for breakfast that he can hold himself? Toast?

I think part of the problem may be also that I have stopped eating during the day in an attempt to lose weight. So he doesnt see me eat. BTW I am doing weight watchers I am just trying to lose extra at the moment I put on 3 stone with the pregnancy.

What are your opinions of the fact that he can have up to 4 bottles a night? HV says its because I am not getting him to eat enough solids during the day but I can hardly force feed him.

Thanks again for helping me I really need and appreciate it.

Yeah well that HV advice is clearly flawed - if he doesn't fancy the solids right now we can't give him more during the day

Perhaps bulking out on more milk - a bottle always available.

As he does still seem to like dinner, perhaps a bigger solid dinner.

as far as appropriate breakfast goes - well if he just wants a bottle then we should just do that, but a piece of soft buttered toast, or even just bread, can't go amiss......

Sal my darling... This is the same HV who thinks we are mad for not doing CC and also that we still have Alex sleeping in our room. She isnt the most modern HV around. And please, no offence to anyone doing CC or who has their little one in their own room. My problem with the HV is that she thinks those are the ONLY ways to be a good parent rather than tailoring the parenting to the baby.

Eeny I will try to email you later but poke me hard if I don't

LOL I love the way this thread is mostly you two gently bickering about what to do

Sal and I have a way of taking over threads the marriage just creeps in please dont let that put anyone off!

Franny do email me I want to try to attend... and it would be nice to meet another MNer I have never gone to a meet up.

Are you generally out meeting other mothers, Eeny? I think it would be helpful to be around other parents, maybe ones who are doing things a bit more your way?

I only have one good mum-friend around here and her DS is one year old so they are at different stages. Anyway he weaned onto purees at 4 months no problem. I could definitely use some more mummy-friends!

There are a few good 'what to have for breakfast' threads on the weaning board if you look back. Mine often has apricot wheats - great for holding onto even when soaked in milk. Yum!
She's currently having a snack of pear chunks and cheese.
Sounds like you two are a good team. Go with instinct. That HV doesn't know your baby, YOU know your baby! Much much much better than anyone else.

Hi Eeeny Beeney, I can really relate to your message. I just about flipped with HRH when I started weaning. It went v well for first 2 weeks then she went on complete hunger strike. I got more exhausted as not only was I prepping food she wouldn't eat but then was feeding her and then feeding her (breast milk). I stopped weaning completely except for her evening meal which she was better at taking for 2 weeks before starting again. I think this was the best thing I could have done as I was just getting stressed and she picked up on it I am sure. At 7 months I started again and she responded really well to finger foods. Basically anything (and I mean anything) that she could pick up I gave her. I still give her (at 11 months) a 3 course meal! Nibbles she munches on while I get the rest, a hot food of some description and then a pudding - same routine for lunch & dinner and for breakfast its toast (butter or vegemite) and then Readibrek. She still doesn't eat much but I've stopped worrying now about how many cubes goes in and as soon as she starts fussing I stop feeding. Hope this is of some help - even if it makes your realise you are not alone! Hang in there. Oh I always eat with her - breakfast I eat what she does, lunch will be different but always with her, and dinner I just snack on something to get me through to dinner time when Mr comes home. But when I started eating with her it made a huge diff. So did the highchair.

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Hi all! Tried BLW this morning with some bread with cream cheese on it and some banana. I dont think most of it actually went IN his mouth but patience, right? Thats probably pretty normal when starting out BLW right?

hrc sounds like our babies are pretty similar!

and jetjets, how old is your DS now? I did get advice to wean early and I took it and now wish I hadnt. And I HAVE looked into that book, thank you! I am looking for a copy on ebay today.

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hi eeny and sal,
everyone's pretty much covered everything, but i just wanted to especially agree that my DD goes right off food whenever she's ill. and why not? i'd rather get a lovely cuddle and lots of kisses and comfort food when i'm sick. (in fact, i do! i get fish in milk when i'm ill, that's what my mum made me when i was a kid).
the way i see it, the good thing about the 'until they're one, food's just for fun' mantra is that it gives you fully six months to crack weaning. so start worrying about it in six months, i say. until then give the baby finger food to muck about with (and it would be good if you could structure your own meals, maybe some lunch, together).
although i think dd was 11 months before she had anything approaching the full three meals a day so you can be relaxed about that too...
if you look on the blog you'll see that i've put things on that dd ate in the first month but it wasn't an exact science so just go with what you feel. for the record, toast can be better than bread, just because it's less likely to get bunged into the top of their mouths, so it's easier to eat.
good luck, but the main thing is to give yourself permission to back right off if that's what you feel you want to do.

plus, i meant to say that much as i don't know anything about babies with reflux or gastric tubes, it makes perfect sense to me that if i had been in pain while eating then i'd want to proceed very cautiously. i'm sure alex will get the hang of it, but there's plenty of time. oh, and yes, in the ear and up the nose is par for the course...

jetjets dont get pushed into weaning too early. I think I did and I wish I had taken my time now.

Aitch - thanks for posting. I have really enjoyed looking at your blog and its great for ideas. Thanks for telling me that about toast - I tried Alex on bread and it wasnt too successful so I will try toast next time. See I was under the impression he was supposed to be having 3 meals a day from 6 months so this is all new info for me. I appreciate it though as he just doesnt seem to want 3 meals a day so its better for me to take the pressure off.