HV stressing me as usual

[SarahOxon]

I've posted before about my (now) 9 month old who absolutely will NOT eat and never has. He puts up a tremendous fight when approached by a spoon (arms flailing, head whipping from side to side, wriggling to get out of his seat etc) no matter what is on it. He has no great interest in holding a spoon himself or in BLW (with the one exception of toast, which he chews but never swallows)! He finds fruit too slippery to hold and cannot manipulate chunks of veg. HV has been menacing before but at recent check has warned this has got to stop. She says he is not getting sufficient iron and vitamins (he is formula fed) and he drinks far too much milk (she's right on this one). He still wakes twice a night for milk and guzzles during the day. I have tried EVERYTHING to tempt him to eat. Is HV right about this?

He's picking up on your anxiety. What does HV suggest you should do? I mean, it's all very well to say this has got to stop, but what are her concrete suggestions?

The thing is, he does this when fed by me, DH or my mum i.e. anyone! Have walked away and left him to it - makes no difference. HV says what they all seem to say, which is cut down on his milk and he'll learn to eat because he's hungry. I know most MN's agree that this seems wrong. But he does drink far too much. But am I to leave him screaming and in tears?

How many bottles is he having a day? When did you start weaning? What advice has your HV given you?

(sorry for all the questions)

Had to think for a minute; he has a 250ml bottle 7-8 times in 24 hours (three between midnight and 7am inclusive)! Doesn't always finish them but always has about 200ml. I started weaning him at 4 months (same as DS1) on advice of HV. Didn't eat a thing. So another HV suggested at 5 months that I give it a rest. Gave him 4 weeks off and started again with purees etc - no interest. HV started ticking me off at 6 months because he wasn't eating a thing, so haven't really addressed it again until now. As said below - her suggestion/demand is cut the milk.

This is what I would do:

cut down on the milk. give him as many feeds, but don't give as much at each one.

carry on with blw. give him whatever he can hold and eat. sucking toast is fine, he has to learn how to do it and he probably gets a lot more into him than you think!
try rice cakes and breadsticks too and sticks of cheese. anything that isn't slippery.

offer him food frm a spoon if you want to, but don't try and force him to eat it. otherwise you'll end up with him getting upset and then refusing it in future.

and IGNORE the health visitor.
did she do bloodtests? if not then how does she know he isn't getting sufficient iron and vitamins?

also try and sit with him and have your meals at the same time.
give him small amounts of what you're having and just let him get on with it.

he'll be fine,honest

My son was not interested in solids at all until he was 10 months old. Then he developed bronchiolitis at 11 months and wouldn't eat until 13 months. He guzzled back milk though. He was on 4 bottles a night. He was fully formula fed at this point and had been for the majority of his life to date.
My (new) HV came round recently for his 18-24 month health check (she had never met him). He was napping and we spoke about him and his having toddler diahorrea and having inherited my minor chest problems and she suggested she would come back for a quick weight and height check the following. Then he woke up just before she left, and upon meeting him she immediately said that she no longer had any worries about him whatsoever and there was no way her scales would be sufficient.
Just go with him. Offer him good quality iron rich food. If he doesn't want it, ask your HV if she suggests holding his nose and ramming it in.... (as your only viable alternative as I recall).

Totally support the idea of him sitting with you for meals though, as per HairyMcClary's suggestion. They do eventually get the idea. It was durning one of these sessions that DS, aged 13 months, started ramming in fistfuls of my smoked mackerel risotto after projectiling pureed carrot for the last 7 months.

Ok, will give it a go! Hard for us all to eat together but always try to feed him with DS1 (who is nearly three). I live in hope he'll be fine! I just found DS1 such an easy baby to wean despite being extremely premature. I always remember another mum who had an 18 month old who would not eat and was seeing any number of nutritionists. Know I have a long way to go before things get to that stage (!) but it would just be my luck.....

Agree with everything hairymclary said. Do you think he would have a problem if you tried to sneak some different toppings onto the toast? Not really from the point of view of eating, more just having different textures and tastes in his mouth. I think that I would count it as a victory if he puts stuff in his mouth and not worry too much about how much was actually going into his stomach at this stage.

My dd2 is 11month and has only started eating anything properly in the last two weeks.
I was panicking too as dd1 will eat anything in sight and has done since she was weaned.
I think it's the same ass anything with babies, it wsill just suddenly click and they'll suddenly be munching on anything you put in front of them.
Def agree about sitting down and eating together if you can.
Re his milk intake can you substitute some bottles with juice instead of milk during the day? At night time I've got no room to speak as dd2 still wakes up for milk in the night but she's just cut down to waking once now, sso just be patient.
hth

I really feel for you - could you cut down his milk intake gradually (ie take out one during the day maybe nearer to what is our lunchtime, or teatime, and offer him water in his bottle) He will probably get really upset but persevere with it, instead of his milk you could offer him something on his highchair tray for him to "play" with ie scrambled eggs or cooked and chopped vegetables. It is possible he associates the spoon with "oh my god, here we go again!!" and will reject it automatically. But if he is allowed to "play" with the food in front of him - and most of it will prob end up on the floor, he might learn to take a more relaxed approach to solids and decide to start tasting it for himself ! I am certainly no expert but it's worth a try - could get really messy though!!! Good luck and try not to worry too much

sarah - i am tempted to say get a new Hv but suspect that woulndt help you feel better.....

I have a 10 month old who is not very keen on being spoon fed either. But he will eat lots with his fingers - fruit, veg, cereal, sandwiches, pitta with hummous, eggy bread etc. Couldnt you persevere with giving him bits of food so he gets better with his hands? It sounds like he doenst seem to get upset when you do this so you have nothing to loose.

I keep thinking that my Ds has eaten nothing as the floor is COVERED with food afterwarsd, but later when i change his nappy I can see he has ( sorry TMI)

I shoudl add that I have a 2yo who is a very poor eater so i knwo how bad it makes you feel. Pushes all the mummy buttons . And I dont have a cr8p Hv making me feel even worse

hhhmmmm, i'm with hairymclary on this one. and i'm certainly not sure about the idea that he's not getting enough iron... the formula i use is jam-packed with the stuff. It doesn't sound like your HV is much use, really, menacing you but not offering anythign other than starvation as a method of encouraging him to eat. it's a shame for you that she is making you more anxious, you just don't need that kind of stress. i know that the Yahoo BLW group mothers said that many of their babies didn't get the hang of eating til 12 months, so in that respect your baby is quite normal it would seem. i think hairy's right about the family meals if you can manage to, and i'd also suggest handing him rice cakes to try while in the buggy, as the fact that you're not looking at him might help, maybe?

Thanks. Tried to withhold milk last night (gave him boiled water). Bad idea-after nearly an hour DH caved and gave him milk! Am going to try in the day tomorrow.

I was thinking about this today and I've decided one of the key issues is that when he gets hungry he works himself into a frenzy very very quickly. He has to have milk because absolutely nothing else is a quick enough fix. Then when I try a meal an hour or so later he is too full or stimulated by other goings on and just wriggles to get away from highchair/spoon/food etc. Tonight was a case in point. He had his milk then a play for 45 mins and then I put him in the highchair alongside his brother for tea. I decided on the BLW approach with just a tray full of colourful veg. He didn't so much as touch one and just arched his back to get out and cried. DS1 was then having a yoghurt so I put DS2 on my lap to try one too but he fought so much it flew across the room. Ten minutes later he started screaming for milk again, so he must have had an appetite.

There never seems to be right time!

Is it possible to give him less milk rather than substitute something else? Could you be really sneaky and cut down really gradually (for instance make up 200ml rather than 250, then go down to 150?) I do sympathise with you.

It sounds as though you know quite a bit about BLW, but I have heard good things about this book. Finger Food . I don't know how good it is for under ones, but it might have some good ideas.

that book isn't that brilliant for younger ones, tbh.
what about fusilli pasta or bread, would they be a big enough carb rush?

or give him food when you know he's not hungry but might like somethign to chew on for his teeth? i find crusty bread good for that purpose.

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I had similar problems with my ds who didn't take to food at all until he was around 10 months. The only difference was that he was bfed rather than formula. I found it helped to actually stop offering him any food at all for a week or so, so that he would forget the trauma of it all. Then just offered him little bits of whatever i was eating on a really informal basis, not even at the table but while he was doing something else. A bowl of dry Cheerios was also a good one. Gradually, over the course of a few weeks he started to trust that there might actually be something nice on offer. We then went back to a routine of sitting at the table and having set meal times. He is pretty good now at 13 months (although I do still mess it up for a few days every so often by getting stressed about what he should be eating and trying to force in things he doesn't want - then it all goes pear-shaped for a few days). It is really frustrating though, my thoughts are with you.

sneaky, gglimpopo...

maybe trying stronger flavours is a good idea, though, cos my dd only likes mature cheese, won't touch mild, and things like avocado she finds too boring to eat. oooh, good luck, it must be stressful ...