Having a wobble about BLW

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DS is 6.5 months, we've been doing BLW for approx 3 weeks and DS seems to be enjoying it. We're giving him things such as fruit and veg (mostly softened, some not eg peppers, cucumber), peanut butter on toast, porridge sticks, pasta with tomato sauce, pitta bread with philadelphia etc He has had one piece of beef which I cooked so that it wouldn't fall apart and he had a good suck on it but I'm worried about giving other meats as my mum says grown men have been found to have choked to death on meat so I shouldn't give it to him.

My mum is not keen on the idea at all, she wants me to cook everything so that it will "disintegrate in his mouth so he can't choke" (ie puree!). If I give him anything that doesn't, she says that it's on my head if he chokes and dies and makes me feel like the most awful mother in the world for feeding my child food! Eating together yesterday, I did spoonfeed DS a few bits of mashed potato to please her, which DS guzzled up and seemed to really enjoy.

Also, a few times he has coughed while eating something, so much that his eyes water and he looks scared. This has frightened me a bit - is this really 'gagging'??

All of this has really knocked my confidence with BLW so much that the foods I've offered DS today, he hasn't touched and I'm quite glad.

Anyone have any advice please? Thanks

Just do what makes you feel happy and relaxed. The aim is to get him to eat family meals. It is a very short time and unimportant how you get there. It is all mother led- the baby can't say 'excuse me but could you mash that please'! They have a choice of whether to eat what you give them or not. People have a weird idea that you can get things down a baby if they don't want it! Try a variety and then you will find out what they like.

If it's causing you a lot of distress then it might be that BLW is not for you. It doesn't matter how you wean, so if you feel more comfortable doing purees then do that

However, I would say that if the only reason you are wobbly is your mum's ridiculous attitude, then stick to your guns. If you change what you do because of someone else's issues you may regret it in the long run.

Gagging does look a bit alarming, but it's a vital stage in learning how to move food around in their mouths. It's actually a good thing as it's a protective mechanism and means that they are not choking! Choking is silent and much scarier. You can tell your mum that babies can just as easily choke on purée as on finger food. My ds went through a few weeks of gagging a lot until he learnt to move food around well enough to swallow without gagging.

If you decide to continue with BLW it's important not to react to gagging at all. I literally ignore gagging and usually whatever it is either pops out and gets rejected, or it gets picked up for a second attempt! Your baby will only get scared of gagging if they pick up on your panic.

I know people can't stand the phrase but I think it applies in this case - 'happy mother, happy baby'- they pick up on anxieties and worries.

Gagging is fucking terrifying but do not react outwardly (while inwardly preparing to perform heimlich)

I could not count the amount of times I was about to turn dd upside down before she sorted it out.

Get informed about how to deal with it if they choke and just let them get on with.

Don't stop for mum/mil if its what you want to do.
Feel free to mix purée and finger food if your more comfortable.

It took til about 9mo for dd to stop regularly gagging but I had calmed down about it by then!

I think the key is knowing what to do if they choke because let's face it EVERYTHING is a choking hazard until they're about 3! You've got to let them feed themselves sometime.

Fwiw I literally gave dd everything but whole nuts from about 7 mo and it worked great for us.

I spent the first three mo of blw doubting myself and i know what you mean re being glad when they don't pick up the food. All my nct group were doing trad weaning and I felt like a bad mum as DS hardly ate anything til he was over 8 mo. Even now at almost 11mo there are days he virtually touches nothing.
I agree with what everyone else has said you need to do whats right for you and your baby. Try spoon feeding as well and do a mix. There are no rules. But dont compromise because youre worried what other people are saying as youll just feel miserable about what should be an exciting (if messy and hard work sometimes) chapter in your baby's life.
Chocking is silent and the baby will be very very distressed. I used to worry that i wouldnt know the difference but you will. Only once have i thumped DS in the back and that was the other day when he was greedily shoving pasta into his mouth til each piece was lined up all the way down his throat ;-)
Relax and have faith in whichever way you chose. Its early days yet and soon weaning and solids will just be part of your routine.

Ps as long as they are coughing they are still getting air. Its when they go silent you need to worry. Same as for adults.

Does he have any teeth?

I found my DS only really got the hang of fingerfoods when he had a couple of gnashers.
Before then he used to like me to load up a spoon with puree and hand it to him to get it to his mouth by himself.

All the things your giving him sound good although I was warned off peanut butter in case of allergies (don't know if this is right or not though- now I come to think of it)

I think meat is pretty hard for a baby to manage- even well cooked. I've not had any luck there. For protein we did pieces of hard boiled egg, mussels, hummous on a bread crust and milk of course!

I remember being quite nervous about whether I was doing weaning "right" and started a few different threads. Seems hard to believe now, watching him chomp through bananas and bread sticks like nobodies business. (hes 11 months now) At 6.5 months most of the nutrition is meant to come from milk anyhow. Sounds like your doing good. :)

Firstly ignore your parents, I know it is hard. My parents had a stand up screaming match at me about it and how I was endangering my sons life with some off the wall idea. I tried to explain the principles behind it and encouraged them to do their own research and said we could then have an informed chat if they were still concerned after that. I also accidentally left one of my books on it there. I have the river cottage one and I think once my Mum saw that Hugh FW was all for blw she was much happier!
Gagging will happen extremely regularly for a few months, they are not choking and my son was very happy after a good gag and then re eat the food he gagged up, it is a very natural process. You just need to not show the panic.
You need to choose the weaning method you feel comfortable with however the trickiest bit with blw is getting over the first handing them solid foods which you have done brilliantly. You will have some days where they seem to eat nothing but just plaster themselves the floor and table in food but it is all part of the process. My ds is now 11 months and adores going out for lunch. We take him everywhere including Michelin star restaurants as he sits there so happily trying new foods. We rarely get him anything off the children's menu instead choosing him a starter or asking for a small version of a main. Last week he was happily chomping his way through steak tartare and escargot extremely happily. It is worth it in the end.

Just a word of warning, Florin, babies who eat anything often change at around 2years and whether they continue to eat anything has nothing to do with how they were weaned.

Indeed - chose blw because it works for you not because youre guaranteed a toddler who isnt in some degree fussy about some food, because youre not!

Yes-11 months is still at the start- it is not the end!

Not the end but when is the end? I started a fussy stage at age 14! However I am at the end of him getting used tobdifferent textures and now I know he is physically able to eat most things. We are just really enjoying the stage he is at the moment, it is so much fun letting him join in with meals rather then some people I know who are still squeezing pouches of purée down their neck quickly before they enjoy their meal. I know at 2 he could decide actually then one thing he hates at the moment (chips) is the only thing he will eat but we will tackle that when we come to it.

Just enjoy the stage he is at! By 11months those who started with purées are eating everything anyway.
They are all different. Mine had a a very varied diet- it just happened to include sloppy type things too - I don't see why they need to miss out on things on a spoon - we eat them as adults.
They were all pretty good up to about 2/3 years.
DS1 fussy from about 2yrs to 12 years and then ate anything.
DS2 fussy from about 2years and still has what I would call a restrictive diet at over 20years.
DS3 always ate everything and up for anything new- is now an adventurous cook.
How they are weaned is utterly irrelevant to how they eat later on. MIL has a very traditional, very repetitive diet and DH and his brother are the exact opposite- you could say she did them a favour as it made them keen to try new things and experiment!
Since it is irrelevant just do what suits you- the aim is to get them to eat family meals as soon as possible- you have succeeded.