Should I ask them to make the cake?

[boobashka]

I'm hosting a family gathering for my mum's 70th birthday in a few weeks time. We originally planned to go away for this celebration but due to my dad's cancer diagnosis this is not happening and everyone is coming to mine - my brother and sis in law plus their 2 kids plus my other brother. So 10 people in total staying for the weekend (incl my own family). I'm cooking Friday night dinner for everyone've, booked table at a local restaurant for lunch and planning nibbles and cheese and wine etc for the evening and Sun lunch. Plus bought champagne for the toast.
However I'm struggling with how to fit in making the birthday cake. I work full time and my daughter who would usually help has exams. My dh made her birthday cake last year but doesn't feel confident doing a 'special' cake. I could go and buy one but money is tight and I'm already forking out loads for this weekend.
Should I ask my db and dsil to bring a cake and if so, how should I word it please? I'm starting to feel a little put upon and I don't want to feel like/ be a martyr! What does everyone think? Thanks!

‘Guys I’m feeling a bit stretched thin on the birthday weekend. Would anyone be willing to volunteer to organise a cake?’

I would just buy a cake from a supermarket, nobody needs to make one. They're not expensive, and you are the hostess. For the sake of an extra tenner I would suck it up.

I'm surprised nobody has already offered to help with food/drinks etc. Are you paying for all if this? I would just ask would somebody mind organising the cake.

Yes, ask for lots of help with food and drink provision!

I’d expect your siblings to sort either wine or champagne for everyone all weekend and the cake!

I would ask them more explicitly "I need someone to organise the cake, can you sort that out for Mum, please?"

Exactly this. Or as another PP has said, even more direct “As I’m organising the other meals, could one of you sort a cake please?”
Not sure why this is remotely a big deal to ask?

In my extended family there is no expectation that whoever hosts a meal will provide the food. The invite is “I’m hosting Easter, the theme is Middle Eastern, I’ll arrange a platter of kebabs and shawarma, what would everyone else like to bring?” And then everyone jumps I with “I’ll bring a couple of salads” “I’ll bring beer” “I’ll bring wine” “I’ll sort crisps and nibbles for beforehand” “I’ll bring dessert” etc.

Hell yes, tell them you'll have the food under control, so what booze are you bringing and who is sorting this cake?

Do you feel bad asking others to bring one small thing when you’ve provided all the rest? You need to value yourself more OP. Hasn’t one single person offered? anything?

Hey guys I have the meals covered for the weekend so I’ll leave you to sort the birthday cake and the champagne/alcohol and anything else you want to add.

Thanks everyone. I'm actually quite annoyed that no one has offered to bring anything. I don't think they actually realise everything that's involved in hosting a weekend like this. And they think we're going out for lunch.. what's the big deal ..? Everything else is just bits and pieces. Which of course all adds up - financially and organisationally.

It's annoying because I'd originally suggested an air bnb weekend precisely to avoid this and to make job distribution and costs more fairly distributed.
I might ask them to bring the cake, a bottle of wine and the cheese board. Annoyed that I have to ask though!

Cheese board is a good idea and plenty of alcohol, you always need more than you expect with a group.

You don’t approach it like that, your ‘hosting’ is the gift, allowing it to be had at your house.

Instead you say ‘We’re happy to provide the following meals (detail explicitly) and just like we divide up the rest of the contributions at the air b n b can you Joanna bring ten bottles of claret. Bob can you bring an uber posh birthday cake, if I tell you now you will have the time to order it from Konditer and Cook (to avoid some twat bringing an Asda cake for a tenner). Jamie can you bring a cheeseboard with 8 cheese and enough crackers/grapes/chutneys for 20”

no one is asking now because the day before is where idiots say oh can I pop to Waitrose and bring anything - incredibly annoying when you’ve ALREADY ORDERED EVERYTHING

Yes, think I need to be a bit more assertive. They're a demanding bunch too with high standards/expectations. 🙄Thing is, I do love having them round and being together and my kids love being with their cousins. But I really don't want to feel resentful - argh!

As others have said, you need to be more straightforward with your requests. Let them know exactly what you’re providing meal wise and definitely allocate them things to bring! Don’t sound apologetic. “I’m sorting dinner Friday night, I need someone to bring cheeseboard and nibbles for sat, and someone to provide the birthday cake. You can decide between you who does what. Also everyone can bring some booze”.

I agree. Id say, we need one of you to get a cake. I never understand why people don't put their pockets. I hope it been sorted out who is paying at the restaurant. If there are loads of people, please make sure tasks are divided. You are not the hired help

This reply nails it.

@importantupdate is on the money.

I'd maybe add the number of bottles. Everyone seems to think 1 is fine and they drink about 3 between them as a couple.

"I expect we will use about a case so please bring 3/5 bottles or so of whatever you like to drink. I'm supplying the champagne."

Ask directly and be specific.

Make sure your other brother also gets included - ask him to bring more wine/beer/soft drinks/crisps, whatever you need

Unfortunately it does sound like you need to be explicit. The good side to that is that you get exactly what you need rather than everyone turning up with a bunch of flowers ans bottle of red! And everyone drinks white

At the restaurant we were going to suggest that we divide it up so we all cover my mum's part of the bill.

My brothers don't drink much so I think they'll think they won't need to contribute much booze.
Anyway I'll try to be specific in my requests as pps have said. And get someone else to make the bloody cake 🎂

You could ask one of them to bring a massive cheese board, plenty of crackers, and some quality cold meats so you could make a charcuterie board for the Sunday lunch plus a few bottles of wine. The other one a cake and some croissant's or coffee pods etc for the breakfast.