11yr old asked if she’s a normal weight

[Londersand]

I weighed her and said I’d work it out. I’ve done it and she is just overweight, like 2lbs less and she wouldn’t be. When she’s been weighed previously she has always been a healthy weight but I have noticed her weight creeping up. But then she’s also quite developmentally advanced and started her period two months ago, so figured she’s in flux.

I don’t know what to say to her because I do want her to be more healthy but obviously don’t want to freak her out at a sensitive time and cause a massive problem. I have always been a bit overweight whatever I do so sadly I think it’s genetic to an extent.

What should I say to her? Any advice?

Unless she asks again I’d drop it, hopefully next time she asks she’s 1/2 in taller.
If she insists I’d say “normal” for your age knowing that you’re still growing taller.
Focus on the life skills of healthy food choices and an active lifestyle.

If I were you, I wouldn't lie to her. I would explain (as you have done here) that young people's weight fluctuates a lot due to growth spurts and hormonal changes. I would also ask her if there is a specific reason she has asked.

What's your diet like as a family? Are than any subtle things you can change? Using less oil when cooking, having mostly healthy snacks available, more protein and veg heavy meals.

Try and be active as a family on weekends. Walks, bike rides, swimming.

Stop weighing her! Ask questions, be curious about where this question is coming from.

Tell her that her weight doesn't actually give a full picture of whether she's healthy or not. I would be very very wary of encouraging a focus on weight at this age.

You say she is only 2lbs away from a healthy weight. That's nothing. She could be 2lb less tomorrow. Why are you saying you want her to be healthier? What are you seeing that makes her unhealthy?

I have always been a bit overweight whatever I do

I suppose that depends on what you actually do and whether you stick at it.

I would do as a PP suggests and tell her that her weight is ok for her age, and then work out what you can do to get you both moving more and eating better.

I can easily vary by 2-3lbs over a week. I'd push the focus onto healthy bodies and what they need which is good food and movement. Not weighing and measuring. If you get the good nutritious food and fun ways of moving sorted, that's way more than half the battle.

She won’t be blind she will be able to tell herself if she’s overweight or looks bigger compared to the other children. I would never lie but I’d tell her she’s still growing and weight will fluctuate and the best thing she can do is eat healthy and if she does by the time she’s an adult it will all even out.

As she almost is, I would say yes.

As she is now going through puberty, I would use it as an opportunity to talk about bodies changing, growing taller, changing shape, getting hips etc and that growing up and those changes mean how we look after ourselves changes. Include everything from showering and washing hair more regularly, wearing deodorant, then talk about the importance of a healthy diet with lots of iron to support her periods, calcium for growing bones, exercise for health to support her growing body etc. Then you could maybe tweak her diet a little ‘for added iron and calcium’ and increase exercise as a result of ‘growing up’ and supporting teen health without actually talking about her being slightly overweight and the fact you’ve noticed her weight creeping up! You can say that younger kids exercise by naturally running around and as we hit the pre teen/teen years, we sometimes have to actually make an effort to do it. Link it to screen time etc and then it’ll all be very relevant to what she’s experiencing without it being about weight.

Tread carefully, it’s an incredibly sensitive age for discussion about weight and appearance but if you can frame it right, which I think you will as you seem like a lovely caring mum, she’ll be fine. And obviously make sure she knows you love her no matter what, which I’m sure she does anyway!

My mum was absolutely crap at this stuff, had me weighing myself from about age 10 and measuring my waist and thighs to compare to her. 😔

If just say no you’re fine and try to make sure she isn’t overeating in a very subtle way. That could mean making sure portions are correct and only having healthy snacks like fruit and yoghurt available to her. If you buy junk food stop or at least reduce the amount in the house.

11 yo is a very normal time to gain weight, it’s actually needed to kick start puberty.

Def don’t mention it again or weigh her.

Don’t tell her but try and instill healthy eating and choices. It’s a vulnerable age and especially if she is quite developed already, I developed an eating disorder being obsessed with weight from a young age and still not over it at 40!
AND, she might just need a good poo 💩 and those 2lbs will disappear 🤣

If you're going by BMI, be wary....it often classes people of a healthy weight as overweight tbh.

I would be honest. Tell her she is right on the boarder so it would probably be good for all of the family to focus on health for a bit so that you can enjoy Christmas without things getting too far out of hand.

I’m not always weighing her. I used to do it about once every 6 months/ year. She asked to use the scales today. I can hardly say no, she’s in senior school she’s not a baby.

Anyway, we had a long chat and it turns out she’s feeling bad about herself and her weight. We agreed to be more healthy in terms of exercise but that she’s developing totally normal, if just a little ahead of her friends, and she shouldn’t compare herself to them.

She doesn’t eat a lot of junk food or anything. But she does eat more than others her age, I have noticed. I will focus on portion control

Dont Tell her she is in anyway overweight! She will never forget that. Tell her she is fine, and lovely as she is.
Then focus on reducing junk food and sneaking extra exercise in for all of you.

I would say she's a normal weight and then a
Talk to her about red amber and green foods.

I wouldn't be focusing on her actual weight in relation to a healthy weight - you say she's 2 pounds over, but that doesn't mean if she lost 2 pounds all is fine. What does she look like - can you see her ribs, or does she look like she is carrying extra weight? Be honest, whilst natural body shapes vary, it is not genetic to be overweight.

I wouldn’t be telling her she’s overweight.

My son was always skinny, and then after Covid he started putting on a bit of weight. They did this weight/height/age thing at school, and I got an email telling me he was 6lbs overweight. I didn’t tell him. I started trying to put healthier options to him. They didn’t always work, but he’s now 16, 6ft 1 and slim and healthy.

My parents told me I was fat at 17, when I was 5ft 7 and 9 1/2 stones. I had eating disorders until my 40s. I was always determined not to put my son through the same thing.

She’s got breasts and hips, it would be strange if you could see her ribs. Her body is like a young woman’s. I was the same at that age. Her stomach is fairly flat. She’s in the right age clothes

I wouldn’t do that - I can still remember when my mum suggested I was about 12years old

I think the ‘normal’ bmi range is quite big already. If she was within that but 99% would you feel differently?
It does sound like she can benefit from healthier habits, but I wouldn’t tell her she’s overweight.

Gaining more weight does not 'kick start' puberty if you are a normal weight to start with. It would only apply to those who are considerably underweight, and whose weight increases to be within the normal range. Becoming underweight can stop their periods again.

Just echoing others who say not to tell her she is overweight. I don’t think it is healthy for an 11 year old to be thinking about or knowing their weight at all. 2lbs is nothing - a bowel movement could change that - and BMI is notoriously inaccurate. Focus on health and what her body can do as opposed to looks and weight

I think the poster meant you gain weight as you enter puberty as a female which is true. Weight is gained and then distributes to breasts and hips. She was always a totally normal BMI until a year ago when she started developing.