DD has given birth.Do I stay put or visit her.

[whatisforteamum]

DD 30 moved 4 hours away years ago.She regularly came home for visits and we keep in touch via texts and calls.My job previously prevented me visit until recently years as I work unsocial hours you name it I worked it and she was in hospitality too.
Now she has had a baby and at the baby shower in the summer it's obvious she has lots of friends.
Dh want to book a hotel room and take a trip to see her plus fiance and baby.
People I know said go go go.Im in two minds.
While I would love to visit I don't want to look like suddenly I can make the effort (I do have annual leave).
Or stay put here.Video call and see her when she pops back before Christmas.

Have you not discussed it with her? Surely you need to know whether she wants you to visit now or not?!

Definitely go see them!

Ask her what she wants.

Ask her.

Of course you go..well unless she says no

Have you actually asked her?

If no, why ever not?

You don't want to look like you can make the effort?!? Why not? You should be making the effort! She just gave birth to a baby, why should she have to be the one to travel?!?!

I predict you seeing very little from your daughter or grandchildren and being very confused about why they cut you off....

Bloody hell do you really need to ask if you should go and see your grandchild?

Yes i would go and see my dd and grandchild Yes, you don't seem particularly excited or even happy about the baby.

Really weird not to just ask her. Why wouldn’t you check in and see if she needs and wants some support? Don’t you want to meet your grandchild?

As someone whose mother didn't come over to meet my babies I say go. I had a wonderful MIL and I am so grateful for that but wild horses won't keep me away from my children when they become parents.

Go be helpful show your daughter what a wonderful mother you see her being. Dont be a guest be a help.

Go go go!!

This is your grandchild here! A new person in the family!! Congratulations!

what an odd post? What’s the real back story ? I would be doing everything I could to visit and support my child ans grandchild.

Of course you should go and see your child when they've had a baby , what a strange question.

You’ve never made the effort to visit her before? Couldn’t you have taken annual leave to see her? Definitely go now, there’s no guarantee she’ll come visit you before Christmas with a tiny baby.

If you don't want to see your child or grandkid, don't go. I can't understand your reason for not bothering with your child?

Weird that her father is keen to see her but hasn't bothered, any parent would surely have booked the visit months ago.

Of course you should go and see your daughter and grand child. Why would you even need to ask?

I feel this is very odd question, as wouldn’t this have been a conversation had long before she gave birth?

There must be more to this than just work commitments.

You need to ask her and respect her boundaries and needs. If she wants a couple of weeks to get settled into her new life and enjoy her little baby bubble then that’s what she needs. If she wants you there, great! But it shouldn’t be left to her to make the effort and travel. She’s just had a baby???

So in the years since she moved away you’ve never had any annual leave? Never had a day off? Why haven’t you been to visit? Why dont you want her to think you can make an effort? Presumably because it would show her that you could’ve made the effort previously but couldn’t be arsed?

Guess you’re not particularly close. Hope you’re not expecting her to be the one that keeps on making the effort to visit, cos i think you’re gonna be disappointed.

Go.

There is a mega back story to your relationship with your DD @whatisforteamum , yes?

Have I understood this correctly, you have never visited your own daughter in her own home?? Or only just started to go recently?
She is you child why would you not go and visit? This is a hugely momentous occasion in her life. If you have any relationship at all she will want to see you.

Visit her. I was so lonely after I gave birth even with people around. I wish my mum came to see me earlier. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t relax.

Get on the road and go and meet your new grandchild now!!! Also, don’t expect DD and family to travel at Christmas either.

While I would love to visit I don't want to look like suddenly I can make the effort

This is overthinking in the extreme, probably mixed with low self esteem. I do this all the time. It's really unhelpful because it's basically where I've been beating myself up for not doing the thing previously and then second guessing myself about it. I think my dad does it too as he does bizarre things like came to my wedding and then left before the reception as he "wasn't sure if he was welcome" ???? WTF of course he was welcome! Or when he came to visit me abroad and then went off doing his own thing as he "didn't want to intrude" -- you've literally come to visit me?? It's not intrusive!

9/10 when you have these kinds of thoughts the reality is better late than never. The person would much prefer you visit now than not visit at all. You should go.