First horse feeling not good enough

[underthehawthorntree]

I've got my first horse about 8 months ago. He's 8. I'm an OK rider in the school but I have almost no experience hacking. I had hoped by now that I would have built a bit more confidence with him but on the odd occasions I've tried to hack him he's either bucked (i got off) or got over-excited (head tossing and jogging). For a more experienced and confident rider these things would be no big deal but because I lack these things they really worry me. I feel stuck about how to build my confidence because it feels catch 22. I also feel guilty that I'm not riding enough. I average about 3 or 4 times a week but it's just schooling and the odd plod round the farm. I want to do the best by him and keep his education going. But I also have 3 small children and work too so my time is pulled in all directions. He's well loved and cared for with lots of turnout (24/7 at the moment) he's wormed, shoes done, groomed, fed, loved etc etc. He has a friend he shares with too. How do I stop feeling so guilty about lack or time and lack of confidence? I've been considering part loaning him but since he's new to me I don't love the idea and to be totally honest I worry about the judgment of the other liveries (like oh yeah the novice owner needs a loaner she can't cope with her horse).

Do you have someone you can hack out with? Ideally a calm older horse? A lot of horses don't like going out alone, so that would be a good way to build both your confidence. Alternatively is there anyone who is more experienced that can hack him out for you until he gets more used to it? There is no shame in struggling, most horse owners will have at some time or other. You do need to get some help with this though, or you will be stuck in the school for ever, which is just not fun.

Yes agree with PPs thought about hacking companions, lots of horses aren't totally solid hacking alone and if rider is a bit nervous too that can be a vicious circle. Or if not possible to hack with others, could someone walk out with you on foot? Or you can take him for hacks in hand (or on long reins if you know how to do this), this can be a great way of building confidence in a horse from ground work. My good friend on my yard is currently overcoming a very similar issue to you, hacking nerves and she is taking the strategy of bringing in professional help, so she pays for lessons with an instructor but instead of the lesson happening in the school the instructor either walks out on hacks or borrows a horse herself and rides with her, got a few looks on the yard as unconventional/people thought was a waste of money but seems to be working really well for her, she even took her horse to a fun ride at the weekend which she'd never have the confidence to do previously. A good lesson about being on a livery yard is that you just have to accept that whatever you do with your horse some people will think is wrong! For this reason I think a sharer/part loaner is also a great idea if you can find a reliable and competent one (not easy, trust me!) - again sod what people think, loads of people who work and have family need help with their horse to keep them fit and looked after regardless of experience levels - the sharer isn't there to 'help you' or 'educate your horse's as such, if that's what you want you should pay a pro to ride and I'd be wary of anyone who promises to 'sort your horse out' or 'bring him on for you for free' as ime people (particularly teenagers, sorry to say) who say these sorts of things are usually all talk and at best do nothing, at worst make things worse. You more want someone to keep horse busy/fit on days you can't ride so you should be honest about his current hacking quirks and the fact he hasn't done much hacking and hopefully find someone who is happy and can cope with that - if him at his worst is the odd excitable buck or jog jog as you say that should not be a problem for an experienced/confident rider... Good luck

Firstly, sod what anyone else on the yard thinks. Do
whats best for you and your horse. Get the loaner, pay someone to hack them, get 3 visits a week from an instructor, whatever helps you.

In the mean time can you work on things that might help you in the school, spooky things, responsiveness to transitions, things like turn on the forehand which can help with gates?

Is there a hacking route you’re comfortable with? If so do that, and add a tiny bit on, or do 5 strides of trot, and gently work your way up.

Agree totally @underthehawthorntree
I would get a sharer- someone experienced who can ride 3 times a week. I used to do this when i was young, riding amazing tricky horses for free!! It was a god send for me as i didnt have enough money for my own.

If you can find the right person they will be able to bring him on. Look at his diet, it wont need to be rich given the amount of exercise he's getting. Get advice from vet on this. Try and turn him out lots, lunge before you ride... can you hack out with someone too? Try as much as you can whilst it's warm as they can be calmer in the summer..
dont worry what others think. Maybe ask advice but it sounds like youre looking after him well- just need to manage your confidence and his energy. Good luck x

If you can afford it I’d pay a professional that you are happy with to ride him twice a week one hack and one school or even one hack and one lesson for you . Have you been having lessons on him , taking him to clinics etc ?

My daughter has a couple of clients where she goes to their yard and one week she’ll ride, the next week she’ll give them a lesson on their horse. It helps the clients see that their horse isn’t difficult (she’s very confident and competent) and helps the horse to become a well-behaved equine citizen. If you can afford it I’d look for someone near you who offers a similar service - it’s remarkable how quickly things can improve

I would go down the 'paying a professional' to ride him/ hack him for you.. and if you can get another horse to go with him for company at first.

I'd be very reluctant to get a loaner unless they are very experienced; generally, a lot of loaners aren't, unless they have had a horse in the past etc and there's a reason they don't have one now ... (most i've seen are out of a riding school and trying to gain experience themselves - that's not going to help you, and could end up hindering him.)

Hiya Op .. so this is the sort of pony I have in for schooling. I don’t just take the pony to re school I take the rider as well. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what I can do on the horse, you have to be able to do it confidentially. My best advice for you (providing you are 100% that your horse isn’t in pain) is to learn to long rein him. Get a local
in that knows how to long rein and can teach you. But pay for someone good and start hacking your horse out that way. This will build both of your confidence up and your bone. But make sure you’re in the menage to start and get really good. You also need to decide if you’re going to care about the other livery’s or work on this issue, you can’t do both. They most likely ride once in a blue moon and too much to say about what other people should do. Take the pressure off, learn to long rein and build that relationship!

Hi all thanks very much for the good advice on this thread and for being kind with me.

The advice gave me the kick I needed and I've got a lady who is very experienced (has owned her own for many years) who is going to come and hack him once a week and help me a bit with jobs. I'm hoping him being hacked once a week with me doing farm ride/schooling the other days will be good for all of us.

The advice about long reining is good too and is definitely something I want to learn particularly coming into winter when he will be more full of beans but need more exercise as he will be in a lot more.

@underthehawthorntree I don’t want to be mean but does this person have qualifications / good references from reputable sources that you know as ‘owning for a long time ‘ doesn’t necessarily mean anything . My sister has owned for almost 50 years like myself and she would freely admit that she’s a rubbish rider , good at jobs and care though .

Hi Op I would suggest looking or asking around your livery if there are groups that go out on hacks that you can join to build up on your own confidence or possible lessons with a qualified instructor who can take you out on hacks/ schooling lessons to develop skills and confidence.
Dont beat yourself up or worry about what others think so long as you are doing right for your horse with care and providing him with everything he needs that’s all that matters every confident rider was once where
you are we all start from scratch and learn and get better as time goes on at least you are wanting to get better.

Getting him out hacking is the most important thing now so it’s a good idea to get someone confident to do it. It’s exciting for your horse as he does it so rarely and will likely settle once it’s the norm. Good idea to go with people for you but it’s also important that your horse will happily go alone too and of course some are more excitable in company so it’s important to know if yours is one of them

I haven't ridden since I was in my teens . But can I say that I find this thread fascinating? 😀I had no idea how much was involved! Hope you sort out your difficulties OP

The other liveries would be right though, wouldn’t they? Frankly with three small children you’re likely to need some help anyway. Please pay someone competent. You are letting your horse down. Unless absolutely unavoidable you should not get off for bad behaviour. It is only likely to make matters worse.

Im sorry to sound harsh but the reality is there are so many people kicking around too scared to ride their own horses and by their fear they are damaging their horses so they are unsaleable or will require significant remedial work to be so.

You don’t need to be a pro - I’m certainly not - but you do need to have enough courage to not bail at the first sign of trouble. I had a similar conversation with someone yesterday who freaked out when my horse panicked at a dog. I wasn’t ecstatic, but I know panicking was going to make it worse, so I swallowed it. Not because I wasn’t scared but because I didn’t want to end up in a situation that escalated so I couldn’t deal with it had to get off and made it worse.

As a bare minimum you need to have regular lessons together so you develop the confidence to swallow your fear and deal with issues rather than avoid them.

I would pay an instructor to get him hacking out preferably with others. I am currently doing this as my horse needs more miles on her before I can take her out. It boosts my confidence watching her being ridden and seeing how she reacts to things.