Dd losing confidence. Should I let her stop.

[Madeyemoodysmum]

Dd has been riding for about 2years/18months now. Not every week tho
She started in a traditional school which she enjoyed but we found another lady by chance who runs a small natural horsemanship school.

At first dd loved this school. It's very small much more hands on. Horse care etc To begin with the owner was giving her one to one lessons most times but as time went on now she usually takes a toddler lead rein pony lesson at the same time as dds session. I think this is because she is busier rather than dd being more confident and able to be left.

Any way to get to the point about 4 months ago dd got to the stage of trying some very small step over type jumps. Sadly she did have a fall as the horse stopped suddenly but she didn't hurt herself.

Since then she has lost a lot of confidence. She hasn't attempted to jump since but has lost her sparkle.
Last week she had a very bad lesson on a different horse (no fall just cantering out of control and shaken up).

Now she is worrying about the next session (which will be back on older steadier pony) and wants to go back to a traditional school or stop altogether.

I feel this would be a shame. The stable is very unique and if I stopped we would lose her space and I feel she would regret it.

However I don't want her to feel under pressure

Don't know what to do for the best

Have suggested a few more lessons and if she feels the same we can change or have a break.

Any ideas on what can be done to boost her confidence ?

Thank you.

I'm sorry but the school sounds really poor. It is pretty unusal for small children just starting to jump to be allowed to fall off, and def instructor should not be taking a toddler lead rein lesson simultaneously as a childs first jumping lesson, never mind the pony tanking off scenario. Are you paying for 1:1 or shared?
I would go back to the traditional school, i would be surprised if they didn't also do horse care sessions, or a pony club type arrangement of one hour stable management and one hour riding

Sorry didn't make it clear that she hasn't been jumping with a toddler lesson at the same time. Just trotting around the school and short canters. But I agree I'm not over happy about the toddler session happening at the same time.

Let her change back to the other school.
The ponies at her current school don't sound very well schooled for beginners if they are nappy and bolt off.
She needs to feel happy and confident

Thanks for the feedback. I will have a think and maybe get a few more opinions.

I wouldn't be making her go if she felt nervous at all.

I also think the set up sounds really dubious, most good schools will have complete school masters to teach children to jump on not something that stops over poles or to let a novice rider on something that does just piss off.

This sounds more about you than it does her.

Find a BHS approved Riding School or even better, one that's a Pony Club Centre.

I would find a different riding school. People jump on the natural horsemanship bandwagon because they like to sell the idea that it's special, natural and cruelty free. The best of it is. The worst of it is a pile of barely understood mumbo jumbo that's borderline dangerous and can actually be very bad for the horse. My hunch is that the school you've chosen is unprofessional and whilst wanting to be kind and different is actually run by someone not that knowledgeable who is putting people at risk.

Which is not to say traditional riding schools are necessarily great but I'd still be looking for somewhere else. I think your daughter has picked up on this instructor's incompetence and doesn't feel safe with her.

Agree with all those who say you should let her change riding school. And a Pony Club centre would give her the extra hands-on pony care aspect, badges to earn etc.

If she still wants to give up, let her. I had to do this when my DS lost interest. It's hard if you're a horsey person too, but maybe the money could be reinvested in another activity. And she may come back to it later on.

How old is she?

I'd be wary of letting her give up after a fall because falling off - and getting back on - is a natural part of riding. Everyone falls off.

If the jumps were 'very small step-over ones' then that sounds sensible.

Cantering out of control isn't good, but happens. Horses aren't machines.

Sounds like you're not happy with the stable, though, so I'd look around and find a different one. What does your dd want to do?

Natural Horsemanship can be riddled with unqualified chumps who don't know what they're doing. It sounds like your daughter has ended up at such a place!

She needs proper tuition from a qualified instructor on a BHS registered yard. Yes she will fall off, that's just part and parcel of riding horses. But, she certainly shouldn't be left unattended nor should she be pushed beyond her comfort zone or skill level. I think she would benefit from some private lessons on a dependable pony to concentrate on her seat before she attempts to jump again.

Dd is 12. Thanks for all the advise. I have been thinking hard. I'm going to use the last few lessons up at the current stable. I will stay close and watch over the fence rather than sit in car and get a good feel for what I'm actually paying for.

If dd is still unhappy or myself. Then I'm going g to go back to a good riding school. I am armed with a list of local places to ring round.

Thanks again.

Is this woman qualified and does she have insurance, OP? It doesn't sound legitimate to me.

What Gabilan says.

Many moons ago, my DD aged about 12/13 at the time, was friends with a girl whose step mum owned a few horses. DD came home all excited, wanting to know if she could please have £15 to go horse riding. Thee was no actual school, just a few stables and a too small field. The woman had no qualifications and my DD had only sat on a horse once before, and this woman was charging her step daughter's friends to "ride" her horses.

There are some cranks out there!

She will fall off though, which is scary, but I think it's all part of learning and progression.

I'd avoid the current riding school (if it is one) like the plague and go back to the one your DD loved. She should be able to regain her confidence there, and will then know if she wants to carry on or not.

I made the mistake of allowing my son to carry on riding when his confidence was shot. His instructor kept making him jump higher and higher fences even though he was falling off every single time. In hind sight I should have stopped him riding with her and had him taken back to basics to secure his position in the saddle.

What I am trying to say is to stop her riding at this establishment and follow her lead by letting her go elsewhere.

I really wish I had followed my instincts and not listened to the instructor as he now refuses to jump at all and will never go back that aspect of riding.

Is the 'natural horsemanship' this riding school practices Parelli by any chance?

What Arsenals is pointing out is v wise. Does this teacher have insurance? The school doesn't sound professional to me either.

Are you a horse rider? Do you ride regularly?

If it was my daughter I would put her needs before my wants and wishes. She is the rider, she makes the decisions about which school and on which horses she is most comfortable with.

If you don't trust her judgement and override her wishes then you are setting her up to quit riding altogether and THAT would be a shame.

Hi all thanks for the advise.
I contacted another school and we are going to try it in April.

Dd is going to use her last few lessons up at other place. Last week she didn't ride at all. Just groomed etc. Then I will make my excuses I think. It started so well but now dd isn't getting the attention anymore we are going backwards. I don't want her to stop so I'm going to let her change schools.

I feel much happier and so does dd knowing we are changing.

"She started in a traditional school which she enjoyed"

and you changed riding schools because?

Agree with PPs that this current place sounds rather shoddy and by the sounds of things, I doubt they have adequate insurance if they think it's acceptable to be teaching a 12yo and a toddler lead rein class at the same time...I mean that's just crazy! I won't get into my full thoughts on parelli etc. but in my experience (and very much generally speaking) those that jump on that bandwagon tend to be preying on the fears of more nervous/novice/scared owners and riders. It's not to say it doesn't happen but I've rarely seen a competent, confident owner/rider employing parelli type learnings to their training.

The trouble with confidence when riding is that it's so so easy to lose, yet incredibly difficult to get back. In your shoes I'd cut my losses with the natural horsemanship place and find your DD a school where she can build her confidence back up again...I certainly wouldn't be bothering with taking her back to use up the lessons she's owed.