Horses and babies - is it really do-able?

[JosieSmith1]

I have a 22 yr old horse who has arthritis and therefore needs regular exercise to stopher stiffening up. I'm TTCing and am worried about the practicalities of keeping her going with a newborn (a bit pre-emptive I know).

If necessary she could have time off when I'm too big to ride. Last winter she had 3 months off with the weather and she was badly lame with the arthritis, but she came back into work and we managed plenty of pleasure rides and some small jumping comps. So I'm not too worried about bringing her back into work if she has to have some time off. What I'm more worried about is finding the time to ride/muck out etc as she'll be on DIY (can't afford assisted) and as DH works shifts he won't always be able to look after the baby while I do chores etc.

How does everyone else manage?

I am struggling like crazy at present trying to cope with 18 year old horse with health issues (on DIY as she can't be turned out and I can't aford part livery) and 2 young kids, a very tolerant but neglected DH ....Oh yeah ..and a job. I am constantly worrying about money and how the hell I am going to cope. Credit card bills are going up and up as the money just doesn't stretch. It's not a sustainable situation. Keeping the horse means the kids miss out on things. I haven't bought myself any new clothes for as long as I can remember. In my heart of hearts I know I need to have my horse put down as she is not loanable or sellable as she would never pass a vetting and is lame too often. But she is so lovely and good and I have owned her since she was 3 and I just can't bring myself to do it. I feel guilty as I often find myself hoping she will break a leg and save me the decision. Awful!

It's HARD unless you have plenty of time and money. Are you planning on going back to work? How will you afford to keep the horse? if you DO go back to work, how will you juggle DIY and a baby on top of the job? What help will you have? What will you do when the baby is sick?? Where will the baby be while you muck out etc?? Little babies are fairly immobile, but the swiftly stop wanting to sit in one place while you get on with things. My DSs who are now 7 and 5 are a NIGHTMARE at the yard. They arse about in the barn and fight... and worst of all they HATE comng to the yard - it's cold and muddy. Remember babies grow bigger.

Sorry to sound so negative, but my own experience has been very difficult. As I say you need LOTS of spare money and LOTS of spare time to do it.

Don't worry about being negative, it's good not to have it sugar coated. Deep down I feel like it's not sustainable. It won't be bad in the summer as she lives out and I can wait for DH to come home before going to sort her, but the winter will be a nightmare.

Sometimes I think if she did have to be completely retired from ridden work it would save a lot of time, but I would be devastated, especially as I'm not even pg yet. I would certainly consider retiring her from ridden work if I got pg and it meant I could keep her.

I'm on a large commercial yard at the minute which would make things very difficult as there's always loads going on and loads of trouble a child could get into, but I'm hoping to move to somewhere much smaller and quieter so I'm hoping (probably stupidly) that I could pop the baby in the tea room with the people who are there all the time (I can see it and it's only about 10 yards from the yard, I wouldn't be abandoning the child!) just while I quickly muck out and do haynets etc. I'm probably kidding myself!

Well it's not impossible. My friend has 6 children, 4 of them under school age and she manages a horse and pony on diy. She never gets to ride mind you, but she bred the horse herself and can't bear to part with him and the pony is for her children.

She copes by keeping them out with a shelter (also all budget will run to for obvious reasons!), in a field where she is able to drive her people carrier in and keep it within her sight (and out of sight of the road) while she cleans up the field. In summer she puts it under trees with the windows open. I must say her kids are very good (usually asleep!) but then they have never known any different. If they are awake and want to come out she has a double buggy that she pushes in front of her for the smallest two, while towing a trolley (four-wheeled gardening type thing) from a rope around her waist! The hay and feeds go on that. She has a fenced-off section of field so the children can play in nice weather without getting near the horses.
There is another girl here who has always taken her baby down to the field with her, even in the worst weather, bundled up in blankets and waterproof cover in his car seat and loaded on to the wheelbarrow with the hay and feedbuckets! He is now a happy toddler and has his own little barrow so he can 'help' although he does spend a lot of time playing with mud. She does still get to ride a couple of times a week as a friend looks after her little boy for her.

In some ways I think it's easier when your horse is older (as my previous one was when my dcs were born) as you can take the decision to retire them with much less guilt about whether you are 'wasting' them. Plus they are hopefully steadier and more trustworthy with children around, especially if they want to help brush them and sit on their backs etc. I do know a lady who was managing ok with a baby and horses by herself, but took the decision to sell her home-bred yearling after it jump over a wheelbarrow and nearly flattened her little daughter.

It is do-able, but finding the time to ride can be hard.

I had a horse with arthritis who sadly I have just sold (not because of children!), I ideally wanted a sharer to keep him ridden a lot but in the end I just about managed to come up with a girl who could ride once a week, but that was still a help. Does your horse live out?

Yeah she lives out so summer will be easier. My friend keps telling me I can't take a baby up to the yard in the winter but I don't see why not if it's wrapped up warm, it's no different from going for a walk in winter really.

I'm super organised so can hopefully organise my time on a day to day basis around DH's shifts. Plus my Mam is semi-retired and has said she would watch the baby for me a couple of times a week so could try and sneak in some rides then.

I think it's going to be very very hard but I really can't see myself selling or loaning her out, it'd break my heart.

I think it sounds like you would be okay. Especially with your Mum to help and an organised personality.

And yes, taking a baby to the yard in winter is fine - you just make sure they are dressed! The crawling/early walking stage is the hardest, because they may not stay sat in a pushchair/sling/car seat so easily, but are not safe wandering around. But by that time you will be used to juggling it all, so it will be fine :)

I have manged to make it work!! I have a DS that is now 2 and a half, but has been coming down the yard since he was 4 months. i was like Jajas, i wrapped him up in the winter, parked him by the school and lunged. I was lucky my mum had him one day and week and my sister had him one day over the weekend, so I got to ride twice a week, and I had a sharer that hacked him out twice a week also.
It is now a lot easier as DS is at nursery 2 days a week. He comes down the yard once a week and loves it, he has even started riding!!
I think it's a great environment for him to grow up in.

I suppose my biggest problem is the money and not being able to turn my horse out. She was put on grass livery last winter and coped fine through all the snow. It was going OK, till June when she got Metabolic Syndrome and so laminitis. This means she can never be turned out full time again and even DIY is crippling me financially. I could go back to work full time but this means I would have to put her on part or full livery and I would NEVER be able to ride and I would have to put the DSs in after school care which they would hate. Not really a viable option for a few more years.

what about a sharer?
They are not always very reliable, but if you fine a good one, then it could really help.
Try www.horseshareuk.co.uk
Hope that helps

Also if you are thinking of retiring your horse or having him put down, they is a place in scotland where horses go to retire, and become blood doners. I am not sure where it is, but i am sure you could google it.
If you are intersted and having trouble finding out about it, i know a girl about 10 years ago who sent her horse, and will try to get hold of her to find out more info.
Again, hope this helps

There's some really good ideas here, thanks very much! If I retire her I'd like to keep her. I've only had her for 2 years so don't really feel like I've had a lot of time with her so far. We had a great summer last year doing plenty of comps and pleasure rides so if I don't get pg before summer I'm going to try and have another good summer, that way if I do have to retire her or share her, I know I've had 2 good years with her.

Hopefully with a bit of organising and calling on favours it'll be do-able. Like I said earlier, if I move onto this smaller yard it'll be a lot easier as there's a lot of politics going on at my current yard (more like gang wars tbh!) but on the smaller yard everyone is lovely and I know them well so could trust them with a baby even just while I muck out.

Marge2 that must be difficult for you. They're certainly hard work and very expensive at the very basic level never mind if you need part or full livery. DIY at my yard is pretty cheap but because I have such a small budget it's certainly expensive enough for me. The smaller yard is more expensive but is ran so much better than my current yard and is worth the extra expense, and it's closer to home so after petrol costs I should be paying the same as I'm paying now.

Have to say I found it totaly do-able, my ds was coming to the yard with me daily from birth, as he got a bit older and moving about he loved being there. The great part was the yard was withing walking distance from me. He loved helping me muck out and fill nets. Even used to put him on the horse when bringing him in from the field so all in all in was a wonderful experience for both of us he's 5 now and missing going to the yard. Sadly had to have him (the horse!!!) put to sleep last year at the grand old age of 35 .... woukd def do it all again, even more so if I had more money!!!

Good luck! :)

oh that's a real shame about the blood doner place, I thought it was a very good idea. :-(

Yes it's very hard. It's a constant worry. We've tried the sharer route, but they never stick around as she is lame so often. Don't think any vet would want my horses's blood with her sky high insulin levels....plus..she hates needles..

Was going to try to ride today for the first time in ages what with minor lameness and then snow and kids off school, but it's pissing down with rain and howling a gale. Not a good day to start to bring a horse back into work.

OP - it is perfectly do-able. I have 2 horses on DIY, and a 3yr DD and 4m DS. Not easy, but fine. Small yard we are on is perfect. Someone feeds and turns out, i get all horses in sometime in the afternoon. DS sleeps in the car on the yard and DD comes out to play. We are very strict with her wrt where she can go/do etc and if she doesn't comply has to sit in the car - she does as she's told! Though luckily has started preschool this week, which makes it a bit easier.

Anyway, must go, DS has fallen asleep so time to load up and get on to those horses

I found I couldn't do it with two DSs. I did with only one (even though we did get double-barreled by a psycho pony) but I couldn't manage the time/finance once I had DS2.

I do still own my horse but the lady who loans him loves him to bits and has another horse so I do get to ride him out occassionally. I pay vet + insurance and she looks after the rest. It's been a fantastic arrangement for both of us.

I do miss seeing him and my waistline certainly misses the stable chores! I have the comfort in knowing that I control what happens to him.

I half own a horse with a friend ,which made life easier when the home birth turned into a nightmare crash section and we had snow for 6 weeks ! however , once i was back to myself i have to say i havent found it too bad , got a really cheap three wheeler that the maxi cosi car seat fit on and my little boy got plonked on that , can push it and drag barrow behind when poo picking in the field . Also have a back carrier for stable chores ,although we dont really stable ours . Havent riden in ages ,but that has been down to the weather being bad ,more than anything ! If i cant ride i sometimes just put his bridle on and take him and the baby for a walk ,quite lucky though in that the bridleway is right next to the field . How about lunging ? thats another alternative if you cant ride .

Yeah DH said he'd take her for walks so she doesn't stiffen up too much. Vet says I can't lunge as it's too much strain on her arthritic joints. TBH after this winter she's had a good few months off and now she's being rdden once a week and she's managing fine so I could probably get away with that. I should try and get pg so that I'm at my biggest and due over winter when she's not being ridden, then by the time I can ride again it'll be time for her to come back into work anyway and we can get fit together

It is hard work but definitley do-able. I have 2 DD's, 11 and 3 and have had horses throughout, always on DIY but have also always managed to find someone to share or help out. Winters are hard but being organised is key, Sundays are my jobs da, DH has the youngest and I ride with DD1 then we do big muck outs/add new bedding, poo pick fields and make up all feeds for the week. Then during the week it's a quick muck out, grab some hay (we have hay bars so no messing around with a net) and chuck a dinner in. I work 3 long days and on those days I pay someone £10 to put the girls out (we have 2) and then whizz in after work.

The baby stage was easy, the 3 yr old stage is faurly easy as long as not there too long, the hardest I found was the crawling stage as DD2 hated being in the buggy/didn't understand waiting while I did things. She now grabs a wheelbarrow (her own little plastic one) and follows me around "helping"

It can be done, good luck with it all.

All you who are making it work successfully. Are your DH's supportive and happy for you to leave kids with them at the w/ends? My DH makes it very hard for me. I only ride Saturdays at the weekend now and he resents even that

I hope I am going to be adding to my hours soon to help the money situation. THis will mean working mondays, which I do not currently do. This will mean I can;t ride mondays and so I will be down to Fridays and Saturdays only.

My DH is very supportive and plays a full on active role with the DC. He plays squash 2-3 times a week and also on a Saturday morning, I never complain and he never complains about the horses, well he does sometimes but only half hearted and soon gets put back in his place!

I guess that is essentially one of the key factors then!!