How can I help supports husband-NQT

[Skinnydecafflatte]

Excuse me for butting into your staffroom but just after some advice. My husband after completing his PGCE is now an NQT (year 3) at the age of 39. He is finding it tough and being that bit older he feels he should be on top of everything and I think is being too hard on himself.

What I want to know is how best I can support him. As well as working (only 3 days), I do nearly all housework, childcare etc. I'm not moaning at all as I really want him to succeed and I have the extra time, but what I want to know is what single thing would help you the most if your partner did it for you? Obviously I cant do any marking/planning etc. And any words of advice for him to makes to through this tough year?
Thanks in advance

What year is he teaching? You can help him prepare resources?

He's teaching year 3.
Thanks, I'll ask him about that.

My husband's NQT year was awful. He was up every night until 2am making resources. I tried to help where I could but it was never-ending!

Buy a laminator, decent scissors, and sign up a a resource site. Ask about their topic and give some ideas. He probably needs a decent work space, lots of coffee. Ultimately he needs time to get into the swing of it. Oh a seriously he needs a few days off in the holidays.

If you are already doing all childcare and housework he sounds like he has a real easy ride already.

Honestly? I'm not sure you can (or should) help with the teaching itself. You probably need to be his 'normal' while he deals with all his new stuff.

The most useful thing my husband does is to take the kids out for a fair chunk of time at the weekends (3-4 hours) so that I can mark. Handing me a coffee as I leave the house is also much appreciated!!

You don't put pressure on him to be back early where possible and tell him he's doing a good job. Confidence can be a real stumbling block for some and knowing someone believes in him will help. Does he have a good mentor?

Is it a confidence issue as ickle stated, or is he struggling with organisation? The key to success in my eyes is organisation, as he will have to be when going in to his career.

My dp has just finished his nqt year. I'm not going to lie, it was hard!

I think the things that have helped

Being the voice of reason (if your lessons were bad your observations would reflect that)

Suggesting some ideas for lessons if his brain stops giving him ideas

Sometimes help find resources online

Buying the plastic tat for his reward box

Being the one who tells him to stop! He really burnt himself out trying to make every lesson perfect, and he would have been more effective stopping work at a set time in the evening and having a bit of time to relax and get to bed at a decent hour.

My DH was an nqt ten years ago. He was very stressed. I had to build his confidence and tell him to ask for help when he needed it. He survived and is a head teacher now. I have just started a trainee a level teaching role. He is very supportive having been there and takes the dc out every weekend so that I can do pgce/ planning

Oh and my DH had a fab head who told him that if he was working late every evening he was doing it wrong. DH has always gone in early and started working straight away avoiding the staffroom, quick lunch and catch up with other staff then carries on working. He stays after school until at least 5 working flat out and rarely works at home.

Agree re telling him to stop! Perfectionism is rife among teachers I think, and it's a curse.

When he gets home, encourage him to take some time out and play with the kids, read a book - something to give him a mental break from school. If he really is shattered shoo him off for a power nap.

My OH went through a very similar time and has come out the other end. I regarded my role as entirely supportive and basically just made it possible for him to do what he had to do without any stresses of home-life. For that year or two, we put household DIY etc on hold, I took the full burden of running the home, looking after DS, household finances, etc., even down to booking the holidays, etc. I tried my best not to nag, make demands on him, etc. If he thought he had to spend the full weekend in his office, then I let him and did my own thing with DS. He knew I was there for him, and he'd ask me to copy things, buy stuff when I went shopping etc. In return, when he had time to spare, we did things together as a family. Now he's over that period, the change is massive and we're back to having a normal family life. When your OH is stressed with work, the last thing he wants is being nagged at about cutting the grass, going to the park, taking time off, etc - however well intentioned you may be. It doesn't last forever!

Oh, I forgot, re resources, I noticed he seemed to spend a lot of time writing his own resources and training materials, handouts, etc., which is nothing more than re-inventing the wheel when you think of all the text books and online resources available today. For some reason, he'd got into the mindset of creating stuff entirely from scratch, so I helped him to get into the habit of "tweaking" stuff from other sources, i.e. finding a worksheet on the internet that was similar to what he wanted and using it as a template - saves hours rather than starting from a blank sheet.