Hellish day, just need to vent, no-one to talk to IRL

[fatcheeks1]

Hi, feel this would be a safe place to get some perspective on this.

I am on supply in a local Primary school.It's a failing school.Up until today I was working with small groups providing much needed support (interventions) in speech and language/fine motor skills and number.I work in reception/nursery.I was also covering phase leader's class and NQT's class in reception .It was all going well, until I took over one of the classes belonging to a reception teacher today.She went off sick early, I was due to cover for her in a couple of weeks as she had time booked for an operation/recovery.These 2 weeks were meant to be transitional where she discussed the class with me/their needs, where she was with assessments, what they had covered in phonics etc.I couldn't find any planning, I couldn't find their writing books I couldn't find anything.I didn't know where they were with phonics(all 3 classes are at different stages) so I made do, I didn't have a plan as such I tried to do an assessment type thing on their writing and knowledge of writing simple vc and cvc words, then making up and model writing a sentence.
The head came down and was there for it all, I wanted to cry.They couldn't find their books so I gave them whiteboards, they weren't following instructions, they weren't even trying really.She was busy scribbling away.I couldn't find any resources(the class is a mess) I couldn't find what they had done before.I must have looked so ill prepared, I was but it wasn't from lack of trying.I came in early to look for things and next thing, they were coming in and she was there, looming large as life.I was crap, I know I was crap, I need to speak to her but am sooooo embarrased I don't know what to say.No new learning took place other than perhaps modelling a sentence and talking about capital letters etc but they should know all of that.I know the class, well their names but I don't know their needs.
It was awful , truly awful, the behaviour was o.k, they are just fussy, they were just. . . passive:>(
I didn't talk to them about what they could do and why as I was panicing.I should have been more prepared. . what's the saying. . ."fail to prepare. . . " I knew Friday I was taking the class but was so busy taking another class that by the time I had finished clearing up etc it was way past my time to go(I have family) I just thought there would be stuff in the classroom for me, or some plans on file but there wasn't.

I am sitting here feeling wretched, I don't want to go in tomorrow but I know I have to.I also know I need to speak to her but I don't know where to begin. . .any advice? I have brought home 2 large bags of paper crap from the class to try and sort out tonight.That's without my planning for tomorrow :>(

Sorry this is so long, DH doesn't understand, no-one does, I just feel overwhelmed.

How did the observations all go op?

Well done on the assembly btw :)

Hi OO, I was all keyed up for them and they didn't happen!!!! There was a no show from the teacher from the outstanding school so from 9-10.45 I was on hyper alert(such a horrible feeling) After that I relaxed and had a good day.

RM, thank you I'm going to try to:>) I've done most of my planning, just need to do my phonics.

I'm going to find out today about what's happening after Easter.I spoke to another consultant at my agency on Friday and she wanted to know about my availability for Sept.I said I'm available from April and she said "o'h I thought you were there until July" to which I replied "I really hope not".Can't get hold of my consultant (he's a bit slippery) have sent texts.Want to have the chat with head but want to be prepared 1st.I was under the impression she was coming back after Easter.I have held the fort for her and tried hard to bring the kids on, but I can't continue after Easter.The workload is relentless.She left the L.J's 2 months in arrears, they were a mess.The planning we have to submit is a joke, I do an indoor plan, an outdoor plan, my own phonics plan, a daily snappy maths plan, a carpet plan and a focus plan and a plan for P.E and ICT.I have assessments coming out of my ears, plus planned monitoring of children and intervention sessions to organise.
I was talking to my colleague over the weekend about how tired I am .I feel wiped out, really wiped out.I open my eyes in the morning and I want to cry.I don't know if it is the job, the Vit D deficiency and low calcium in my blood (potentially) or combination of both but what I do know is that I am finding it really hard to raise the energy to do this job.I just need a break.After Friday's assembly fiasco I feel really deflated.

How was the meeting? Has anything been agreed?

No, can't get hold of my consultant, head been busy all day and so have I :>(. Do need to find out though ASAP.

I should be finding out more this morning, possibly during PPA.Myself and another teacher approached the head yesterday and asked when the parents would be finding out about changes to staffing and she said a) last week of term and b) she would speak to us tomorrow about that and she shot me a funny look! I really, really need to go.I so hope the class teacher is coming back, she will have been off for 12 weeks if you include the Easter hols, I really hope that's long enough to recover from her surgery:>( I sound awful I know, but I am truly tired of teaching at that school.We have another round of observations next Tuesday, I'm sick of it!

fatcheeks1 i bet they are trying to keep hold of you- big stalling tactic in the hope you will stay longer!

What will you say if they beg you to stay? Only asking because schools are very good at wheedling when they need staff and I'm pretty sure they will want you

Wonder if the other teacher has resigned....

Guggenheim , you make me LOL:>). I saw her at lunchtime and the outlook is not good.I was crying on the way in this morning, I am just sooooooo tired, tired of it all.The class teacher has a consultants appointment on the last day of term, the cynic in me thinks, has she engineered this, or am I being a bitch? (possibly both :>()
She is coming back, at least that's something but as yet I don't know when or how!?!?.It will be a phased return so I really don't know what that means or how it will pan out.The head did say there will be things she will not be able to do, I'm thinking P.E off the top of my head but I want to relinquish the L.J's , the planning and just be there to support and feedback on what the children have done and where they are at! I guess everything I didn't have the luxury of having or getting.I sound bitter and angry I am.
I can't leave the children hanging with an unknown, they have had too much of that but by the same token it's going to be really weird this handover buisness, plus we are yet to be Ofsteded and from what I heard about her today it sounds like she will want to take on the role of TA and leave it all up to me which I am not prepared to do, she is getting a lot more money than me.
The head said 3, possibly 4 weeks after Easter.I am gutted I told her so, she thought it was because I would be unable to secure a post for the Summer term, I said no, I just want to do daily supply as the workload is a joke, there is so much of it.She looked at me, not quite sure how to take me.She said she was aware of how much work I had to do, how much I had done and she appreciated it.I said I really don't think you do know how much I have had to do/am doing!She knows I will want to do the right thing by the children, she said I have a choice, I said I didn't as I had a conscience (I can't believe I said all that).So, yeah, truly gutted.

Saadia, I had been thinking that also.

I also want to bin off my consultant as he has been useless in supporting me through this.I am going to give him a couple of days in case he has annual leave and if I don't hear from him I'm going to phone the agency and complain.I have texted and emailed him over the last couple of days and have not heard a sausage from him.

Really sorry to hear that fatcheeks.

I was in a similar position a couple of years ago, covering for a teacher on long-term sick leave and desperate for her to return. She also had a phased return and it was negotiated week by week as she was told to gradually build up her hours. When she came it was all too much for her so we had to adjust timings etc BUT that school was lovely and even two years ago was a different climate.

As an NQT my main concern was behaviour management and getting to grips with EYFS planning. There were virtually no observations and I was given a lot of support.

Even a phased return will take some of the pressure off you, I found it a real relief although, having to work with another teacher brought its own challenges.

I can totally understand how you feel, it is a horrible position to be in.

Thank you Saadia, you have voiced my very real concerns.

Unfortunately my school is not lovely and has a rather unpleasant working climate:>(. The people I am working with (apart from the lead teacher who is the most selfish person I have ever encountered) are the nicest people I have ever worked with.When I'm in the staffroom, on the rare occasion, it can be a laugh, there's a resilience there, but everyone is feeling the pressure in their own way.

We had a deadline for the SEN data that is today.Mine isn't finished.I started it at 3.50, I didn't leave school til 5.50, way past kicking out time.No-one has shown me how to do it.I saw the lead teacher doing something and asked her what file she was on.She said "you do the same as you did last time. . . o'h you didn't do it" EXACTLY!!!! Then she left it at that (surprised and angry face!) It was only with the help of the other reception teacher that I managed to bumble through and I still have another IEP to do 1st thing this morning.I think they think I am getting all this help and guidance, I AM NOT! I am not new to teaching but I'm new to this school.The lead teacher sees me looking a bit, well, shattered (cos I am) and she does this stupid 'smile' gesture I want to say "just do one will you" She makes me rage, is that meant to be raising the team morale? Joke.

Deadline for corridor displays tomorrow so guess what I'll be doing after school today? (waste of my time)

At least my husband is fully supportive.I phoned him yesterday lunchtime and he understands.Last night he said he was really proud of me, he said that what I said to the head shows that I care and am dedicated and that they are lucky to have me.He understands why I am staying .I haven't told my kids as they will be gutted, I might not tell them LOL:>).My daughter (15) is going through a lot of friendship issues with "her girls" in school.Yesterday she was nearly pressurised into a fight.I'm proud of her she stood her ground and said her piece, someone had been stirring up stuff.It's hard though when you have the year above wanting to get involved and all the boys just wanting to see a fight:>(.I might just tell her to jump on a bus after school and come and meet me at my school.Sod it, she can help me put up my flaming display!
I so miss being a mum.

Sorry to hear that fatcheeks

Think the only thing I can think of saying at the moment is- 2 weeks till Easter! I know you will end up doing work in the holidays,like we all do but it will be a little bit of a rest at least.

How about lots of lovely easter (easily planned) activities?
Small local trip out? Yr enjoy a nice out door picnic as much as a long planned fancy pants trip. Might just give you a break from the everyday.

Please don't run yourself into the ground

hi fatcheeks if your looking for labels and stuff to print a couple of websites my dd uses are twinkl and teachers pet a lot is free but other stuff you have to pay for but they are useful
www.twinkl.co.uk/resources
www.tpet.co.uk/

Hi somewheresomehow, I know of those sites.I like teachers pet, not so keen on twinkl as I keep forgetting my password lol:>).

I'm so sorry they are being so shit towards you

Have just read this whole thread, and you sound lovely

I've had calcium and vit D issues, and it's amazing afterwards when you look back and see what pain and tiredness you were battling with, and how much it's effecting you

You need to get it sorted out, your whole body is struggling and it can't be helping you in this exhausting situation either

Thanks MA, I have the mother of all chest infections just come on, I'm wheezing like a good un, started Thursday night, has hit full force today.We have an LA inspection Tuesday morn at least in reception we know when they are coming down (for snappy maths) so I can be prepared.I am more confident teaching maths than phonics so that's a relief.I think I am going to do taking away.We have done lots of adding 2 amounts and making number sentences and the majority seem to get that, I wanted to do taking away as they seem to get that with most of the songs we sing being taking away ones.Our theme is farm animals so I was going to do some duck based sums.Lots of practical, seeing plastic ducks,counting plastic ducks,moving plastic ducks(for my lowers/EAL's) perhaps having 2 bowls of water with ducks in that they can select a duck from each bowl(they have a number under) and make up a number sentence.I would model 1st introducing the takeaway sign.I have the majority that can cope and work with/in that level but about 4 for who this would be too easy and about another 4 who struggle with the concept of what a number is (still sadly :>( ) Which group do I give to my TA to take away and work with seperately? How can I extend my highers enough on the carpet? I was thinking sitting them together and when it came to paired work perhaps having bigger numbers for them to work with, what do others think? It's only 15/20 mins tops but I want it to be visual for the kids/related to our topic and fun (if poss)
I just feel so rubbish tho too.

Quick update, I got my display board up in time and it's showing off the children's work well so I'm happy with that.It must have taken a good 2 hrs though over an evening/next morning.I swear I spend more time at the school than I do at home these days (or it feels like it)It's received good feedback as it's in a prominant place and gets a lot of foot fall.I like to have a story focus wherever poss and I've worked 2 books into the display lol:>)
I was late with my SEN data but I made a point of telling the Senco that I hadn't been shown how to use the IEP writer thingy and other stuff and that my colleague (NOT THE PHASE LEADER!) had shown me what to do to which he replied "o'h" yeah , bl**dy "o'h" so that's why it's late.People there do make me rage.

I think we have a Data deadline coming up too:>(
I just want to go back to bed but my chest hurts too much and I need a shower.

MA, can I ask how they sorted it? I'm still waiting on the results of my last bloods.

Just been dipping in and out, but what about a new agency? My supply teachers all seem to be with a few. Then just tell current one that you have work elsewhere.