Hellish day, just need to vent, no-one to talk to IRL

[fatcheeks1]

Hi, feel this would be a safe place to get some perspective on this.

I am on supply in a local Primary school.It's a failing school.Up until today I was working with small groups providing much needed support (interventions) in speech and language/fine motor skills and number.I work in reception/nursery.I was also covering phase leader's class and NQT's class in reception .It was all going well, until I took over one of the classes belonging to a reception teacher today.She went off sick early, I was due to cover for her in a couple of weeks as she had time booked for an operation/recovery.These 2 weeks were meant to be transitional where she discussed the class with me/their needs, where she was with assessments, what they had covered in phonics etc.I couldn't find any planning, I couldn't find their writing books I couldn't find anything.I didn't know where they were with phonics(all 3 classes are at different stages) so I made do, I didn't have a plan as such I tried to do an assessment type thing on their writing and knowledge of writing simple vc and cvc words, then making up and model writing a sentence.
The head came down and was there for it all, I wanted to cry.They couldn't find their books so I gave them whiteboards, they weren't following instructions, they weren't even trying really.She was busy scribbling away.I couldn't find any resources(the class is a mess) I couldn't find what they had done before.I must have looked so ill prepared, I was but it wasn't from lack of trying.I came in early to look for things and next thing, they were coming in and she was there, looming large as life.I was crap, I know I was crap, I need to speak to her but am sooooo embarrased I don't know what to say.No new learning took place other than perhaps modelling a sentence and talking about capital letters etc but they should know all of that.I know the class, well their names but I don't know their needs.
It was awful , truly awful, the behaviour was o.k, they are just fussy, they were just. . . passive:>(
I didn't talk to them about what they could do and why as I was panicing.I should have been more prepared. . what's the saying. . ."fail to prepare. . . " I knew Friday I was taking the class but was so busy taking another class that by the time I had finished clearing up etc it was way past my time to go(I have family) I just thought there would be stuff in the classroom for me, or some plans on file but there wasn't.

I am sitting here feeling wretched, I don't want to go in tomorrow but I know I have to.I also know I need to speak to her but I don't know where to begin. . .any advice? I have brought home 2 large bags of paper crap from the class to try and sort out tonight.That's without my planning for tomorrow :>(

Sorry this is so long, DH doesn't understand, no-one does, I just feel overwhelmed.

Hope tomorrow is a better day, and your bp comes down!

I am reading this as a non-teacher. I honestly cannot believe this situation and that You feel responsible. You know what? I half feel that this school (head) needs to be left to fail. It's terrible for the kids but you clearly cannot solve the huge structural and managerial problems no matter how hard you try and how hard you work. They need serious outside help by the sounds of it.

What are the repercussions for you if you leave? What is yoyr contract?

On your class going first in assembly, you do realise that 30 little ones will rush home and tell their parents and carers that they were allowed to go first because they were the best? " mummy we were the bestest at assembly".

What a sense of pride for them.

Well done. It sounds as though in two weeks you have created a relationship, things for them to be proud of, the beginning of systems and an aura of calm and order. That is amazing. Well done. I would love you to have been Ds's teacher.

Now cherish yourself.

I would be appreciative too. But... I would not expect you to hang around. Honestly, look out for yourself: no-one else is. Please don't get me wrong. I am a coper and a carer as well but your health is suffering. Why should you pay for someone else's massive failure with your health?

Hi natashabee, she was sick but I think all of the worry has exacerbated things and accelerated her going off sick.I have had a similar injury in the past which thankfully righted itself without needing surgery.I think she has been feeling overwhelmed though as well, who wouldn't with the workload :>(.

When you put it like that Ragusa I feel a bit of a numpty.I am planning my exit, when I feel it would be safe to leave.There is still a lot I want to put in place for the children and do with them/for them.Parents evening next Thursday will certainly be interesting :>)

Just remembered , phase leader came and saw me yesterday and said something along the lines of if you have any questions about reception and teaching in reception, run it by the Head 1st and don't speak directly to the person coming in! I was like "okaaaayyy" and laughed to myself.She can see with her own eyes what is happening I am not going to try and excuse myself or the setting/set up or anything.I won't be resistent but I won't be overly friendly either, I'm far too knackered.The Head must be worried, I think she still sees me as a bit of a loose canon. . . good:>).

I have just emailed my agency asking for more money.If they can't negotiate a better rate for me I am definately going. . . life is far too short.There is another agency worker there who is getting 20 a day more than me.She is doing no where near as much work as me(but still working hard)We have similar teaching years under our belt.As she says she shouldn't get a daily supply rate as she is doing so much more than a daily supply and that is soooo true.To my knowledge I haven't signed a contract for this half term so I could effectively just go.More money would make me feel more valued and would motivate me a bit more to battle on.

Oh really sorry didn't want to make you feel like a numpty :( You're not! I just yhink too much is being asked of you. Well done for asking for more money. I hope they cough up.

Hope today was a better day. Try and focus on what you have achieved to help you get through. In fact I would write a list with your class about what have we done well in the last x weeks

Thanks ladies:>) have had a rollercoaster of a day.We had a speech therapist in who was meant to spend equal amounts of time in all reception classes teaching with the T.A's how to do colourful semantics.we felt the need in my class was so great she stayed longer in ours.First thing she said was "wasn't expecting you to still be here but I'm glad you are" .She is familiar with the set-up.She watched me do a carpet session and gave me great , positive feedback which lifted me no end.She said I had a calm manner, everyone says that but inside I'm all jangly.She said I spoke in a lovely way to the children, my pace was good and she could see I was working hard to set up systems, getting them to listen and respond to each other and extend their responses.We are focusing on boats this week and we had all the large boxes out and the class loved it they were being pirates, they were were rowing in a blue carpet sea, they were in a canoe it was fab.When it was time to tidy up, one boy said "I don't want to tidy up I'm having too much fun" .My heart melted then, I was happy:>)

Aw that is so so lovely. You sound like an amazing teacher, the HT doesn't realise what she could be losing!

That sounds great. I salute teachers like you. I hope they pay you what you're worth

Had an awful day today, so bad I was crying.I was so angry I was raging inside and when I rage I shake then I cry.They can't see how much I have to do, they can't see how little I have to work with and start from.The ladies I work with are lovely but still they pile it on and on and on.I gave it to the phase leader with both barrels I really have had enough.WHY AM I BEING CRITICISED AND MARKED DOWN ON STUFF THAT WAS NOT PICKED UP ON BEFORE???? I am proud of myself that I said what I needed to say how I needed to say it but I feel rubbish as I am so close to walking and I really don't want to.This is such a truly helpless situation.I was told to sort my displays I know I need to do my displays but when I have to go off plan and deal with rubbish every day, almost every minute of the day it's hard.I literally have no more to give but yeah, ok the visual environment is THE most important thing.I know it's important but THE most important thing?
I had a child utter the most shocking and I'm not easily shocked swear words today.It all takes time, the kids are kicking off, kicking back because I am trying to establish a routine and discipline that doesn't appear to have been there before.

Fatcheeks1 I have been following this thread from the beginning. So sorry to hear about today when yesterday went so well. It is a real roller coaster. Well done for defending yourself....give yourself permission to leave if it becomes too painful, your health and wellbeing are important.

Thanks Saadia, everyone is telling me to leave, my poor kids , my husband, the people I am working with.I'm just worried about my reference, you are only as good as your last job and all that. . .

I'm glad the kids have got someone like you at last. Hope things get better for you.

I'm going to have to speak to the Head today.Things have really come on top.I have a parents evening on Thursday which I will need all of the L.J's ready and up to date to show the parents what they have been doing and there is too much to do.I think I am going to have to just take the bag in and empty it all out on her office floor.Wish me luck!

You're on supply at this school aren't you? Presumably long term supply? Is it through an agency? If so I would be going back to the agency and telling them about it and asking them to find me something else. Absolutely not worth the stress especially if you are not on a permanent contract.

Oh fatcheeks, I'm sorry to hear things are still so tough. You are working so very hard and it's awful that it's not being recognized. The learning journeys should not be your problem to sort- you've only been there a few weeks, and you're on supply. If you talk to the head, I would try very hard to present it in terms of being her problem- 'I was wondering what you would like to do about these, as they haven't been updated since x. Do you still want me to show them to the parents?'

Personally, I think they should either get a TA or someone out of class to update them, or explain to the parents that they won't be available to look at this time due to the staffing issues.

Good luck and we are all thinking of you.

Why not turn the tables and instead of presenting a deficit model, say to the parents, " as you know, I've only been here a short time and am a supply teacher how do you think x is doing? I'd be really interested in your view which will help me draw up their learning journey to hand over in due course ? "

My bet is that they will be appalled that you will leave in due course and will want to say lovely things to you.

Well, the agency was meant to be talking to the school today about my money (haven't heard back) and I am getting Monday out of the classroom to do the journals.That is something.I am also getting LSA's to add to them whenever possible.I do feel a bit better.I am just really tired so that naturally affects my energy levels and I am not as upbeat with the children.Everyone is trying, the head actually said "we have to look after you as you are very special".Didn't really know how to take that so I didn't say anything.I wish I were the type of person who could just walk away but I've got the bit between my teeth and now I want to stay until she returns.I wish I didn't but I do:>(. There are some fantastic little characters in that class who are beginning to warm to me and are responding.The parents are friendlier too. It means a lot to be able to come on here and offload, thank you everyone.My husband kept saying "don't cry, when you see the Head, don't cry".I was unable to see her this morning as she was in meetings.

As a parent who has in the position where the class were seriously behind at the end of the first term and the supply teacher saw us after she'd been there only a few weeks I really really didn't have a problem being told that there was catching up to be done.

If you can phrase it along the lines of "Well as Miss X was so unwell and tried to carry on last term to give them continuity the LJs are a little behind in evidence. However I would y seems to have made significant progress in in the last weeks. How do you feel he/she is doing at the moment?"

The school can't criticise you or the former teacher for the consequences of her being ill but the parents will probably be far more supportive if you acknowledge that the dc are behind/have been let down and you are there to get that addressed.