Hellish day, just need to vent, no-one to talk to IRL

[fatcheeks1]

Hi, feel this would be a safe place to get some perspective on this.

I am on supply in a local Primary school.It's a failing school.Up until today I was working with small groups providing much needed support (interventions) in speech and language/fine motor skills and number.I work in reception/nursery.I was also covering phase leader's class and NQT's class in reception .It was all going well, until I took over one of the classes belonging to a reception teacher today.She went off sick early, I was due to cover for her in a couple of weeks as she had time booked for an operation/recovery.These 2 weeks were meant to be transitional where she discussed the class with me/their needs, where she was with assessments, what they had covered in phonics etc.I couldn't find any planning, I couldn't find their writing books I couldn't find anything.I didn't know where they were with phonics(all 3 classes are at different stages) so I made do, I didn't have a plan as such I tried to do an assessment type thing on their writing and knowledge of writing simple vc and cvc words, then making up and model writing a sentence.
The head came down and was there for it all, I wanted to cry.They couldn't find their books so I gave them whiteboards, they weren't following instructions, they weren't even trying really.She was busy scribbling away.I couldn't find any resources(the class is a mess) I couldn't find what they had done before.I must have looked so ill prepared, I was but it wasn't from lack of trying.I came in early to look for things and next thing, they were coming in and she was there, looming large as life.I was crap, I know I was crap, I need to speak to her but am sooooo embarrased I don't know what to say.No new learning took place other than perhaps modelling a sentence and talking about capital letters etc but they should know all of that.I know the class, well their names but I don't know their needs.
It was awful , truly awful, the behaviour was o.k, they are just fussy, they were just. . . passive:>(
I didn't talk to them about what they could do and why as I was panicing.I should have been more prepared. . what's the saying. . ."fail to prepare. . . " I knew Friday I was taking the class but was so busy taking another class that by the time I had finished clearing up etc it was way past my time to go(I have family) I just thought there would be stuff in the classroom for me, or some plans on file but there wasn't.

I am sitting here feeling wretched, I don't want to go in tomorrow but I know I have to.I also know I need to speak to her but I don't know where to begin. . .any advice? I have brought home 2 large bags of paper crap from the class to try and sort out tonight.That's without my planning for tomorrow :>(

Sorry this is so long, DH doesn't understand, no-one does, I just feel overwhelmed.

How have we become like this?
No, really , how?

Take your life back.
How have we become like this? Teaching has always run on guilt and 'for the good of the children' which is why we always went over and above what was necessary. That's why, as a supply teacher, I had everything I needed to go on the road, all the resources and books, all paid for.
When my school went on strike in the early 80s, all we did was withdraw goodwill. That made a huge impact, when we only did what we were paid to do and no more. We'd been doing so much more for free.
The NC came in, and that was OK too, prescriptive for some schools, neccesary for other schools.
Literacy and Numeracy hours were the beginning of the real straitjacket, and the pressure has built ever since, on teachers and on children and on parents.
So turn it back into a job, just a job. Not a piece of your soul every day, being consumed by SLT.

Guggenheim, actually they can fuck off to the far side of fuck for that one :>) that made me LOL I might use that for my PP meeting on Tuesday:>).DH thinks I should fall on my sword and take one for the team and tell them I'll go so they can get a "good" teacher whatever that is these days! But the children have made so much progress in the time I have been in there, but will that be realised? F*ck will it!

You speak a lot of sense Goblinchild

So that's several dozen reasons to quit and not enough to stay.
Whatcha gonna do?

Like I said above I'm not a teacher and I even I can see the ridiculousness of what goes on and what they are putting you through.

I would enjoy your last week with the children, do lots of fun things with them, screw everything else and not return after Easter.

I don't know, that's the simple answer.

I'm feeling a bit better this morning.I slept badly, had an awful dream about the teacher returning and being manic and trashing the classroom and all of the displays and areas I have worked so hard on and ruining the children's work :>( In the dream her face was really scary with grotesque make-up LOL:>).

If I knew what her return would be, when and how exactly I could make more of a decision.I will press for this on Tuesday during my PP meeting, that should be interesting!

If I were you lot, reading all of this , on the other side of the keyboard, I would be saying the same and probably more!.
I really value all of your support and advice.At times it has seemed almost surreal, like it isn't happening to me, well it is but it isn't IFYSWIM.It is the stress I know.I also know I shouldn't dwell on the inadequate thing but I can't help it.I said to my husband I am responsible for what I taught and how I taught it.The lesson was deemed inadequate (I am going to ask to see the write up as I'm sure the head has a copy) therefore I am inadequate,or my teaching is.That is such a horrible word.I don't find teaching easy (who does) but I like working with people and I used to like being in a school environment.I also care about children making progress.My DD was doing a "who does she think she is" type rant in the car last night.Well, she's one of those top notch primary heads that's been brought in from another borough by the LA to trouble shoot and bring this school up! Say I'm the only one in the school that had an inadequate lesson, they are bound to talk about it in the briefing.Where is my post feedback support from SLT? The head saw me waiting to see her yesterday, I saw her several times during the day, no, "do you want to chat about what was said?" Nothing! It was left to the lovely girls I work with.

I need to find out how this might impact on me getting other work.

Get out, now. You've had all good obs up to this point, and this one is obviously a blip. Stay, and you'll get more depressed, more downtrodden, more tired. That blip will turn into a pattern. For the sake of your health, sanity and career, leave. They don't deserve you, but YOUR CHILDREN do. Your daughter is your responsibility. This is just a job, and you absolutely have to see it that way.

I want to add my voice to those saying get out. You owe it to yourself, your DH and your children. And you owe it to the other teachers who work in that environment. It is not acceptable to treat staff as you have been treated and sticking it out "for the sale of the children" won't send that message. Those pupils will never get the stability they need if management chew and spit out staff at this sort of rate. I have found that management have a deluded belief that there is a queue of highly qualified, excellent staff just outside waiting for your job. So they feel no obligation to care for their staff.

Listen to your GP. GPs are pretty good at being objective but prioritising your health.

Hi,hope you are feeling a little better and I hope you are writing a resignation letter as we speak. Do not go in on monday- let your dh speak directly to the head while you go to the dr.

I don't think it will have any impact on any kind of future work at all- why would it?
Daily supply- schools don't care
Longer term supply- don't care either,too busy fighting their own battles.
Job in real world - won't give shit
start own business- you're the boss
ordinary teaching post- unlikely to care
teaching post in shiny,outstanding academy- suppose they might care a bit for about 30 secs.

I have a horrible feeling that you will try to finish the term. If so then print out a copy of union directive on observations to hand to anyone who come to observe,then refuse to attend any feedback sessions.

Be unfailingly polite but record any conversation you have with head /SLT/visiting randoms- write down exactly what is said,by whom etc. This will at least put the wind up them and hopefully entice them to remember that they are not 19 century Mill owners nor are they in charge of a Victorian house of correction. (working conditions would be better)

RESIGN- take control back. They are idiots and have clearly lost the original teacher because of this twaddle,they don't get you as well.

Finally,i think that the original teacher has suffered the same fate and will be in no hurry to get back to that toxic situation,if you go back after easter then it will be a long terms worth of work and ongoing hassle.

I don't mean to sound confrontational,you have my total sympathy. I suspect that your head may well be the kind of eejit who actually thinks that teaching is 'business'. Leave her/him to his/her power shoulder pads,high heels and lonely,empty office. Find a great school where the head remembers how to lead the team.

And to add to what guggenheim wrote, and meant in the kindest way possible...no martyrdom.
Children are resilient, if they know that you like them and think they are lovely that is all they will take from this and internalise. They will probably not remember your name in 5 years time, just how they felt about you.
Don't stay on 'For the good of the children' they will be fine.

You shouldn't be being judged like this. Even in industry you're judged on results not on a 30 min snapshot. They make these judgements like they mean something and it feels personal not just about your job. Also I think many people are being judged on what they cost and this isn't made clear. People are being hounded out. I think you should get away for a few days and get some perspective then you'll get some perspective and see you have to leave.

Goblinchild , you are right.I know I am sounding like a martyr, I am becoming martyr, why? foolish pride I guess, a misplaced sense that they need me.Well, I've had the fall, I am losing my pride rapidly.I know the children will be ok.I guess I also feel responsible for the 2 LSA's I'm working with, I know, I know, silly, no stupid reasons to stay.I'm prepping as we speak for my PP meeting.I have so many questions, so, so many questions.I have every reason to leave and none to stay, as has been said I don't even have to give notice, I haven't signed a contract.

NoEgowoman, you are right it does feel personal, I have taken it personally.Hopefully after Tuesday they will know more about me as a teacher who has been working really hard to bring the children up and on.They have made progress, they are making progress but that might be just something I take away with me as I feel they will not be happy with me.

Guggenheim, you are very insightful.I am beginning to feel the very same thing about the teacher I am covering for.Why would the poor woman be in any hurry to come back? She is going on an action plan, she has been there 13 yrs, perhaps they are trying to get rid, who knows?
I am going back in, well until Tuesday at least, I will prob see the week out but only because one of the other reception teachers is leaving and I want to make the most of our teaching time together.As for what happens after, I am undecided.I am not as worried about the obs grading but still need to get advice.I have a friend who works in an agency, I may contact them.I will definately be joining a union.

Definitely leave - you've got to put yourself and your family first. It will not affect your future supply nor job prospects one bit.

I'M GOING!, I'M GOING, I'M GOING,I'M GOING,I'M GOING!!!!!!

Sitting here with my kids on Mothering Sunday has done it for me.I don't want to go back next week, but I will, I'll see the week out.They will be arsey with me, I may get a rubbish reference but I'll deal with it.I'll get work somewhere, at sometime.My marriage has been under such incredible strain, you would not believe.I have turned into this unrecognisable . . . . thing.

We're going to be checking up on you, you know!
I don't know where I'll be teaching on Monday, so I can't get stressed or worried or spend hours planning and fussing.
My weekends are my own again.

Glad that you've mustered the strength to leave!

That's great. Choosing to leave something you don't like is empowering. It reminds you that you are able to make decisions.

Make sure that you only do what is reasonable this coming week. No working yourself into the ground because you know that you have a break coming up. Be as kind to yourself as possible so that you can actually enjoy the break with your own children.

Day to day supply is fab - you'll get your life back! Don't worry about your reference. Once you get into schools on supply and they see what an asset you'd be you'll be well away! Leave and don't look back!

Thanks everyone, I feel so much better already.I am worried about telling the head but after the way she has treated me and other, really good members of staff, I no longer have the respect for her I once had, so it should be easier.I'm jumping ship and it feels really good .

Don't worry, just tell her that you feel you are not the best fit for her school and wish her well in finding a successor. Stay civil and smiley and FIRM!

Good luck fatcheeks, you will feel like a new person once it's done

High Five fatcheeks and other supplies

Do TRY to keep a straight face when you tell her. Or just hand the envelope over- whatever takes your fancy!

Totally the right decision. Whatja fancy doing in the holidays then,seeing as you can do what you damn well feel like? lol!