Hellish day, just need to vent, no-one to talk to IRL

[fatcheeks1]

Hi, feel this would be a safe place to get some perspective on this.

I am on supply in a local Primary school.It's a failing school.Up until today I was working with small groups providing much needed support (interventions) in speech and language/fine motor skills and number.I work in reception/nursery.I was also covering phase leader's class and NQT's class in reception .It was all going well, until I took over one of the classes belonging to a reception teacher today.She went off sick early, I was due to cover for her in a couple of weeks as she had time booked for an operation/recovery.These 2 weeks were meant to be transitional where she discussed the class with me/their needs, where she was with assessments, what they had covered in phonics etc.I couldn't find any planning, I couldn't find their writing books I couldn't find anything.I didn't know where they were with phonics(all 3 classes are at different stages) so I made do, I didn't have a plan as such I tried to do an assessment type thing on their writing and knowledge of writing simple vc and cvc words, then making up and model writing a sentence.
The head came down and was there for it all, I wanted to cry.They couldn't find their books so I gave them whiteboards, they weren't following instructions, they weren't even trying really.She was busy scribbling away.I couldn't find any resources(the class is a mess) I couldn't find what they had done before.I must have looked so ill prepared, I was but it wasn't from lack of trying.I came in early to look for things and next thing, they were coming in and she was there, looming large as life.I was crap, I know I was crap, I need to speak to her but am sooooo embarrased I don't know what to say.No new learning took place other than perhaps modelling a sentence and talking about capital letters etc but they should know all of that.I know the class, well their names but I don't know their needs.
It was awful , truly awful, the behaviour was o.k, they are just fussy, they were just. . . passive:>(
I didn't talk to them about what they could do and why as I was panicing.I should have been more prepared. . what's the saying. . ."fail to prepare. . . " I knew Friday I was taking the class but was so busy taking another class that by the time I had finished clearing up etc it was way past my time to go(I have family) I just thought there would be stuff in the classroom for me, or some plans on file but there wasn't.

I am sitting here feeling wretched, I don't want to go in tomorrow but I know I have to.I also know I need to speak to her but I don't know where to begin. . .any advice? I have brought home 2 large bags of paper crap from the class to try and sort out tonight.That's without my planning for tomorrow :>(

Sorry this is so long, DH doesn't understand, no-one does, I just feel overwhelmed.

I'm not fantastic but I do care which counts I guess.I have no oooommph to do all of the things expected and I am forever asking "but why?" And as we all know it all gets in the way of what we want to do. . . teach! You need so much energy to do this job, superhuman amounts it seems at times but it is just not sustainable (well not for me).The tiredness is unbelievable , I can seriously liken it at times to how I felt in the early months with my 1st born, that's not good.

I know exactly how you feel fatcheeks and can relate to everything you say. I am also leaving at the end of this term (am in Reception too). Feel exhausted - you are right about the energy levels needed.

Its very sad, in reception and nursery we are expected to be so creative, to go with the kids line of interest (to a degree) to have all of these 'wow' activities every single day.We have had the fact that we are 'boring' levelled at us and perhaps we were before (I don't know) so we have all upped our game with what I feel have been good results.We have interventions set up and ongoing, children being monitored we are always thinking about extending and next steps but still it isn't good enough.I am sick of all of the put downs all of the "you need to be doing this that and a thousand other things".The kids are happy (well most of them) they are safe, they are learning!!!! The amount of hours I spend trawling the net to help my team, find resources that we can use for snack time, snappy maths, afternoon reflection time, end of session times.the kids can't just sit and talk and just be, they have to be doing something, even if they do talk you need to be shaping that talk!!!! I could go on, and apparently we are all rubbish?!?!?!
27 days ladies, 27 days:>)

Hi just wanted to say that I'm in just the same position as you and am going at easter for exactly the same reason.Some aspects of school are just toxic now.

Don't know if this will make you laugh or not but one of the 'insults' aimed at me is that my class is calm and work quietly...I did my best not to laugh at that.

Re the structuring of every aspect of the child's day- I honestly think that some heads do not completely understand what collaborative learning or creative learning actually are.

I hope you have a great day and manage to do some wonderful proper teaching too - maybe read a great story and have fun perhaps?

FWITW I think you are an awesome teacher.

Thank you Guggenheim, I have had a great day, a great day free from observation LOL!

I don't mind some of it, it's just so full on sometimes.There seems to be very little time to just chat to the children.I agree , my head doesn't understand Early Years at all.

I've been off today and yesterday recovering from a stomach bug.Even though I have been in pain with the cramping, I have loved being at home, that has really surprised me.The Dr wanted to sign me off as he thinks I am exhausted(I am).I have had a lot of time to think about this class and what I need to do and I know I need to go in and speak to the head about what happens after Easter.I have been approached by 2 agencies about work already, one is a possible PT , afternoons in reception which I know I would love, but money wise, could I afford it? The other is another full-time reception job which I feel less happy about. When I haven't been sleeping I've been thinking about how I can show the progression I have made but as the data I had, was, for the most part skewed and way off in a lot of cases I'm not sure how to best present this.Any ideas? With honesty and integrity I'm guessing and evidence to back up my claims.

fatcheeks hope you're feeling much better soon. Can't really help with the evidence stuff.

Could you do part time for a term and see how it goes, if you have more non-working time then you may find ways of cutting down expenditure etc.

Hmm... It's definitely the right thing to do to bring this to the head's attention. Once you have done this then it's up to him/her to take action- not you any more!

Just outline what you think and say why. My big line of argument would be that if the levels are overinflated in YR then it will massively effect the SATs results and expected targets/ levels for the rest of the school. So if they have been given a 9 (or whatever it is which means exceptional) in lots of areas then what will happen when they get to Y2 or transition into KS2?
If they are not overinflated then insist that you are AWESOME and have brought them all up to level (whatever it is now)

Can you compare results with similar school in area? Any cluster meetings? Call reception teacher in next 2 local schools? Compare the results from previous 3 years?

Hope someone with more knowledge comes along soon.Good luck.

Thanks Guggenheim, with the data across the 3 reception classes, the teacher I am covering has the lowest marks in literacy which doesn't correspond with the evidence in their L.J's and in their phonics books.I must admit I have really had a push on their writing and have been pleased with the results and the other 2 reception teachers are like "wow" especially as most of it is independent :>) I'm really chuffed with that.It's been hard but worth it as I now feel a lot of them or more of them believe they can write and have something to say.
Their reading folder is a mess though, too many of them are on too low a level.I am rubbish at benchmarking, the phase leader is rubbish for advice so I am going to go straight to the Lit Co-ordinator.I would be so pleased if I could show that they have made improvements in their reading in the 10 weeks I would have been in there.
The Speech Therapist and Senco were in my class yesterday taking photos of my displays and all of the childrens work.She hasn't been in for a while and apparently she was impressed with what I had done/created.I was happy as it isn't even 70% of how I want it.These pictures are going to be shown during next weeks Inset to demonstrate what a good learning environment looks like!!!!! I was like "wayhay" and I did a little happy dance:>) The Senco thinks I'm mad LOL.
It's validating in a way all of the hard work I have put in and how hard the children have been working.
The support staff were so pleased to see me today, apparently the class were awful, really really awful for the supply teacher they had on Monday and a bit better for the different teacher they had yesterday.It took me being off for 2 days to see the impact I have been making.It's a shame SMT can't see that.I have done more displays in the 5 weeks I have been in that class than in the whole year I was in my other class (or at least it feels like that :>) ).

Isn't it just so sad that they are going to let you walk away because they won't support you more, won't pay you more and won't recognise what that class deserve.

What amazing evidence you now have

Thank you RM, I'm just hoping their teacher comes back in a better way both physically and mentally.They are a cracking class, they have always been my favourites out of the 3 classes as there are such spirited characters in there.They are like ducklings and they have latched onto me (or imprinted LOL:>) )
It's our turn to do a class assembly next Friday.It will be my 1st ever assembly in front of all of the parents (I won't look at them (cacking myself face) ) the head (cacking myself even more face) and all of KS1, so no pressure!!!! I have just drafted a script, it looks o.k, I hope it's ok (wish me every luck).

It will be great. When their teacher comes back just think of what a huge difference it will make to her how far they've come on.

Year R always do fantastic assemblies

I have a lot to live up to.The other 2 teachers did really good assemblies :>).

What have you to boost writing op? All tips welcome :)

I would like tips I meant!

It's been hard PB, as they are not used to writing.Those that can, do, those that can't or feel they can't don't .I'm just making a big fuss of all efforts and showing them as examples saying what I really like etc and displaying their work.They have a board they can add too which they have been and a lot of our homework recently has had some kind of writing focus.We have a fruit shop as our role play and they have been writing shopping lists and labels for the fruit etc which they have enjoyed.

Thanks for all the tips. What input are you doing to teach them to write, especially improving the less able?

Forgot to say, we also have writing stars of the week where we display several pieces of work, they really like that and we praise their efforts up to the parents:>).

We have identified those that are really weak and are targetting those for short intervention bursts with the LSA.It isn't as much or as regular as I would like but it's a start.I did speak to those parents at parents evening and have it as one of their targets.Its a confidence thing for a lot of them.When we do any writing as part of our phonics I always make sure they are holding their pencils correctly and we use those pencil hugger things.
The boys are the hardest to engage so I am trying to get them to write about their construction models etc, any opportunity really:>).

Just got the results of my last blood test.Had call from receptionist calling me in as I need to go for another one.My blood calcium levels are low so possible query hypocalcemia and they want to check my Vit D levels.If it's that it might explain why I have been feeling so totally wiped out for ages and I know I'm perimenapausal and it might explain my hypertension.I really do feel like crap and am a bit worried now.I did my knee in the other year and the consultant said I had arthritis of the knee, so I may have had it for a while.
Part of me thinks sod it, I'll go 1st thing tomorrow and sod my observation (I need that like a hole in the head!) but the more sensible me thinks wait til my PPA tom afternoon and go then.
Its our class assembly Friday, o'h joy of joys!!!!

Lack of vit D can make you feel really lousy, hopefully once your levels pick up you'll start feeling much much better.

I certainly do feel lousy.I was blaming the depression on the job which was making me feel so weak and fatigued which in turn was making me more depressed.It's a vicious circle.Yesterday and today I have felt really teary.I have kept up a brave front for the children but to my colleagues I've been apologetic as I've been so down and fed up.I thought I still had some residual bug and had come back too soon .It could be that, it could be more.I am a bit worried but I do really worry.I'm off to bed now, big morning tomorrow, have a triple threat coming down at any time to observe.I'm happy with everything bar phonics, what's the betting they come down for that! I have the pleasure of the deputy, our phase leader and this outstanding practitioner from outside coming in.We'll get through that then Thurs the LSA's are being observed which means they are down in the setting again and Fri is my assembly, then I collapse in a jibbering wreak in the corridor (wibble) :>)

Well, I had my assembly and it was like watching a car crash in slow motion! I only had 23 children and had planned for 27, my main speaker was away.He has been a really strong confident speaker and was a good start to the assembly.The kids were like rabbits in headlights LOL:>).They forgot their lines, didn't sing, one of them kept losing her shoe when they were acting out a song , I just wanted to put my head in my hands.They did get to show off their good work and we had a really good turn out from the parents, they were standing at the back there were not enough chairs!I was so nervous but it's done now and the kids seemed to enjoy it:>).

yeah that's normal! sounds like a good assembly. Never goes as you expect in EY, part of the fun.

Well that's life, they can't all go well fantastically. So good that so many parents came - shows they are interested

Hope you have a peaceful weekend.