Hellish day, just need to vent, no-one to talk to IRL

[fatcheeks1]

Hi, feel this would be a safe place to get some perspective on this.

I am on supply in a local Primary school.It's a failing school.Up until today I was working with small groups providing much needed support (interventions) in speech and language/fine motor skills and number.I work in reception/nursery.I was also covering phase leader's class and NQT's class in reception .It was all going well, until I took over one of the classes belonging to a reception teacher today.She went off sick early, I was due to cover for her in a couple of weeks as she had time booked for an operation/recovery.These 2 weeks were meant to be transitional where she discussed the class with me/their needs, where she was with assessments, what they had covered in phonics etc.I couldn't find any planning, I couldn't find their writing books I couldn't find anything.I didn't know where they were with phonics(all 3 classes are at different stages) so I made do, I didn't have a plan as such I tried to do an assessment type thing on their writing and knowledge of writing simple vc and cvc words, then making up and model writing a sentence.
The head came down and was there for it all, I wanted to cry.They couldn't find their books so I gave them whiteboards, they weren't following instructions, they weren't even trying really.She was busy scribbling away.I couldn't find any resources(the class is a mess) I couldn't find what they had done before.I must have looked so ill prepared, I was but it wasn't from lack of trying.I came in early to look for things and next thing, they were coming in and she was there, looming large as life.I was crap, I know I was crap, I need to speak to her but am sooooo embarrased I don't know what to say.No new learning took place other than perhaps modelling a sentence and talking about capital letters etc but they should know all of that.I know the class, well their names but I don't know their needs.
It was awful , truly awful, the behaviour was o.k, they are just fussy, they were just. . . passive:>(
I didn't talk to them about what they could do and why as I was panicing.I should have been more prepared. . what's the saying. . ."fail to prepare. . . " I knew Friday I was taking the class but was so busy taking another class that by the time I had finished clearing up etc it was way past my time to go(I have family) I just thought there would be stuff in the classroom for me, or some plans on file but there wasn't.

I am sitting here feeling wretched, I don't want to go in tomorrow but I know I have to.I also know I need to speak to her but I don't know where to begin. . .any advice? I have brought home 2 large bags of paper crap from the class to try and sort out tonight.That's without my planning for tomorrow :>(

Sorry this is so long, DH doesn't understand, no-one does, I just feel overwhelmed.

Thanks ww, I don't feel like that!
Well, it's Friday, I have survived my 1st week, well almost.I would normally be looking forward to the weekend but I have a tonne (literally) of catching up work to do(for my class), my poor kids.I have a heap of dirty washing, overspilling from the laundry basket and I've hardly cleaned this week.I am falling asleep about 8 o'clock each night.I am going to ask for an extension on my carpet and phonics/maths planning today from the Head.There is a 5pm deadline for submitting but as I can't find any recent , annotated planning I am finding it really, really hard.I can't find any assessments, any data.They are meant to be assessed in phonics and maths every half term.Not all of the phonics was done last half term and I can't find ANY maths!!!What on earth has the phase leader and SMT been doing. Feeling really sh*tty and tired, really, really tired.There have been successes but it's going to be hard I realise that and I think I need to negotiate more money for what I am doing.How would I go about that ladies, any ideas?

O'h and happy Friday :>)

Just checking in to say I nearly had a meltdown this morning going in, I was so late(for me) as I felt like I was trying to walk through treacle.I was so tired I was shaking.I was holding back the tears in the car.I emailed my phase leader putting her straight really on my difficulties.If she says to me one more time "I have every faith in you" I swear I will throttle her.I was all keyed up to see the Head too but she talked me out of it (only because it will reflect badly on her) I have been so nice about things before but not any more.I am now getting one LSA for longer and one LSA as extra just to help me get the class straight and catch up.It isn't an insult to me and my capabilities.I really need it to sort out my class (the class, oops).It has just taken a week for them to see that, a week of me saying I can't do it on my own, nothing is there, no labels no signage , no class name lists , no anything, no folders, no assessments or very little , no resources (I could go on)
I feel like I am just nagging all of the time, but there have been small successes and I think the children are getting happier as they do more/try new things.
We did P.E today and they were so appreciative, they were a little wild but I was expecting that, they were excited and they are little :>)
I said to my husband I feel like I have flown by the skin of my pants or whatever the saying is, for most of the week, constantly adapting things as I have gone along, like o.k they can't find a space in the hall (yes, that low) so yeah, let's go back a bit, and another bit and again.At least I have plans which I can reflect upon and hopefully make some smarter , more useful plans for next week :>) I am not happy, far from it but I am getting there.I just need to log everything I am doing and the impact it is making and get the credit for it.
I am looking forward to having some wine tonight if I can stay awake:>)

You certainly deserve lots of wine. You are transcending a crap situation. Those kids are so lucky to have a teacher who does not give in whatever is thrown at her. You will get there. Yes, keep on logging everything, particularly all the details of the complete absence of any previous records etc. Good luck for next week and try to have a lovely weekend.

As a TA in foundation class, I know exactly where to find all pupil assessments. Very surprised your TA was not more helpful.

Sounds like a completel nightmare, when dd3 was in year 1 a supply teacher came in after Christmas and had to get them through a years worth of work in 2 terms - somehow she did it but at least the HT was under no illusions of what had happened in the first term...

I have so much respect for that teacher although I think she is a better fit for juniors where she is now permanent staff.

Tbh, Kithulu, the LSA has been really helpful.I just think a lot of stuff just hasn't been done.She has been honest telling me about her role within the class.I think she has been doing long obs and sitting supporting individuals during carpet time and doing interventions within the class but I can't find anything in writing about them.I have a lot of children that need monitoring, I would say at least a 3rd of the class possibly more.

I'm just fed up, my kids don't know me, I'm coming home and falling asleep on the settee every night, I don't get to watch a full programme.I'm lucky if I get to the Doof, Doof's on Enders!What has my life become?, what are we all doing?, no really, a lot of us are killing ourselves and for what????
Found out that we have an Outstanding practioner coming in to see us on Weds morning, to observe and look at our learning environments.That's an RI then and I'm not being negative.She will be with the Head, the Head will probably wonder why I don't have the class sorted but there is so much to do.I can get it tidied, I can get some stuff up, I have 2 displays to put up but I know it won't be enough.
I AM AGENCY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why am I being expected to do all of this crap? Why? I have their learning journals to do this weekend, 28 books, 28 books that haven't had anything put into them since Nov, and then I think I did that.I am so depressed.I am crying now, the pressure is too much, I am being given help but it isn't enough.What can an LSA do in 90 mins a day however good they areI have her doing writing assessments, how they hold their pencil, pressure applied, if they are forming their letters correctly etc.It's very valuable, she is fantastic.I think I am making good use of the support staff.My regular LSA is doing long and short obs, I'm doing assessments.I was meant to have someone helping me in the morning but that is scrappy, I have to go and ask where she is because the lead teacher forgets , yeah, right, she's a bitch.
My family life is crumbling, literally crumbling.My daughter keeps getting detentions for being late.I have worked in the past, I worked all year last year but I am leaving a lot earlier now and getting in later.I was there till 7 pm the other night, planning, it's a joke and I still have my carpet and phonics plan to do.I so want to throw the towel in and say enough, I can't take much more, but I think of the little headway I think I am making and I waver.I know this ob on Weds will just be a snapshot, she has been in before.She knows the regular teacher and the class.I only hope she sees what improvements I have tried to make, what systems I am setting up.The Head will cut me no slack, she is ruthless, even though she is fully aware of what I have inherited.She will just say it is all down to me as support systems have been put in place. . . and it is all down to me.I will plan to the best of my ability, my really tired, can't string a thought together, ability and just see what happens.I have Inset on Monday and Phase on Tuesday so I don't know what time I will have to get my classroom ready.I nearly always work through my lunchtime and get in early as it is.

Urgh.

Union support?

Can you just resign?

I feel so sorry for you having been put in this position and sorry for the dc that their regular teacher and their HT have let them down so so so badly.

So and so for you. Hugs

Hi, not in union(I know, should be:>( ) Am tempted to walk but would feel too guilty, I really like the children, I have bonded with them and want to do well for them.I want them to realise they can read, that they can write, but I need to get them talking.We are really pushing on Makaton, lots of visual stuff, colourful semantics, it's interesting.It would be interesting if I weren't so tired.I feel I am learning a lot.It's stuff I have not used/had much experience of before.
I feel like that too about the regular teacher, did she not realise whoever came in would be like " WTAF?" She hasn't been well for ages.I think she was coming in as there is almost a culture of fear developing in the school.A lot of us feel like dogs being kicked while we are down, but I can leave.

Would the HT panick if you left? Could you use that as a "threat" to get some short term proper support in even if it's just for a few weeks to get on top of everything?

The situation really stinks.

I don't know RM, but you've made me :>) imagining her face.She did like me, I think I was one of the favoured ones.Now, I think I am not living up to her extremely unrealistic expectations and she could be mentally gunning for me (I don't know). I do know that I am trying, but struggling really struggling.I do feel more confident about the children now, 2 weeks into the class.It's all the pressure, the book scrutinies, the uncertainty of observations, the planning, knowing how to do it as it is so different from anything I have done before.Remembering to do things, the deadlines, the checking and re-checking of boards to see what is happening, when.The people who are coming in from outside to help us, increases said pressure.We have Heads in, LA bods in , lead governors, outstanding teachers from outstanding schools(that we have not visited to see how they do things) Speech therapists/maths specialists.It's good but it makes everything that much longer and you have less time to do things.I have a parents evening Thurs week and a planned school trip the following day!!! O'h and I have an assembly coming up too!!!

Hi op, if you need any help I teach eys sen and have loads of planning and resouces stashed in my laptop if any of it might be of use? I came back xto school after mat leave and found it hard to take over from a good colleague, so can't imagine how hard it is to walk into chaos when you're not a known quantity!

Oh Fatcheeks, I wish more people could read your post. You are writing from the heart, and I don't care what the observation says on Wednesday. You clearly deserve one of those Teacher of the Year awards. You care so much about these kids. You are agency and yet you are working so hard to get things up to scratch.

I hope that you get some satisfaction from the fact that the kids are settling, getting to know you, having some consistency in their education and making some progress. B*gger the observations. If I were a parent I would be so grateful for all that you are doing, and for the fact that you care so much.

Look after yourself. You cannot give to these or any other kids if you are completely knackered. If you need to leave, because the Head is totally unrealistic then do so. You will have given as much as you can. You cannot give more, however much you want to.

If the observation is RI, then so be it. In two weeks you may not have had time to get everything sorted. But you clearly have made a difference to the classroom and to the kids. Professionally, you may need to get out to work somewhere more supportive. In the meantime, please remember that inspections and observations are only a measure of (very restricted) professional standards. Morally, emotionally, human-ly, what really matters is whether you have helped those kids to the best of your ability - and that shines through your posts. It's an Outstanding in Heaven, chalked up to you!

Thank you, from all parents, for caring so much

Longtallsally2, thank you, I am crying again and my daughter is looking at me funny lol:>) I will think about what you have said.At my last school (where I didn't fit) , the co-ordinator said I had a good relationship with the kids and parents like it was a bad thing! I can see things working, as an example and I know it is the smallest of things, we had an assembly on Friday, the Head allowed my class to go 1st because we were sitting the best out of all of KS1.This class has never gone 1st, they were shocked, they didn't know what to do, I danced back to the class (in my head, and a bit outwardly) I was that chuffed:>)

Fatcheeks - some great advice here, you're doing a great job and the head should be grateful that you're still there. I think it's worth having a chat with her about things, be honest with her - you have nothing to lose really. The problem with near-failing schools is slt panic and pass this on to others, rather than properly 'leading' the way forward. I say this as someone who has recently left slt at a failing school... Good luck x

Thank you special circumstances I may need your help.I know very little about colourful semantics I have seen a S.T do a carpet session with my class and I have used it a little in my interventions but I am not speech or SEN trained although it is something I am interested in.I have been told, and I also realise that some of my kids require less in terms of the structuring of the CS than the other 2 classes.I think this is a combination of the set up of the class and the needs within it but also more sadly the quality of the teaching/experiences they have had e.g no BeeBot instruction, no P.E , very little work on talk partners etc.
I think she said start with the 'who' is it and what they are doing? Can I ask what widgets are? We are meant to be using them too, I recognise some of the pictures from our visual timetable and its a form of communication is it?

mscnile,you are spot on, that is exactly how I am finding it.I may be wrong, I may be fab on Weds, I know I try to be fab every day.They may like what they see, I will just be true to myself and honest, thanks :>).

This is quite good to get an idea of colourful semantics:
www.londonspeechtherapy.co.uk/wp-content/plugins/downloads-manager/upload/Colourful%20Semantics%20Programme.pdf

Thanks, that looks perfect, I think I will do some sessions using the ORT characters as I kid you not, a 3rd of the class don't know them and I'll use some picture books and get the LSA who has had some training to work with those that are on the no word books using the earliest stages to encourage/structure talk around the books.I am getting more ideas now to form and stage some more monitoring/interventions.This is something I can definately go to the Head with and say it is a need I have identified and what I want to do.Just wait and see the phase teacher copy my ideas. . . again!

If you have any simple sequencing cards or puzzles, it can work quite well alongside colourful semantics. Then you can extend to adding time connectives and before / after as you go.

So initially:
The boy is putting his socks on.
The boy is putting his shoes on.
The boy is going outside.

Then with time connectives:
First, the boy is putting his socks on.
Next, the boy is putting his shoes on.
Finally, the boy is going outside.

Before / after:
What did the boy do BEFORE he put his shoes on?
What did the boy do AFTER he put his shoes on?

Nursery narratives is a good program for working on who, what, where. Beat baby is fun and easy to do and looks at listening skills.
Widget is a symbol writing program- I use boardmaker (which I hate) to make copies of stories, key words, communication fans and boards. Just about anything with text has a symbol in my classroom!

Thanks for all your help this is all new to me being a returning teacher, I'll look those things up :>).

In terms of classroom organisation forgive me if I'm teaching you to suck eggs but
Less is more
All labelled (with symbols!)
Shadows to show where things go
If you can move from area to area with an adult in each one demonstrating how to use equipment, building play skills etc
Communication boards if you can to support language in each area
I have some plans for each area which I could send you- we keep these in each area all the time and they show how each area links to the EYFS, what might be in each area, key language, adult roles and questions

That would be lovely thank you, I'll PM you :>)

Just got back from Drs my BP still too high, need to go back Weds to see my Dr :>(.