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Grieving Despite New Kitten

11 replies

JaceLancs · 25/09/2026 00:43

Sat here tonight having a huge weepy moment - cuddling and playing with gorgeous Fergus whilst missing the adorable Finlay - I’m not wishing Fergus away and he’s very cute but a whole new personality of his own which I need to bond with
With Finn it was so sudden - it’s still raw and maybe I didn’t get to assimilate it all with being away on holiday - I miss him so so much

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WeAreNumpties · 25/09/2026 01:24

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's so traumatic when they go, especially if it was quick or unexpected. Finlay sounds like a lovely boy. What I would say is try not to push bonding with Fergus, it will come naturally in time. I found just the physical process of caring for the new kitten was soothing and distracting, to be needed was comforting in itself. Be kind to yourself. The love will come soon enough.

Londog · 25/09/2026 01:40

I truly understand your pain - I lost my irreplaceable soulmate 🐾 🐈 suddenly and part of my heart died with her. The grief was so overwhelming.
That grief has eventually given way to happy memories of all the fun and love we shared .
I have other cats now and love them very much- our hearts stretch to find more loving space but it takes time .
Finlay has sent Fergus 🌈 for you to love xxxx

InQuiresandplaceswheretheysing · 25/09/2026 03:48

I totally get it. My girl died suddenly two weeks ago. I have a new cat lined up but not ready to come home yet. But I know the love will grow.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 25/09/2026 09:50

Oh @JaceLancs I didn't know you had lost lovely Finlay - I am so sorry.

Everyone is different, but here is my experience. We lost our lovely girl to intestinal lymphoma in April 2024 and it was all a terrible shock. We'd had her back and forth to the vet for vomiting for months but they were never concerned because otherwise she was fine, until I pushed for a referral out of the surgery and they found a massive tumour. (No shade on our vet, even the specialist vet said she expected it was IBD when DP dropped her off for the scans.) We let her go the following week and while it was the right thing for her, it broke our hearts.

I saw Louie on the Cats Protection website a few days later and just knew he was meant to be ours, but I didn't expect it to all move so quickly, and within a week he was home. My DP was away for work and came back to a new cat. I can remember a few weeks after that my friend who came with me to the foster carer to meet him being round for dinner and saying, "do you love him?" and I was actually shocked. I said, "no, he's the wrong cat, but I hope I will in time". Now we're two and a half years on, and I love him wildly - he's such a different cat, and I am sure my girl sent him to me as a wee project while I was so, so sad. I'm teary just writing this because I still miss her so very much! Louie didn't replace her in any way, no cat could, but he gave me someone to love at a time when I needed it - and he was a little lost boy who had been a stray kitten living in a woman's shed and needed someone to love him.

(As balance he's a total bloody pest a lot of the time, mind.)

JaceLancs · 25/09/2026 11:19

Thank you all for sharing your stories - I’m hoping it will be the same here - no idea why it hit me last night but it did!
Feeling more positive today - I got my first cat when I was 21 so over 40 years ago and have loved and lost so many and always gone on to love again
Finlay was truly one of the most special though - maybe because he had such a traumatic accident when he was only 5 months old and spent months of recovery on my lap - he was so loving but yet so independent - he just used up all his lives and my pet insurance far too quickly
Fergus was booked for £20k a year top end insurance within an hour of arriving
This mornings pics for anyone who has not seen my other posts

Grieving Despite New Kitten
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Breadcat24 · 25/09/2026 12:00

@JaceLancs so sorry- I think it just hits you every now and again and you miss them.
I was replacing a bit of stair carpet yesterday that Breadcat had shredded and I missed her.
Micia will do her own damage I am sure

Beamur · 25/09/2026 13:01

I've had my kittens for nearly 8 years and still can't think about my previous cat without getting upset. My DH is the same, we've had other pets, but this one particular cat we both grieve deeply for still.

Allergictoironing · 25/09/2026 19:20

Well over 3.5 years now, and I still have moments when I miss Boycat desperately.

Tobias wasn't brought home for me, he was selected as the perfect boy to get on with Girlcat and even now he can be very wary & jumpy. But I do love him very much indeed, despite him being a terminally ill PITA!

Puppylucky · Yesterday 09:05

I am so sorry @JaceLancs I also missed the news about handsome Finlay. It's ok to feel sad and miss him - you shared a special bond and if the loss was sudden, it's going to be a shock for a while. I'm sure though that you and the lovely Fergus will go on to create a special new relationship that will also bring you joy but in a different way.
From my experience with losing Elton and welcoming Marvin, cats have a way of filling the space around them, so that it becomes unimaginable they were ever not there. I still have sad moments about Elton, but the day to day reality of Marvin is pretty much all consuming - in a good and bad way!

Pudmyboy · Yesterday 14:05

I think it is entirely natural to have these ups and downs, after all, and heartbreakingly, you were away when Finlay died so couldn't have the consolation of friends and family (and possibly seeing Finlay one last time?). Finlay touched so many hearts, people who never met him (including myself) were moved to tears hearing about his demise. He was special. Allow your grief, it is the price of love.
Fergus will find his own space in your heart in time.💐

JaceLancs · Yesterday 21:09

Thank you everyone - I love the litter tray! Beautiful words @Pudmyboy I know he will be missed even on Mumsnet - I had a lovely last evening with him even though I didn’t know I’d never see him again - at the time was just glad we had done special time together before I went away
@Puppylucky @Beamur @Allergictoironing @Breadcat24 sorry for your losses and glad you have been able to
love again

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