Bastarding things your cat has done today. (Or vice versa)

[MyCatIsTheHeadChef]

4 am this morning. DCat is lying on her back snoring. I very gently lay my hand on her tummy to not only get a bite and a scratch, but a few minutes later she came up to my face and bit my nose and hissed.

That'll learn me.

Her version is obvious. 'My bastarding owner tried to pat me when i was asleep. I bit her twice. Tomorrow she will find a shit on her pillow'.

Good thing I adore the little furry overlord.

My big chunky boy pinned my little tabby girl down in a fight (they fight every so often but don't normally go that far). He got a telling off, but he's forgiven now.

Licked the butter off my son’s toast. He then ate it before I could stop him 😭

Been sick on the duvet cover I changed an hour earlier. Its a good thing I love the little shit.

Jumped on my head at 3.30am as she felt it was breakfast time. (Yes, I did feed her as it's the easiest way to shut her up.)

Smacked me in the face at 2.30 am with the hefty claws that he refuses to let me clip and cut my lip. I rewarded him with dreamies.

Mine would say that I aired & changed the bed, which meant there was a whole hour when she couldn’t get under the duvet.

Yep, we had this happen on Saturday, she ate too much too fast, greedy little madam! 😹

I feel your pain.

Mine would say I selfishly deserted my duty as his sofa cushion by going out to do some pointless human errands.

He let us sleep in today but recently he’s been waking me at 5am by getting into our bed and purring so loudly it wakes me!

I washed the kitchen floor and watered all my plants with added organic plant food.

5 minutes later I heard a loud bang: the cat had knocked a flower pot and managed to spray compost and a brownish liquid made of plant food and water all over the very floor I had just cleaned.

Had to start cleaning everything again...

She did look vaguely guilty at least.