Help me find a new home for my cat

[Extrapepperoni]

I totally anticipate being lynched here...

We adopted a cat in 2020 - thought we were doing the right thing of adopt-dont-shop and didn't have much of a chance to get to know the cat due to COVID - he was friendly, and that was that. He is extremely happy with us but he is unpredictable. Hates other cats and has terrorised the neighbourhood (lots of outdoor cats around). Even got into a bloody fight with another cat. Wants to be pet on his own terms but has bitten and scratched all of us (including DD), friends, guests etc. without warning. He will come for petting and affection and then when he's had enough, nip/scratch and bugger off. If it was just OH and me, it would be fine but my daughter is terrified of him and there's a part of me that thinks he knows it and is bullying her! And it would be fine if he kept himself to himself but he wants to be in the middle of everything especially when there are children or guests around.

I have no desire to put him into a situation he wouldn't enjoy eg cats protection etc. but I would like to find him an adult home and have no idea how to go about doing that! Cats protection was no help, they told me cats will be cats and I need to live with it. If that is your advice too, please ignore this thread but if you do have any bright ideas (or takers!!), I could use your help!

TIA, sorry for the long post!

I’ve had cats for over 40 years and I currently live with a very antisocial one who absolutely knows her own mind.

When I first got her, she’d scratch and hiss at me when I was stroking her. Months later I worked out that she does this when she wants me to scratch her behind the ear instead of stroking. The hissing has stopped!

I worked this out by holding my hand out and always letting her come to me. At first she’d rub her back against my hand showing that she wanted to be stroked. At the first sign of hissing, I’d stop stroking and hold out my hand, then she rubbed her ear against my hand, showing she wanted to be scratched.

Now we’ve graduated from hissing to her gently patting my hand when she wants her ear scratched. She’s so much happier now that we’ve worked out how to communicate.

PS - I assume you’ve mentioned all of this to your vet just to rule out any medical issues?

Obviously if it’s dangerous and not trainable you need to have it put down. Cat’s are not going to kill anyone, but their claws can still badly scar.

Rescues are stuffed full of cats. Kitten season is in full swing..
Best way is to find someone you actually know who wants their own thug cat.
He sounds fairly typical of a young male cat.
Get a Feliway plug in. Learn to read the signs when he wants you to stop fussing. Play with him more but with something like a wand toy to protect your hands (it will reduce the prey drive) he will almost certainly calm down and chill out as he gets older. You've done the time on the most challenging years!

Asking round everyone you know, get your parents and in-laws to ask as well. It’s a surprisingly effective way of rehoming animals. Also your older relatives are more likely to know people without children at home.

I'm assuming he's been neutered? Have you taken him to the vet to rule out anything health-wise? He sounds like a young, male cat to be honest and they do tend to start to chill out a bit, feliway plug ins are good because it sounds like he's getting a bit stressed with everyone around him. Does he have a safe space to escape to?

Like others have said, you really need to start reading him, cats give really clear signs when they've had enough, your family may just not have picked these up yet. In terms of rehoming, if you're really serious I would just put the feelers out to friends and family - rescues are so full of kittens at the moment he's unlikely to be rehomed and likely to be put down.

He's gorgeous.

you need to learn to read his signals!

tell DD just to leave him alone. Same with visitors. Give him a safe space to retreat to.

stroke him when he come to you, but learn what his 'I've had enough' signals are, there will be some.

Thanks for the inputs!
He's about 6 or 7, we neutered him when we got him but he was already an adult at that point. No medical issues, on occasion he is crankier than normal if hurt in a cat fight. He also has the run of the place so isn't forced to be anywhere he doesn't want, the issue is he chooses to be in the mix (will repeatedly come back into the room).

We don't have any family here or I absolutely would use the relative network. Maybe I'll check if I can export him to Ireland! Will try the feliway!

PS: I agree rescues aren't the way to go so need to find someone myself - and there is no way I'm putting him down.

You adopted him? So you contact the rescue and explain. They can get you to keep him while they find the right home.

This.

Your contract with the rescue will almost certainly say that he should be returned to them for re-homing.

Offering him on the internet is the most irresponsible thing you can do.

Contact an animal behaviorist? Build a catio to keep him away from the neighbours' cats? Is he getting plenty of play/stimulation every day?

Agree that you need to learn to read the signals. I have a 7 year old rescue and when she sits down, she's had enough.

the issue is he chooses to be in the mix (will repeatedly come back into the room).
Do you have a cat tree that he can sit on so he's away from hands and feet but is still part of your family? Make it an absolute rule that when he is on it then nobody can touch him, its his safe place. That includes you and dh.

You all need to watch out for his body language for when he is saying enough. Sometimes it's a flop onto their side and this can look like an invitation for more fussing but for some cats they are getting ready for defence/claws. Some cats hate being stroked along their flanks or past their shoulders. Some cats get over stimulated from stroking but love scritches. It's knowing whether your cat wants company or food but not fuss. Start to learn about your cat so you can live together, and that includes letting him have special safe places in your home.

I think your cat likes you but has a very low threshold for arousal.
I'd avoid fussing him unless he literally inserts himself in your hand or lap and then stop before he is quite ready to stop.
One of my cats is like this - there's a tiny gap between loving it and stop now. It's the smallest twitch of the tip of her tail that indicates this. Never pick cats up. Very few actually like it.
Flopping onto their side or back is a signal they trust you - not an invitation to fuss.
This obviously is different with some cats - but I think twitchy cats need a more hands off approach.
I suspect if you build trust by reading the signs better he will probably bite less as the more subtle signs are not being picked up right now. I reckon that the bite/scratch is communication of last resort.

I also agree about the signals. Although some can switch quickly, my girl would bite to get your attention when younger if you weren't giving her enough attention when sat near her. Also in my experience most are quite scratchy/bitey when young then mellow once they get to 12ish. I just told my DC to stay clear when young. Now my 7yo is very good at reading ours and they have a really lovely bond. Definitely return to rescue if you need to rehome, normally it's in the adoption agreement. But if you do, I'd advise getting a different pet next time as you'll have a similar experience with most cats.

You need to learn the behaviour and signalling from your cat not bring in a behaviourist.

Theres nothing wrong with him, it’s you that needs to learn to read him. Their body language is quite clear and once you learn that he’ll stop trying to teach you.

Couldn't a behaviourist help with identifying the signals if the cat's owners are struggling?

He sounds like a totally normal cat to me, albeit one that's easily overstimulated.

Our oldest is very similar - we just have to read him carefully and only give him affection on his terms and when he asks for it. So, as PP suggested - don't stroke him when he comes to you, hold your hand out for him to sniff and let him put his head or body where he wants to be touched. If his tail starts flicking or his ears go back, stop and move way - that's a clear warning sign that he's had enough and if you ignore it, he will bite or scratch.

Make sure he has plenty of cat furniture and opportunities to be in the room with you without being in the middle of everything. I'd also make sure he gets plenty of play - ideally with flirt poles and toys that keep him away from your hands. The "hunt catch kill" routine is useful too.