If my cat was a man...

[MargotMoon]

...I reckon I'd be told to LTB by the whole of MN.

He woke me up this morning being sick on the pillow next to me, after being out half the night.

He attacks me when I don't make his breakfast quickly enough, and vocally demands additional food/snacks throughout the day, until I make his dinner.

He leaves his toilet in a mess and expects me to clean it up.

He likes to fall asleep on me and when I move even a tiny bit, he bites me. He treats me like a human sofa.

Sometimes he attacks me for no reason, eg if I am walking past him he will bite me.

I'm currently unwell and he hasn't even so much as asked me how I am, or made me a cup of tea.

He demands affection constantly and when he has had enough he scratches or bites me and walks off, not even so much as a head rub in return.

He is a hooligan and likes to go out looking for trouble, he recently came home with wounds all over him from a fight and when I tried to take him to get them looked at he wasn't happy, then they got infected and he wouldn't let me put the prescription cream on.

He sleeps ALL DAY and nearly ALL NIGHT. Approx 16 hours a day.

He doesn't like visitors to the house and will bite them, even if they are really nice to him.

He has NEVER ONCE made me anything, cleaned anything, gone out to work, paid for anything or thanked me for anything.

He once shredded a baby rat and left it on the kitchen floor for me to find, like a psychopath's warning.

Oh dear, he does sound like a bit of a cocklodger Have you tried issuing an ultimatum?

My cat likes to play fast and loose with my affections - one minute she's lovebombing me, then she fecks off without a backwards glance.

😆

He does sound violent though, I have had many cats and not been physically attacked like that.

He's a total cocklodger! 😂.

He's a rescue cat - twice abandoned and so has definite behavioural issues. But he's 14 and set in his ways so it's lucky I love him 😍

He'd probably be in prison! He got his twin sister pregnant when they were both barely out of puberty, then was left 'holding the kittens' when they were all rescued and fostered and his sister was adopted first. In fairness, he was a great dad to his kittens, but I think it was a relief when he came to me and could finish off his own kittenhood with a doting new mum. The kittens were adopted elsewhere as a pair, so happy endings all round.

Omg, it would all be on Catsnet, wouldn’t it? Domestic violence, narcissism, love-bombing, incest. Shocking!

thanks this make my night
dead things are a gifts
my 24lb boy would leave locusts under the edge of the carpet
he sits on my head at night
yells when there is not atreat or nip when he wants it
the staffie just stares at him like he is an alien
i have had ones way different but joe is cool too
sounds like yousr need a night at the pub!!

my 24lb boy would leave locusts under the edge of the carpet

That sounds terribly Biblical Whereabouts are you and your 24lb boy? My boy is 20lb; love a big chunk of a cat, I do.

Thank god there's no cat version of Jeremy Kyle! 🙀😹

He once shredded a baby rat and left it on the kitchen floor for me to find, like a psychopath's warning

How can you say he isn't working or paying you then? Getting rid of rodents is definitely a Job, and he's generously given the, er, tasty treat as a gift to you :)

This thread is making me laugh. Cats are furry jerks, no question about it. But lie would be so less fun without them...