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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Talking to children about cat being pts

12 replies

WhirlwindHugs · 11/02/2017 11:59

DCat is very old, with multiple health conditions. She picked up an infection a few weeks ago and after initially responding well to targeted antibiotics has gone down hill again. I'd talked to the vet about this possibility so we're going to give her a few more days then this is it Sad

Kids are 3, 5 and 7. 7yo has got extremely upset at the idea of DCat dying. Not sure when to say something to the others.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 11/02/2017 12:28

It's not easy - especially when you're hurting yourself.

Have a read of this. (You should also be able to download it.)

Original poster
WhirlwindHugs · 11/02/2017 12:53

Thanks Cosie x

OP posts:
Badcat666 · 11/02/2017 13:21

Don't spring it on them. It might be easier for the younger ones to understand over a few days that kitty is very very ill and is dying. It will also give them time to sit with her and cuddle and stroke her. It will help the 7yr old especially as at that age they know what death is.

Also when the time comes, let them say goodbye.

Don't tell the younger ones she has "gone away" or "gone for a long sleep". I have vivid memories of my very young nephew searching my mums garden in near hysterics trying to find her dog that was PTS as his mum had told him "she had gone to sleep in the garden".

(and if you have a garden, consider burying her there so the kids can see go and say "hello". I used to go and sit and talk to my old dog when I was little and tell her about school as I had always done that every day).

Am so sorry for you and your family, losing a pet is horrible Flowers

Original poster
WhirlwindHugs · 11/02/2017 17:51

We need to talk about where to do it, but planning to bury her and plant some bulbs over the top.

I think the older two will take it very hard. We've been telling them how poorly she is but hoping that the antiBs would work. Maybe we should have been more realistic. But it's hard to upset them (and think that this is the end)

OP posts:
Butterflystar76 · 11/02/2017 17:56

You could get the Goodnight Mog book... it is lovely but will make you cry. (And just a warning they get a new kitten at the end of it)
Thoughts with you, such sad times, but remember you have given your furry friend a life full of love

Toddlerteaplease · 11/02/2017 17:57

I was just about to suggest Goodbye Mog. It's sad but beautifully written.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/02/2017 17:59

I agree with not springing it on them. I can remember coming home from school to find our gorgeous Old English Sheepdog had been PTS. I had no idea he was ill and I was devastated. I was old than your DCs, 14 at the time, and definitely old enough to understand and say my goodbyes.

idril · 11/02/2017 22:30

My children were 6 and 7 when when we had one of our cats PTS. It's tricky with the timing but I didn't tell them he was PTS, I just told them he'd died.

They knew he was ill (he had liver cancer) but no matter how much I told them he wouldn't get better and was going to die very soon, they still thought there was a chance that he might get better. They would never have forgiven me at that age if I'd told them he was PTS and they would have wanted to hang on "just in case" so in the end, I took him to the vet when they weren't there and we brought his body home. I didn't lie to them - I just told them he'd died and they accepted that.

That was 3 years ago and I've since told them the whole truth and they understand now.

cozietoesie · 11/02/2017 22:44

You knew your own children and thought about the situation. That helps.

hapagirl · 12/02/2017 08:48

We had to put our very old and decrepit dog to sleep last year when dcs were 4,8 and 9. She was deaf and blind, had dementia so was confused and distressed and possibly in pain. We explained all this and said as owners the kindest thing we could do for her was to take her to the vet where they would very gently put her to sleep and allow her to go to dog heaven where she could see, hear and run again. We spent the last week spoiling her rotten (it was summer so we ate in a blanket in the garden everyday to be the same level as her). Lots of cuddles and kisses. On the day they said good bye to her before I took them to a friend's house. They were very sad and crying as was I but they love her and there is no helping that. We all went to pick up her ashes and now they have her urn in a shrine to her in the house. Some people might find that weird but they didn't want her outside on her own. The worst part was when the youngest said she wanted to die to be with her but we told her it wasn't her time and that our dog would wait. We lasted about three months without a pet then we got a kitten. Sorry for this sad time you are going through. But your kitty will be a part of your family forever x

Original poster
WhirlwindHugs · 14/02/2017 21:56

Thank you everyone for the advice.

Today was the day - I'm glad we told the kids a few days ago what would be happening as it's given them time to come up and ask questions a little bit at a time.

OP posts:
hapagirl · 14/02/2017 22:39

Sorry for your loss. Hope you are all okay tonight.

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