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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

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Original poster

Why is he unfaithful?

14 replies

MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 10/08/2015 00:14

We brought him home, worshipped at his (large) furry feet... and Obie basically lives at the neighbours' house :(

He is friends with their cat.. which is sweet, and they are really lovely people.. but I'm a bit sad that they are waking up in the morning with him on the end of their bed!!!! He basically comes home for food (they don't feed him although he does nick their crunchies) and a kip on the sofa and spends 80% of his day (or night apparently!) in their garden ...and in their house.

Today he appeared on my fb... one pic of him in their garden..another of him flat out on their bedroom floor!! They genuinely haven't tried to steal him, but he just prefers it there and it makes me sad :(

He has no reason to be unhappy here.. fed, loved, spoiled! His sister loves us and never goes out of the garden.

He's also been caught on another neighbour's bed and seems to feel he owns every house nearby!

OP posts:

gamerchick · 10/08/2015 00:31

They don't have to let him though. I've had a few cats try to move in and they get chased.

Knock at their door tomorrow and tell them you're turning over all care to them, including vet bills and he's now their cat. Or they can chase him when he goes into their house. or you'll rehome him.

I know they say cats choose their owners but there's no need to encourage it.

CordeliaFoxx · 10/08/2015 00:32

Cats don't have a loyal bone in their bodies! Unless the neighbours remove him from the house every time they find him I don't know what else you can do.

Original poster

MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 10/08/2015 00:54

They won't remove him..he plays with their cat and they adore him. Their son asked if they could have him (!!) and I said no.. besides which being only 3 doors down I don't think it would make a difference..he'd just continue to use us as a base , then bugger off.

I couldn't rehome him.. he's my boy even if he is not attached to me. But it makes me sad that he doesn't love us. I know all cats are individuals but even my feisty little Portia purrs and comes for affection on her own terms. Obie seems so distant :(

OP posts:

cozietoesie · 10/08/2015 01:03

....they don't feed him.....

Heard that one before.

Fluffycloudland77 · 10/08/2015 07:53

Can you keep him in at night? we've used panels of wood and calor gas bottles to keep ours in overnight or he bangs on the cat flap until the catch breaks.

I wouldn't like mine sleeping on someone elses bed either.

saintlyjimjams · 10/08/2015 08:11

I have a cat like that. First noticed she was being fed next door when cat food appeared on their balcony. She was mighty confused when they moved.

Then my neighbour from two doors up told me she goes in there all the time for a snooze and a play!

Her sister is a home bird but she is always looking for new places.

HemanOrSheRa · 10/08/2015 08:17

He's an absolute stunner! Very handsome. And I bet they are bloody feeding him.

I had something similar with my cat. An elderly lady appeared at the gate one day and asked if the cat belonged to me. The lady was worried as she was 'always in the garden begging to be let in and fed'. But she insisted that she didn't feed her. Would never do such a thing. She then pointed out that my cat absolutely loved Bernard Matthews Turkey Ham! And if I wanted to keep her at home I should buy some of that! I pointed out that this meant she was actually feeding her, then . And could she please stop it!

My cat is a complete tart though. I'll often go out and find her rolling around on the pavement with someone stroking her. She jumps through peoples windows, follows people around and often spends hours sat on a neighbours conservatory roof, tormenting their dog until he is senseless!

greenhill · 10/08/2015 08:20

They may say they aren't feeding him, but I reckon he gets plenty of food from the other cats bowl!

Has he fallen out with your other cats? Is he chased from his bowl at your house? Maybe the other cat at the NDN's is more tolerant of his presence, so he's not rejecting you, as such, but your other cats.

I'm sure he still loves you, he wouldn't come back to yours at all if he didn't!

LadyPlumpington · 10/08/2015 08:28

I'm a little bit at some of these responses......'Your cat's straying? Keep him in the house so he can't go to the place he clearly enjoys visiting, that'll solve the problem.'

One of our cats basically moved into our NDN's house in our old place - NDN was a lovely woman with a young son and they were renting so couldn't have a cat of their own. They LOVED our girl - she'd come home smelling of NDN's perfume. I was a bit sad about it but she was happy and NDN treated her like royalty. It was awful when we moved because NDN had to help us catch her on removal day. DH said he had to take our girl from NDN's arms as NDN struggled not to cry and that he's never felt like such a complete bastard. If we could have officially handed her over to NDN at that point, we would have.

Basically, it's hard but it's just in a cat's nature to roam about (some more than others). Try not to take it personally. He must like you at least a bit or he wouldn't come back, as pp said. In fact I'd be worried that if you did lock him in then he'd hate it, have bad memories tied up with your house and be more cautious about returning in future....

Original poster

MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 10/08/2015 09:27

He hasn't fallen out with our other cats. Ophie is his sister and washes him whenever he comes home, and even Portia , our old lady (who doesn't like anyone else!) takes no notice of him..the odd slap in passing on occasion but she doesn't even do that very often. They all eat in a row.

He is a real roamer.. most of the neighbours have found him snooping. I've just never had a cat before who didn't want to spend time with us :(

OP posts:

greenhill · 10/08/2015 09:55

Ah well, it's just his personality then....he's spreading the love

Excuse me, if I'm being out of turn here, but I saw on another thread that you weren't happy with your haircut or colour, do you just feel a bit unsettled, looking for change and a bit meh about things at the moment? Looking for little niggles and worrying about your cats might be a symptom of that.

code · 10/08/2015 10:05

He's just a cat who does his own thing. One of my boys is like that. His brother will pop back every half hour to check in but the other will stay out for hours. He's also best buds with the cat next door and eats his food (and gets diarrhoea-wonderful! ) and they hang out in NDN garden a lot. I'm not sure what you can do other than ask them not to feed him. Maybe look on it that it's good thing they love him and look out for him. Better that than a neighbour who hates cats.

Original poster

MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 10/08/2015 10:10

LOL Greenhill.. actually you might be right.. I'm a bit meh with life indeed; no good reason why really.. I'm on my school hols (broke and bored!), two of my kids have just graduated and are getting set up in new jobs ( we are in the process of getting them set up in new flats ..hence broke..ouch...) and I think I might just feel a bit left over.. girls barely need me and the cat barely wants me!

Possibly I need to give myself a good talking to !

OP posts:

greenhill · 10/08/2015 10:18

In that case you need to see a cute cat pic

cats in a nest

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