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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

What do I tell the dcs? :'-(

23 replies

Sadandconfusednamechanger · 25/02/2015 03:11

I lay here awake in bed next to my youngest (with ASD), cat obsessed, 5 years old DD watching her happily sleep. Tonight her beloved rescue cat who has been here 2 weeks was struggling to breathe and hadn't eaten today. So I insisted that DP take him to the emergency vet ( which he did but grudgingly because he thought he was fine). Awoken to a call from the vet at 2am to explain that cat is bleeding in his thorax and inside his lungs was filling up with blood. He may not even make it through the night. Sad. He has a month's free Petplan and now it turns out he won't even make it that far Sad.
What the hell do I tell the kids? DD will have real trouble with the truth I think.

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maybeIwillmaybeIwont · 25/02/2015 03:34

Hello, I'm wide awake for some unknown reason, but poor cat and poor you! Well done on getting him to the emergency vet, he's in the right place although it doesn't sound good, does it Sad. But they are resilient little things.

As to what to tell your DCs, I have no idea, so I'm not much help, just didn't want to read and run Flowers

Original poster
Sadandconfusednamechanger · 25/02/2015 03:44

Thanks for posting. I am still awake. I was told they would have to phone me if he died during the night. Even if he doesn't the outcome is not going to be good Sad.
He was due at the vet today for his second set of vaccinations. I was going to tell DD that he was at the vet for that already when she woke up, but now it looks so bleak maybe I need to tell her he's there because he is poorly. Oh I don't know. My DS was 3.5 when our last cat died suddenly and it sparked off a whole fear of death thing.

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maybeIwillmaybeIwont · 25/02/2015 07:16

Any news Sadandconfused?

springbabydays · 25/02/2015 07:35

I was 8 when my first cat died. I was upset but remember being quite matter of fact about it too (more so than I am as an adult in fact!)

I think you should be truthful. It's an important lesson, although the timing is clearly not ideal. However you know your dc best. Sorry your cat is so poorly. :-(

Original poster
Sadandconfusednamechanger · 25/02/2015 07:56

I have been truthful with the almost 8 year old. The 5 year old has been told he got very poorly and had to be taken to hospital, but the vets are trying to make him better. She needs to know this in case the worst happens later, I agree.
Phone call this morning to say he made it through the night. We are to call after rounds/school drop off to know more.

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Original poster
Sadandconfusednamechanger · 25/02/2015 08:00

Thanks maybeIwill Flowers for caring.
Springbabydays I agree with you about the truth. DD is autistic and very anxious but she is very capable of understanding as long as she is calm and it is handled very very carefully.

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RubbishMantra · 25/02/2015 08:53

I wish I could be helpful Sadandconfused, but I don't have children, so don't know how to offer help in that department.

Wanted to offer you a bit of a handhold though.

Bless you all.

Madamecastafiore · 25/02/2015 08:58

You tell them the truth then deal with their natural emotions.

MontserratCaballe · 25/02/2015 09:02

Poor puss and poor you. I hope the cat pulls through. Good sign that he made it through the night.

Keep talking to your children and tell them the truth in gentle terms. Let us know how you get on after the school run.

Sending you my best wishes Flowers

Original poster
Sadandconfusednamechanger · 25/02/2015 11:12

They are doing tests on his heart now. They keep asking if he had access to rat poison etc but he hasn't even been out yet as he was due his vaccinations today.
Pet plan are dealing directly with the vet. We have the free 4 weeks cover which can then be renewed. Does anyone know if they will turn around after the 4 weeks and call his condition preexisting? The quote for investigations is around 2k and the cover is for up to 4k?

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Original poster
Sadandconfusednamechanger · 25/02/2015 11:35

Thanks for all the kind wishes. I have lurked in here for info on food and cat rescues but not really posted yet.

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LastingLight · 25/02/2015 11:46

Holding thumbs for your kitty. I think your approach to the DC is as good as it can be under the circumstances.

springbabydays · 25/02/2015 14:06

I would hope that pet plan will continue the policy for you without considering the condition as pre existing. If the free trial isn't usable then what is the point of it? Read the small print or give them a call to clarify. You don't want to be worrying about that on top of everything else. Wishing you and your dc and your kitty all the best.

timtam23 · 25/02/2015 14:42

Very sorry to hear this. I really hope your cat pulls through. The Blue Cross charity does some downloadable leaflets about losing a pet & how to explain it to children. If the worst happens they might be worth a look. Sorry I can't link to them from phone. I hope the news from vets is better later.

sparkysparkysparky · 25/02/2015 17:08

The truth is best as gently as you can. I let my Dd (7) cry and say what she wanted including being angry with the cat for dying. I didn't try to cheer her up with banalities. We hugged. I shed a tear too. She didnâ??t want an instant replacement, to my surprise and relief. Grief is normal and can't be avoided. Thanks

Original poster
Sadandconfusednamechanger · 26/02/2015 10:35

Thank you so much for your good wishes. You are all lovely.
The good news is that our cat has made good improvements overnight. The bad news is that he has a heart condition. It will mean medication and a much shorter life. He may die in the next couple of weeks. But he will be allowed to come home, hopefully tomorrow.

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springbabydays · 26/02/2015 13:48

I'm so pleased to hear you will have some more time to spend with your dear cat. However long he has left, he has a loving home and family, rather than ending his days in a rescue centre. Flowers

maybeIwillmaybeIwont · 26/02/2015 18:30

Yes, bitter/good news, but as springbaby says, he will end his life with love. And who knows, he may live longer than you expect, bless him.

girliefriend · 26/02/2015 21:03

Had a similar dilemma with my 9yo dd today as her 10 month old kitten has a mass in her mouth, we have a week to wait for definitive result but looking like possible tumour Sad

When we took the kitten to the vet last week I said to dd that I thought girliekitten was quite poorly and dd said 'like having the flu?' Sad however after bringing her home tonight I felt like I had to prepare dd for the worst. I told her as truthfully as I could that it might be cancer and if it is girliekitten might die. She was obviously really upset and cried but then seemed accept it.

I feel at least this will hopefully have prepared her a bit.

Hope your poor puss is feeling a bit better Flowers

Original poster
Sadandconfusednamechanger · 26/02/2015 21:23

We have been visiting tonight. He has definitely improved in that he's not labouring with his breathing but he was quite weak and he has lots of bare patches where they shaved him, poor little kitty. He was pleased to see us - we all got a good head nuzzling in turn so despite the fact we haven't had him long it was sweet that he greeted us like his family.

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Original poster
Sadandconfusednamechanger · 26/02/2015 21:29

Springbabydays that is one good thing. He has lots of spoiling ahead of him when he comes home.
girlifriend Sorry to hear about your kitten. It's so young and how sad for your DD to be facing this too x

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CunningCat · 26/02/2015 22:25

So sad your kitty is so ill. Last year my youngest kitty was run over and killed outside our house.
I explained to my youngest DC's that she had gone to kitty heaven to play with all the other cats and we released a helium balloon that night with notes they had written for her. They seemed to accept this, even though we are not religious. Flowers to you and your family.

Original poster
Sadandconfusednamechanger · 01/03/2015 20:18

Thank you cunningcat. Our lovely cat is home now complete with various medication to be taken. He is a lot more himself now than before, and back to being a lot more interactive. He still seems quite dainty and thin but he has perked up a lot. Cats who have had this sort of heart disease apparently don't live very long though Sad

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