Long haired cat with diarrhea stuck all round his bottom - Help!! (please)

[BibiBlocksbergv2]

Long haired moggy cat has just come home with liquid poop smeared all in his fur around his bottom.

Eeeek! First time I've had to deal with this, always had short haired cats before.

Tried wiping at it with paper towels soaked in warm water and a wet towel but the little bugger wriggles away then sits firmly on his behind so i can't get to it.

No pet wipes or any cat friendly detergents in the house either

He's a nightmare, hates being manhandled, twists out of being scruffed in a heartbeat, will bite & scratch if humans persist in trying to administer anything other than strokes.

The stench coming off of him is unholy, can't let him in the house the way he is but obviously don't want to make him sleep outside either

I'm going to have to get him in the bath and rinse his derriere won't I?

Anyone else had to do this? Any tips on how to make it the least stressful for cat (and human)?

It's worth trying to just bathe the cat gently, as another user has said, when they get are wet they do tend to freeze and you get the job done calmly and quickly. Once you start wrapping them in towels they know something horrible is going to happen and they just fight it harder, although it is a good plan b :)
I've had to wash my Ed's bum once and apart from a bit of mom what are you doing to me meow, that was it, oh and keep him regulary trimmed, it's a massive help, although Ed moves around so much it's like trying to cut a whole lawn with nail scissors in a hurricane!

I had this today too!
Obie did a nice big poo and somehow appeared to have sat in it, massaging it into his long hair and leaving large squidgy clumps dangling. THEN he lovingly woke me up and rolled around my bed, then DS1's then DS2s.. then various surfaces while I leapt out of bed frantically trying to grab him.

One quick butt wash failed and I had to go to work, so returned to have to clean the house top to toe, change all the beds (only done at the weekend!) and then ..Obie. Still rank.

First we got some scissors and attempted to cut off the worst of it. Then we got a bowl of warm soapy water and a soft scrubbing brush. He was not impressed....

He still smells a bit vile but presumably it will improve as he dries .. I hope. He is currently sulking in the conservatory and glaring at me.

And I will now have to boil wash my best sewing scissors... sob!

Remind me to get short hairs next time!!!!