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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

My cat passed away last night...

59 replies

KittieCat · 05/08/2013 08:59

My amazing 19 year old moggy died just before midnight last night. I'm devastated and feel utterly bereft. She was my best friend and had been since I met her16 years ago.

She'd used lots of her nine lives, having gone missing for 6.5 weeks many years back, but thanks to an extensive search and poster campaign we found her. She then went through two years of chemo and came out the other side but this time she was out of luck.

Trying to be as normal as possible for DS who is 2.5. Not wholly successful...

No idea what we'll say to him when he realises she's not around. Any age appropriate suggestions? Don't want to scare him into thinking if you're unwell then this is what happens, but equally don't want to lie that she's gone to live on a farm etc...

It's shit. I miss her.

OP posts:
LEMisdisappointed · 05/08/2013 09:04

So sorry for your loss - that is very sad :( You must know that 19 is an amazing age for a cat and it sounds like you have always took very good care of her. I would probably keep things matter of fact for DS, don't offer more information than what is asked for. Hes pretty young and as you say, you dont want to scare him. I don't thin he will ask too much at that age.

Will you get another cat, do you think?

Original poster
KittieCat · 05/08/2013 09:19

Thanks, LEM. We have two other cats who we love to bits... just not quite in the same way as I love my girl. She was my first cat after 21 years of wanting one and was a very strong personality.

I'll wait for DS to ask but not sure he'll get the whole death thing. He's also a real questioner so not looking forward to the probing questions today as feeling fragile at best.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 05/08/2013 11:51

So sorry, KittieCat. It's very hard.

I think it's a good idea to only give such information as is asked for. DS is very young so although there is a book available for children (another poster may be able to link you to it) he may not even get the material in that. Hopefully, having the two other cats around will help with any problems.

All the best for you and your family.

Original poster
KittieCat · 05/08/2013 12:37

Thanks, Cozie. We've been out this morning and so avoided her absence thus far...

Good advice about just answering questions. Maybe a simple 'she's gone away' will suffice? I may then be able to distract before he starts the inevitable forensic analysis.

Funny how kind words of strangers on the Internet bring a bit of comfort.

OP posts:
BurnThisDiscoDown · 05/08/2013 12:42

So sorry for your loss KittyCat, we lost one of our cats too last weekend. DS, who us just 2, knew he was very poorly (he kept bringing him cat crunchies!), but hasn't seemed to notice he's gone yet. He's not particularly verbal yet though, I don't know if that's making a difference.

Original poster
KittieCat · 05/08/2013 13:41

Thanks, Burn, sorry to hear of your loss, too. It's awful, isn't it?

I assumed DS would notice straightaway that she wasn't in her usual space this morning but maybe their minds just work differently if your DS is also oblivious..? Long may the blissful ignorance continue on both parts.

Dreading him asking where she is.

We need to take our cat to the vet this pm so she can be cremated and fear it is going to be a challenge to stop DS noticing the box etc. Thankfully my parents have offered to come over while we do this last thing for her, so that's a very welcome distraction.

Thanks again all for posting.

OP posts:
SunshineBossaNova · 05/08/2013 14:53

I'm so sorry Kittiecat. My boy is 19 and is the love of my life.

allmycats · 05/08/2013 16:01

So sorry will be thinking of you today. I know what you feel about a special cat. It is 8 years since 'Miss Kitty' passed and I still miss her.

GetStuffezd · 05/08/2013 16:03

So sorry to hear of your loss. xxx

Original poster
KittieCat · 05/08/2013 16:15

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. They are very much appreciated. Stil feeling dreadfully sad.

Sunshine I hope your boy remains healthy and happy with many purrs ahead. Pls give him an ear and under the chin scratch from me.

It's strange allmycats I obviously adore my other cats but my girl was just so special and I'd bring her back in a heartbeat if I could.

Thanks again all.

OP posts:
SunshineBossaNova · 05/08/2013 16:35

Thanks for the chin scratch Kittie. We were at the vet again today, he rattles with tablets :)

Original poster
KittieCat · 05/08/2013 17:05

I remember that sunshine, when my girl was having chemo she became totally used to taking pills and going to the vet. The magic of medicine!

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SunshineBossaNova · 05/08/2013 19:14

He's got heart problems, an ongoing uti and epilepsy. I think they should issue frequent flyer miles :)

We lost our ginger tom to cancer 3 years ago. He loved the vets :)

Original poster
KittieCat · 05/08/2013 19:45

Funny creatures, aren't they? A vet your animal likes makes the whole process much easier.

Thankfully our girl passed at home but we've just been to drop her off at the vet's so they can organise cremation. They're lovely people but I so wish we hadn't had to do that last trip.

Hope your old boy keep happy and healthy, sunshine. I'll be thinking of him and sending good health vibes.

OP posts:
everythinghippie29 · 05/08/2013 20:22

No practical advice but lost one of my furbabies about two weeks ago and the hurt is incredible.

So sorry for your loss, have a good cry when you need to.

Thanks Thanks

peppermum · 05/08/2013 20:28

I don't know if you like the Mog books by Judith Kerr but there is one called Goodbye Mog which might be a gentle introduction to the subject for your DC.

Sorry for your sad loss Flowers

Catmint · 05/08/2013 20:29

Very sorry for your loss. X

hugoagogo · 05/08/2013 20:33

Oh I am so sorry to hear your news, I lost my cat to cancer about 6 weeks ago and I still miss her so much.

I would back up what everything says- just let it out.

Sad
Original poster
KittieCat · 05/08/2013 20:54

Pepper that's a brilliant idea, thank you so much. DS loves Mog books and I hadn't thought of that at all.

Hugo so sorry to hear that. Cancer is an utter bastard. I hope you're able to think of the happy times and it's not so terribly raw now? Sending comforting thoughts.

Hippie, so sorry for your loss, too. You're absolutely spot on, the hurt is just incredible. I just feel so lost and doing the smallest thing is such hard work. It feels like I'm running in treacle. I always thought I was pretty ok in terms of letting my emotions show but because of DS I'm feeling inhibited.

I don't want him to see me crying constantly but sometimes I just can't help it. I love her so much and she's not here. At least when she went wandering and then when she was having chemo there was always a chance. There isn't now. It's just so final.

Also, lots of people in RL don't get it. She was never 'just an animal', she was genuinely my constant companion and best friend. FGS I'd known her longer than DH! He's never known us without each other.

It stil shit but kind words from MN 'vipers' are helping me so much.

Thanks all, your words are much appreciated.

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 05/08/2013 20:55

I'm very sorry you lost her, you must have taken excellent care of her to get to that age though.

Original poster
KittieCat · 05/08/2013 21:02

Fluffy what a lovely thing to say. I did my best, she was thoroughly spoilt but I was always mindful of what was good for her! She had a rough start, which I think helped shape her 'strong' personality, so I always tried to counter that by treating her the way she should have been treated.

She was my girl and worth every penny and every second spent on her care.

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cadidog · 05/08/2013 21:07

So sorry to hear your cat passed away. I tell my older tom that he'll need to live forever at least three times a week.

crazynanna · 05/08/2013 21:12

So sorry Kittie. I hope my 2yo girl lasts as long as your lady. She was lucky to have such a loving human x

Original poster
KittieCat · 05/08/2013 22:06

Thanks, Cadidog and crazynanna, I also hope your feline friends last as long as (if not longer than) my girl.

I wouldn't swap a second but when the inevitable happens I alway question being an animal owner.

I love animals and having companion animals is very much a part of me abd who I am, but this bit is pretty shitty...

Please, anyone reading this, go now and give your animal friend an extra special hug and tickle.

OP posts:
Nexus6 · 05/08/2013 22:12

Sorry for your loss, it's never easy losing a much loved companion. I highly recommend checking out the blue cross website they run a bereavement support line service via email or phone. The website has some activities and tips for parents to help their children come to terms with what's happened to their pet. The support line also can give advice for parents and if you wish they are also trained to speak to children.

All calls are confidential and all the volunteers have been crb checked.