my cat is a fucking twat

[Bibbo]

how did I end up with a cat that:

a) can never just sit on your lap but has to always be creeping closer and closer up your body until his face is literally right in your face with his wet nose touching your nose - and then he shakes his head and droplets of his disgusting cat bogeys fly everywhere?

b) spends his entire life trying to nick food out of the bin / off the kitchen surface / out of the fridge. I just caught him now with his head in the sink eating smears of tuna mayo off a bowl

c) still doesn't understand that he has things on the ends of his paws called CLAWS and if you dig them into people it has this effect of pissing them off?

I have had this cat for 9 years. he is very healthy and will no doubt live at least another 9. Worse still DD loves him. At least he lets her cuddle the life out of him / sit on him / tuck him up in bed like a dolly

if anyone can give me some words of wisdom on how to love this creature i would be grateful!

Oh, my cat has been spending time at your house?

In answer to your question; no idea. Long lived buggers aren't they?

I think this may be a universal problem with all cats next time get a dog

Not long lived enough. Lost my 13 year old a couple of weeks ago to a hit and run. I never leave food out anywhere. He was a bloody thief and snotted on anything he could! I loved that cat!

I trained mine as kittens. Whenever he does something you don't like, eg sticking his claws in, pick him up with both hands, hold him in front of you so he's looking at you, and say "No" firmly, then place him on the floor. He will immediately come back and try again. Allow this, until the claws go in again then repeat.

Mine picked it up within days and now a simple "No" is enough to make them scarper

oh i don't know, they are crazy beasts aren't they.

I MUST share a story my sis told me today.

Now, her cat is as big as Garfield, is insecure, yet loving. Like yours obsessed with food. Knocks books down off the shelf for attention, paws at cupboards, walls etc..
She loses weight, he loses weight...!! He is 13.

She came home from work one day and could smell cat poo, searched and searched but couldn't find where it was coming from.

Then she saw it, he had got up on the armchair and shat on a pile of cd's !!! OMG.

but why? he's a big boy and it would have been soooooo much easier to do it on the floor, in a corner. The only saving grace was that it was dry.

Wolfie, i am sorry to hear about your puss. I lost mine to the road in April. x

Sounds just like mine, except if it were her she'd cag up f#@%Ing furballs on your carpet as you slept.
If DH steps in another festering pile of furry vomit again she will be out in the cold!

Licks pancake batter from the bowl.
Drinks bean juice from tins.
Eats pea pods and peas.
Sits on the kitchen table and grooms himself.

And he acts like a dog.

My 8 month old boy steals bananas, can't have any in the fruit bowl as he is straight there and drags them under the kitchen table to eat, he is gorgeous but mad as a hatter

Our cat died last year.. Aged 24...so you might have to suffer it a while longer yet

Mine is an eight week old baby
She tears around like something demented...and bangs into things.
She climbs things as if she is a chimp..then cries 'cos she can't get down.
She sleeps all day,and is awake all night.
She cries when I leave the room.
I luff her

itstoearly, lol at the bananas !!!mine is a 7month old boy. he sleeps in the kitchen at night. i put things away, but every morning its bedlam in there. scourers, dishcloths on the floor. he nicks dd's cuddlies and brings them downstairs when we are out!

trim his claws

Cat1 (currently on sofa): forgets to retract claws, attacks feet under duvets, jumps on the work surfaces, nicks my dining chair, eats weird things, insists on coming in the bathroom with me.

Cat2 (currently out marauding): dribbles, paws me in the face in the middle of the night, bites me if I don't stroke him correctly, is bulimic, shows off his lovely fluffy belly then attacks anyone who dares pet it.

All this in one cat would be infuriating, but somehow spread across two furry little buggers it's bearable. Plus Cat1 DOES let you pet his belly, and Cat2 says 'hello' when he comes in the house, so they do have their redeeming features.

Catsmamma Cat1 is also a fan of peas, anything involving milk or eggs (eg pancake batter) and anything involving processed tomato (baked bean juice, as well as Heinz cream of tomato). He has bravely hunted down such prey as a tempura prawn, numerous fish fingers, and only last week, a homemade burger (at least he appreciated the effort, even if DD didn't). Cat2 doesn't eat anything that's not Hills chicken flavour or Nice Ham.

Our cat also behaves like a dog, follows me around the house and wont let me wee in peace! She also prances up and down the side of the bath when I'm trying to have a good soak and enjoys a nice curry She does let me stroke her luffly fluffy stripy tummy, and when DP and I cuddle with her squashed in between she makes this little 'prrroww' noise which is the cutest sound ever.
Reading that back O sound like a right soppy cow!