Rehoming my spaniel - children devastated

[herewegoagogo]

I recently made a very difficult decision to rehome my 5y spaniel. My life has changed dramatically in the past 5y and he is no longer getting what he needs. I’m a single parent to 2 DC ages 11y & 13y. I’ve changed careers having worked from home to shift work and now studying a degree on top. Despite my best efforts the poor dog is being left for long periods of time. I do have friends and a dog walker who take him out but I work 12 hour shifts and sometimes need to sleep either side of them.

This has made the dog more wired and anxious. He’s a typical spaniel and just wants to be with you all day. He’s also got more worried about children’s teenage friends coming and go and has starting to bark at them. Meaning it is stressful managing that too. I’m also not home all the time.

I spoke to Spaniel Aid who have have agreed to take him. I told my children tonight and they are both devastated. We’ve always had a dog. I am devastated too but feel utterly overwhelmed with everything on my plate.

Please give me some encouraging words.

The children clearly can’t give it what it needs. It’s an important life lesson.

I knew someone in a similar situation op and they gave the dog to her parents. Dog is so much happier, definitely right decision.

You are doing the right thing. I have a dog who was rehomed to me 8 years ago. He was also a much loved pet whose owner couldn't keep him due to family breakdown. I am still in touch with her and send her updates and pictures of his life and adventures. She is really pleased that he has a lovely life with us and loves getting updates on him.

Sorry no words of encouragement.

did you get the poor bugger in covid? I know many people that did then realised when they actually have to leave the house to goto work it’s not convenient.
hope the dog finds a decent home 👍

No I didn’t. Just had a different job!

They absolutely don’t. Stop being silly.

Stop being rude.
And they do

Stop being silly

I know it’s not what you want to hear, but for me when I take on an animal I am responsible for life. Whatever happens they are my family. I will have to adjust.

Can your ex take the dog on?

I am a spaniel owner and I am sure you are doing the right thing. Spaniels are quite a handful and if you can’t give him what he needs then it’s not fair on him. And he won’t magically improve his behaviour unless you have more time for him. The DC might be sad but they can’t and won’t help you, they are too young to actually take on the responsibility. It’s obviously not ideal for any of you, but I still think it’s the right decision.

And dogs really do adjust quickly, I have seen this firsthand- spaniels bond very quickly and he will be fine with a new owner.

You’ve done the right thing but (and I mean this kindly) you have sprung it on your kids who are old enough to have had it signposted in discussions before a final decision is made (which is your decision of course not theirs). I don’t know how you can retrieve that element of it now.

Yes that is my concern - the way it seems to have been sprung on them. It happened to me when I was 12 and although on one level I understood and agreed, on another I never forgave my mother. I don’t mean that unkindly but so OP can maybe repair how it was presented to her kids now.

My experience is they absolutely do. For my rescue/rehome dog, I'd say it took him about 3 weeks to be comfortable enough with me to show his true character and start being mischievous. By 3 months with me he was completely comfortable and bonded to me. He'd of loved to bump into his old owners, the same way he was over the moon seeing anyone he knew such as my parents. But dogs live in the moment and he didn't miss his old owners or old home. And frankly he had the best 8 years with me compared to his old home where his needs weren't met.

Would a cat help the kids to deal with the loss of the dog? Much less demanding than a dog

Well done for speaking to spaniel aid and doing the right thing for the dog.

It's all very well someone telling you that you should make it work, the dog is part of the family etc. But, you are trying to be all things to all people here and something has to give. If you go under because you have too much on your plate, everyone will suffer.

Given the right rehoming, a dog can be happy with someone else. My friends walk dogs for Cinnamon Trust and have occasionally fostered a dog for owners in hospital. There have been a couple of embarrassing times the dog was being returned home and clearly wanted to stay with my friends.

My family moved countries when I was 8. Our dog stayed behind with friends, as she wouldn't have adjusted well to the move for a few reasons. I was very sad about it, but I understood.

It may take some time but I hope your DC can understand the reasons even while they take time to grieve. Hugs to you, I think you're making a wise decision.

I haven’t signed him over yet so it’s not a done deal. It’s just that I’ve been wrestling with the decision and finally made it and felt ready to tell the kids. I had pre warned them it was something I’m considering.

I know there are a lot of comments saying the kids can step up. I’m not sure how as the issue is that he’s left alone for long periods when I’m working. That’s mostly when they are at their Dads.

It's a really tough decision but you've done it properly (spaniel aid is a great rehoming charity imo) and it sounds like the right call for the dog.
2 of mine are rescues from similar backgrounds (previous homes just weren't able to meet their needs) and I'm so grateful they made the tough decision. What had become a bit of a burden to them (both dogs had behavioural issues as a result of needs not being met) have become part of my family and easy to live with now their needs are met.
It's natural for your children to find it tough but hopefully they'll understand with time especially as they aren't always there.

it sounds like you have done what’s right for you. Not the poor dog or your children. I doubt they will forgive you for this.
There are many options you could have explored first before rehoming the dog who is supposed to be part of your family.

Dogs do NOT “adjust quickly” that is total nonsense and the opposite of reality. That’s a self-affirming cliche trotted out with no hint of truth. Dogs with broken trust take months & months to trust someone new - if ever. He may not ever be the same towards humans again, many aren’t.

Many years ago I took in a young Labrador who was being rehomed by a newly single parent who knew she could not meet her needs. I - and everyone at the rescue - admired her courage and willingness to put the dog first. It was a Labrador breed rescue, where they operate a list of potential homes and then match dog to new home. I picked her up two hours after she was dropped off! She had a wonderful life with me, living in the country, joining me at work, and lived to age 16.

Bloody hell. Shit happens and none of us know where we will be five years hence. It is far, far better to put the dog first and give it its best life, as OP is doing.

Oh they absolutely do. I've always had rescue dogs, including retired Guide Dogs and they settle very quickly. The only ones that may have trouble are ones from traumatic situations (eg foreign rescues) but all the ones I've had from family homes have settled in very quickly.

Could you pass on your contact details and ask if the new owners could keep in touch? Or at least update you when he’s settled into his new home. As others have said, it’s definitely the right thing for the dog, as sad as it is for you and your children, and you should be commended for that.