will my dog ever realise he's not a little lap dog?

[Xochiquetzal]

He is a big daft mongrel who was very badly treated by his previous owner who apparently didn't realise he wouldn't stay a tiny puppy and kept him in a dog crate designed for a much smaller dog.

He looks a lot like an Irish wolfhound but stockier and cannot accept that he is not going to fit on my lap, he also gets stuck under the coffee table a lot and is forever trying to fit through gaps that are no bigger than his head. He really isn't the smartest dog.

Probably won't ever realise. Needs to be as close to you as possible in case you try and get away. Our 25kg lab 'puppy' - 15 months old, also believes he is a lap dog, my DH has bruised bollocks to prove it.

My spaniel is only 15kg and can still cause me severe discomfort when he plonks himself down on my lap or uses my boobs as a handy chair

glad it's not just him at least.

I'd so hoped once he got used to being safe and loved he'd ease up a bit and actually lay in his bed but after 2 years he still insists on either laying on me or sleeping on my comfy dog walking shoes.

Sounds a lot like my old rescue rottie - 50+ kilos and a real mummy's boy, never could fully convince him that he was far too big to sit in my lap...

It's sad but I think it's because the last time he'd been treated kindly, had proper human interaction etc, was when he was a little puppy, so that was all he knew. He'd been neglected, kept locked in a cage etc for years before he was rescued, poor thing.

He used to get stuck under tables/wedged in small spaces too, now I think of it!

He won't change. He sounds lovely and lucky to have found you after such a sad start.

My lovely girl is 35kg of labrador lap dog - I feel your pain.

My 55kg Newfoundland never grasped the concept that she wasn't a tiny toy breed so I hold out little hope for your boy. Sorry.

Yep I think that's just the way it'll be for you! My 25kg lab is an expert at getting onto your lap when he thinks you won't notice. He sidles up to you and slowly raises his arse and plonks it on your lap before the rest of him follows. He's a muppet but I love our cuddles and wouldn't have him any other way.

I've got two dogs who weigh about 30kg each. Sometimes they both try to climb on my lap at the same time. I've never felt more uncomplicatedly adored than when they go to sleep with their heads lain against my shoulder, smelling of biscuits, all soft and heavy and trusting - it's worth a deadleg now and again.

My 25kg Gordon setter lab cross is convinced he's a tiny dog. He's 11 years old so it's a bit late for him to change his mind. Unfortunately he has the lean build of a Gordon so he's big.

Will never happen.
I've got a 17kg Staffy who happily sits on my lap but a 32kg Labradoodle who will also try because if Count Staffula can do it, so can he (fat bastard!)

Good job I love the fluffy buggers.