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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Mums and teenage boys

22 replies

Lilyan · 19/03/2010 19:03

I have two teenage boys, 14 and 13, and I miss soooooooooooooooo much being able to cuddle them on my knee.

They are both lovely and kind, for mothering Sunday they made me a cd of all my favourite music, but I'm at a loss as to how to be loving to them without making them cringe.

They run a mile from hugs and I can't remember the last time I managed to give them a peck on the cheek.

Any ideas or do I just have to wait it out.

OP posts:
nickschick · 19/03/2010 19:05

I dont know tbh ...my teens 16 & 14 are still very loving and always hug and kiss me and their dad and their grandad....even on the fone in front of their friends they say luv you before hanging up....at school the head was mightily impressed that ds stopped when he saw me and gave me a kiss...she referred to him as a fine young man.

Maybe you should try hugging him a bit more and tell him how you miss him??

Original poster
Lilyan · 19/03/2010 19:08

Good point, I do hug them when they go to school in the morning, but they freeze like a rabbit in headlights.

I'll just persist

OP posts:
Cadelaide · 19/03/2010 19:09

I haven't been "allowed" to hug or kiss my 10yo since he was about 5.

I'd love to. Sometimes I can get away with stroking his hair a bit, until he notices!

webwiz · 19/03/2010 19:36

I think its a personality thing rather than a teenage DS thing. DD1 didn't like any shows of affection for years, a kiss on the cheek would have sent her running off screaming. I just carried on insisting on a kiss and a hug whenever I wanted one in a jokey way, she's 18 now and will happily cuddle up to me watching tv and give me a hug without being asked. I think by insisting on affection I sort of left the door open for her to return it when she felt ready.

My younger DD is 16 and DS is 13 and they will happily be hugged and both will kiss me goodbye in public no matter how many friends can see.

Milliways · 19/03/2010 20:21

DS is 14 (Yr 10) and insists on a cuddle every night on the sofa before bed. We also have a motning "huggle".

cat64 · 19/03/2010 20:38

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ABetaDad · 19/03/2010 20:47

Interesting contrast between this thread and the other thread about teenagers hugging each other all the time

My DS1 (age 10) will not hug or kiss me or DW in public but will at home. I have noticed he is having a few tiny teen temper tantrums so maybe it is starting already.

HELP!!!!!

maryz · 19/03/2010 20:59

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington · 19/03/2010 21:03

although not on a daily basis i hug my kids.

in fact my 20 year old came round last week and oh, he was so very upset about something in his personal life that i sat with him on the settee and gave him a really long hug and plenty of kisses whilst he cried and talked.

my 17 ds doesn't offer then up, but i say "oi you! i want a hug" and he is quite willing and might throw in a squeeze to show how strong he is at the end.

so in response to the op, i think you have to instigate it and not make it a soppy self centred thing - keep it light ("oi you...")

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy · 19/03/2010 22:32

I remember a HV telling me to make sure I touched my children each day, especially as they got older.So for example try touching their shoulder, ruffling hair or stroking a cheek.

It's less invasisve to their personal space but maintians a physical connection.

Also i agree with Custardo's 'oi you' suggesting to them that you may also need a hug.

noddyholder · 19/03/2010 22:36

My ds is nearly 16 and majorly soppy although he is either ranting or hugging atm hormones I think.I hug him all the time though he doesn't seem bothred as does dp He will still sit between us on the sofa watching tv and doesn't mind all that.i agree with the oi you aswell ANYTHING to keep this particular line of communication open

herbietea · 19/03/2010 22:41

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fortyplus · 19/03/2010 22:46

Mine are 16 and 14 and I get loads of hugs and kisses. Not in front of their friends, though!

They still like to come in bed for a cuddle - soppy things.

They're not wusses - one is into whitewater kayaking and the other plays rugby.

Sherbert37 · 19/03/2010 22:48

I second the 'rabbit in the headlights' when trying to get a cuddle off of DS1 (17). I do stroke his hair in passing though and can usually get a quick hug when I wake him up for school. DD (15) hugs me and all her friends freely in a very lovey way. DS2 at 12 still wants kisses, thank goodness, and there's always the dog...

JaynieB · 19/03/2010 22:53

My DSS (16) hasn't really done hugs for many years, but I think he still occasionally hugs his Mum when no-one is looking, but used to have this odd habit of leaning against you - usually his Dad, which I think was his way of keeping physical contact with less fuss. Quite sweet though.

nickschick · 19/03/2010 23:47

Last year my 16 year old had to have fairly traumatic peridontal surgery - as we left the hospital he held my hand tightly all the way back to the car.

Now hes at college once a month they have disco thing in a club and he goes along ....the first few times I went to pick him up but the last one dh said i should go to bed and hed pick ds up .....next morning ds1 was quite put out that hed not seen me to say goodnight to ......in 16 years ive always seen you before bed even when you were in hospital he said but last night dad wouldnt let me wake you up .

mothernature · 19/03/2010 23:57

I have a 20 year old and 2 x 19 year olds I try to hug them or cheek kiss at least once a day... DS2 is still a great hugger - he's 6'4 and I'm 5'6, my head just reaches the bottom of his chin... I love a hug from them, they are all quite relaxed at hugging me and their dad but no one else.... Its nice to hear other similar stories.iwastooearlytobeayummymum good tip re the touch every day.

Goblinchild · 20/03/2010 06:11

Mine will do hugs, kisses snuggles on the sofa and sitting on knees.
Only if no one other than close family are there. Never in public, or even near a window if he thinks someone might see. He's 15 and 5'10.
I agree with friendly insistence on the occasional hug in private, seems to keep their options open. But not making a fuss about it, and being there if they need a hug for any reason.
In fact, exactly what Custardo posted.

cat64 · 20/03/2010 12:37

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mumblechum · 20/03/2010 16:37

DS is also one who freezes sometimes when I go to hug him. We have a deal now that I'll ask him if it's ok to hug him and if he says no I respect that, but he rarely says no.

He gives me hugs spontaneously sometimes and often tells me that he loves me.

lilolilmanchester · 21/03/2010 22:48

they might run a mile, butunderneath the cool exterior, they still need to know their Mum loves them, even if they will never admit it. So offer up hugs every now and then and even if you get a cringe back, they will appreciate it deep down. Just choose your timing - not every day as they leave for school, not infront of friends etc...

majafa · 02/04/2010 14:13

My eldest son is 11, hes never been a huggy/cuddles child, and his attitude to life and people is appaling, but he still comes up to me for kiss before he goes into class each day, in front of his mates and grown ups!! bless

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