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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Leaving them alone on holiday - was this bad?

28 replies

MsBlackbird · 26/08/2009 08:08

We recently took my partner's 13 and 16 year old DSs on holiday. It was mostly fine but we had a lot of trouble getting them up and out of the hotel in time to do anything before midday. On the last morning we planned a local boat trip starting at 11, which meant leaving the hotel at 10.30. Despite multiple calls to their room, including a 15-minute warning at 10.15, they didn't show up on time. We waited a couple of minutes and left without them, returning around 2pm to massive sulks and resentment. Apparently they were only five minutes late but didn't think to follow us even though they knew where we were going. They had money and bought pizzas for lunch, and I am sure had fun in and around the hotel. But now, a couple of weeks later, we're still being punished for 'abandoning' them for hours on what was 'supposed to be a family holiday'! I think this is unreasonable but what do others think? How should we deal with the resentment?

OP posts:
seeker · 26/08/2009 08:24

Did anyone actually go into their room and shake them awake? If so, and they still didn't get up then I think that they are behaving like brats and you shouldn't be dealing with their resentment, you should be saying "If you carry on like this there will be X consequence." Not acceptable still to be sulking - or even to have sulked at all.

piscesmoon · 26/08/2009 08:48

They are behaving like brats! You should have put a stop to the sulking on the day. It was a good lesson to learn, they knew the plans it was up to them to get up in time-missing it was a very natural consequence. If you are in a similar situation again I would tell them the plan, tell them that you will do a wake up call, give a 15 minute warning and if they don't arrive will assume they would rather lie in-they can't complain if you are clear from the start. I think they must be a bit spoiled to start with if they can expect to mess up the plans and you fit in with them. I would just tell them that it is all over and done with-it didn't spoil the holiday and you are not discussing it further. If they bring it up again, ignore and change the subject.

Original poster
MsBlackbird · 26/08/2009 09:19

Thank you both so much for the friendly commonsense. To be fair I should say that the boys aren't actually sulking any more but it came up last night and clearly is still felt as a bit of a betrayal. I think you're absolutely right and next time it is mentioned we'll have a discussion about what happened and why.

Just to clarify - we did discuss the plan with them the night before and everyone knew what time we were going to leave the hotel in the morning. My partner went in to their room at 9.30, made sure they were awake and reminded them about the 10.30 leaving time. I called at 10.15 with the last warning. They had watches and phones and were completely aware of the time.

OP posts:
mumonthenet · 26/08/2009 09:22

no, leaving them was not bad; it was a logical consequence of their lack of responsibility.

They need to learn to manage their time, etc. so you did them a great favour.

Too many parents (me included!) threaten stuff but never carry it through.

Let em sulk! (I bet secretly they rather respect you)

seeker · 26/08/2009 10:56

What did they expect you to do?

Original poster
MsBlackbird · 26/08/2009 11:19

I think that they expected us to come and drag them out of the room at the last minute. Their mum - who normally takes them on holiday - says this is what she would have done even if it meant missing the boat.

OP posts:
colditz · 26/08/2009 11:22

I think this has been a valuable lesson in punctuality. Next time they start 'punishing' you for this, laugh at them and reply "Well, next time you'll be there at the right time, won't you?"

ADifferentMe · 26/08/2009 11:24

MsB - my kids are the same age, I would have done exactly the same thing - you do have to stand up to them sometimes and I find it usually results in a bit of a honeymoon period afterwards!

bigTillyMint · 26/08/2009 11:27

Presumably your DP - their father - decided to leave them behind (nothing wrong with that!), HE should be the one dealing with the sulking / mothers moaning!

bigTillyMint · 26/08/2009 11:27

Presumably your DP - their father - decided to leave them behind (nothing wrong with that!), HE should be the one dealing with the sulking / mothers moaning!

Original poster
MsBlackbird · 26/08/2009 13:13

A huge thanks to everyone - you have really helped us to see this in perspective! Next time, we will discuss issues of responsibility in advance and make sure everyone has the same expectations about reminders etc.

BTW I didn't mean to suggest their mum complained. DP told her what happened and she said that she would have gone up and and got them out of their room.

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 26/08/2009 13:32

I don't think they have a leg to stand on MsBlackbird! Just tell them that they are old enough to be treated as adults-they had ample warning and the rest was up to them- and definitely will be in future!

Kamini01 · 19/02/2012 14:00

I think this was not only bad but highly irresponsible. Due to the age of the teenagers, it was the duty of the parent(s) to supervise them at all times. What responsible adult - let a lone parent - would just go off and leave a child totally unsupervised whilst in a foreign country?

Incidentally, the teenagers in question were a minute late, and didn't go looking for their parent(s) since it never occurred to them that they had been abandoned and thought it sensible to wait at the desk. In addition, the teenagers had no money given to them. Luckily the eldest had some pocket money and used it to feed his brother.

The incident caused much hurt and will not be forgotten.

LeBOF · 19/02/2012 14:05

Ahahahahaaa. Somebody call social services for the poor wee mites, eh?

Hassled · 19/02/2012 14:09

Baffling - why has a 3 year old thread been bumped like this?
Kamini- are you one of the DSs? You should have got up on time, you know.

DickSwivellersTidyWife · 19/02/2012 14:09

ZOMBIE THREAD

the boys will be on their drunken hols with other teenagers by now

Themumsnot · 19/02/2012 14:11

Are you their mum Kamini? Or one of the teenagers? In either case, I don't think many people would agree that it is irresponsible to leave a 16 and 13 year old alone for a few hours in a hotel. My sensible 12 and 14 year olds would have no problem with this, and I would be happy to do it. The teens in question need to grow up and take some responsibility for their own actions.

bigbluebus · 19/02/2012 14:11

Kamini01 Are you the boys' mother? In which case you weren't actually there so you only have their word for it!!! If you're not their mother then you must be one of the boys posting!!! - In which case - learn your lesson and be ready on time in future!!

LeBOF · 19/02/2012 14:12

Ah, I didn't notice this was that old. I wonder whether that bright spark will be offering parenting advice elsewhere today?

Themumsnot · 19/02/2012 14:12

OMG - a three-year-old thread. You are not STILL sulking over this surely Kamini?

usualsuspect · 19/02/2012 14:13

Kamini are youone of the DSs?

Next time get up on time ,you lazy bugger

Kamini01 · 19/02/2012 18:11

It should be known that this is the only holiday the parent has taken his kids on since they were small, and they were only one minute late to meet up. How many adults might show up five minutes late? This was the highlight of the holiday. Most responsible parents would understandably cancel a trip if their kids didn't turn up on time, but to go without them and to assume other holiday makers would be responsible for them is totally irresponsible and probably illegal!

Catsmamma · 19/02/2012 18:15

let it go....it was three years ago!

Or are the lazy arsed teens still too traumatised to get out of bed???

grubbalo · 19/02/2012 18:16

They were only "alone" for 4 hours. Worrying you are still so bothered by it 3 years later, it's not that terrible a thing to have happened.

Slartybartfast · 19/02/2012 18:18

h hha
they had money, the bought pizza!
omg Shock at this resurrection
let it go.