Please be brave and help me - are you the parent of a bully?

[claricebeansmum]

Don't quite know where to start or what to do.

DS (13) was subject to some bullying at the start of the school year and it now seems the worm has turned. He has been suspended from school twice for physical outbursts and now has been asked to leave scouts due to inappropriate physical behaviour and swearing.

Am sitting here just now know what to do with him. He does not seem particularly remorseful and when I lost my temper with him he just started on about how awful his life was...he leads a charmed life.

He has no friends and as a family we are not that keen on him either. I love him but he making out lives a misery with continued sniping, inappropriate comments and then when anyone challenges him he lays it on thick about how awful his life is. I admit that he has had, all in all, a rough year with various things going on - but beating up younger kids, calling them a "fatty bastard". Nothing is ever his fault.

Am completely out of my depth.

Have you thought of finding him a child therapist? It's a concern when you say 'as a family we are not that keen on him either'. It sounds like you all need some help and support.

"He has no friends and as a family we are not that keen on him either."

Ouch!

Most bullies do so because they have low self-esteem

He is counselling at the moment - he goes once a week and I think that this has been helping his to see things a bit straighter - that his life is not a complete disaster. And it is not - he does do good things and for that we praise and encourage.

About the bit on us not being that keen on him either - perhaps a bit rash - we have tonight been dealing with the ramifications of one of his incidents which has rather spoiled the celebration dinner we were having for DD. I love him to bits and will do anything for him but at the moment his every action and word seems to upset someone.

Rash is OK, it show's how you are feeling towards him at the moment. To be blunt, if this is how he's seen he's going to pick up on this and he's going to adjust his behaviour to how he's feeling. It's a vicious cycle and he needs your support to break this. Do you do fun things as a family?