Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I think my soon to be 14 year old son is drinking fairly regularly if he can get hold of it

20 replies

bargainmad · 06/07/2009 13:47

In the last month he has come home once very merry on a Friday night and admitted one of the local shops had sold him a litre bottle of WKD and on Saturday he came home not drunk but looking like he'd had quite a lot to drink (at least I hope it was just alcohol). I told him he'd better get to bed quickly before his dad saw him.

I think he might be drinking at other times but just not enough for us to notice it.

He lies a lot anyway but we questioned him about what he had to drink and he said 5 or 6 bottles of Budweiser.

I really don't know what to do about this - I'm sure he's only doing it because he thinks all teenagers do - and some parents do tell me all teenagers do this but it doesn't make it right.

I really want to start keeping strict tabs on him but my husband reckons short of following him, we just have to hope he does the right thing. I really don't want him to be drinking regularly and have reported the local shop.

OP posts:
webwiz · 06/07/2009 16:04

When DD1 was 15 she started drinking in our town's park, one of the group looked really old and he was able to buy alcohol but once they paid a tramp to get it for them. We did a massive clampdown and she wasn't allowed to go out if we thought that was where she was likely to end up (also the park is really horrible for other reasons - very dark and girls have been assaulted in there ) and that managed to break the habit till she was a bit more mature.

Tortington · 06/07/2009 16:07

yeah - we all might of done it as a right of passafe when we were teenagers - but thats hardly most weekends as a 14, 15, or 16 year old.

you should fucking follow him - he is FOURTEEN

at fourteen you should know where he is, who he is with , how much money he has, and who has responsability for him.

Tortington · 06/07/2009 16:11

my twins are 16, they have left school - they are going to college. i know where they are, who they are with. they have a 10pm kerfew and keep to it.

i know their friends, iknow their hangouts and i haven't been shy of knocking on doors if i don't know where he is.

and i am not up their arses - becuase they have a structure in place - they know at to expect, where to be at what time and to keep me informed.

i do allow my teenagers to drink with their friends occasionally - but i know where, i know when - they are not in a park, they are not down the beach - and i take them and i pick them up.

and its occasionally.

noddyholder · 06/07/2009 16:12

I still want all the info custy is talking about and ds is 15.I know he has had the odd cider at parties and has come home v happy and talkative but it is noit a regular thing and if it was there would be 'words'.

3littlefrogs · 06/07/2009 16:12

Agree with custardo. Sorry, but your husband is being pathetic. Attitudes like his are the reason there are so many kids going off the rails. "just have to hope he does the right thing"!!!! He is 13 yrs old. He needs some parental guidance - or what on earth do you think he will be doing at 15, 17???

Your instinct is right. You need to make sure he has NO MONEY to buy drink. You need to know where he is and with whom, and you need to ground him, and if necessary get your local police officer to speak to him and warn him of the dangers he is risking.

GrapefruitMoon · 06/07/2009 16:16

If my 13 year old was doing this regularly he'd have neither the money nor the freedom to do it again...

seeker · 06/07/2009 16:23

He's 13, bargainmad. Where does he get the money for 6 bottles of Budweiser? Where does he go on a Friday night to come home very "merry" ? He's 13!

3littlefrogs · 06/07/2009 16:36

And yes - I would be following him, and if he was drinking in the street or park I would be calling the police. And reporting the place he bought the drink from.

mumblechum · 06/07/2009 16:42

Agree with all the others. 13 is ridiculously young to be allowed out at night drinking.

scaryteacher · 06/07/2009 17:47

My ds is 13 and is not allowed out alone with mates; they meet at each other's houses and all the mums know that a parent will be there supervising.

Cut his pocket money completely and ground him. You can allow him to have mates around, but no alcohol at all.

I totally agree with grapefruitmoon. He is too young to be doing this.

Original poster
bargainmad · 06/07/2009 19:38

We don't give him money he's got a paper round for which he gets between £15 and £20. I've already told him that is going to be stopped if it happens again.

Like I said, it's happened twice when it's been noticeable. I chased up trading standards today and they haven't even visited the shop. I was gobsmacked to find out they do one area at a time and only in school holidays so if they get reports it might be months before they are followed up.

He said it's all to do with budgets and getting teenage volunteers.

I am definitely going to ring up our community police officer.

OP posts:
mumblechum · 06/07/2009 21:18

It's good that you're trying to stop the shop from selling alcohol, but what strategies do you have to prevent your ds carrying on with this behaviour (apart from the money aspect?)

BodenGroupie · 06/07/2009 21:50

Have you made it clear to him exactly what you think is acceptable and what the punishment will be if he breaks the rules? I think you and your DH need to be consistent - telling him to get to bed before his dad sees him could give him the impression you will tolerate it.

How well do you know the parents of his friends? Might be worth finding out what their rules are - kids don't like to lose face if all their friends are drinking.

Agree with Custardo - occasionally with your knowledge is OK, regularly at 14 when you're hanging around town isn't.

Think alcohol is one of the hardest things to handle with teens, so many people think it's just what they do.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 06/07/2009 22:03

Don't let him out the house to be wondering round the area unsupervised when he can't be trusted. He's only 13.

There is a group of teenagers in the village whose parents obviously can't give a toss what they're up to as they're always hanging about up to no good. We live near the park and I know htey're drinking, smoking dope, shagging in the bushes, kicking down my neighbour's fence, smashing another neighbour's car windows. How do you know your son isn't doing similar? And the kids I'm talking about are all "nice, middle class" boys whose parents would totally not belief they're up to this sort of stuff.

Also tell the shop yourself that you've reported them. They will poo their pants and start checking ID a bit better.

janeite · 06/07/2009 22:11

Don't blame trading standards - YOU are the parent and it is your responsibility to know where he is and what he's up to. If you can't trust him to supply that info truthfully, then he shouldn't be allowed out. He is only 13 - not old enough to be hanging around of an evening.

And your husband's attitude is wrong, wrong, wrong imho.

Listen to Custy - she speeketh sense methinks.

seeker · 06/07/2009 22:21

Cancel paper round. Grounded indefinitely - friends can come round but he can go nowhere without you or his dad.

It's that or he'll end up in Casualty.

cory · 07/07/2009 07:52

His body is far too young to cope with this: I would make sure he stays at home if he can't be trusted. Have seen the effects of alcohol poisoning in a young boy and they are not pretty. 13yo is very different from 16yo, he could easily kill himself.

Original poster
bargainmad · 07/07/2009 12:39

Thanks for all your posts. I think we've been a bit naieve to say the least but we are going to nip this in the bud now.

We've decided he can choose to have his paper round cancelled or he can hand the money over to us every week. We are going to start checking up on his every move and he will have to have his friends round at our house - absolutely no hanging round the streets or park. He usually tells us he's been to the cinema or the local town to look at the shops but obviously he can't be trusted now.

Bodengroupie - that is the main problem I think - kids don't want to lose face if their friends are drinking. The thing is I don't even know if my son is the ringleader in all this or if it's someone else.

Another problem is two of his friends are given far too much freedom - going to concerts on their own and coming home on the bus at gone midnight by themselves, which we think is completely wrong.

OP posts:
noddyholder · 07/07/2009 12:53

You are doing the right thing.It is so hard when your kids friends have this sort of freedom.But we have been like that with ds and he has kicked off at times but now at 15 he is really reasonable most of the time and really 'gets' what we are saying.He is still a pita but thats teenage boys

BCNS · 07/07/2009 13:19

I have a ds who's 14.. I go along the custy road with this.

at 13 they tend to think the are all grown up.. but they are still children who haven't actually got a clue lol

get strict and saty reasonable and strict..

New posts on this thread. Refresh page