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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Wish to share my good news!

27 replies

NotAnOtter · 10/03/2009 21:08

I wrote on Mumsnet last year about a really hard time i was having with my teen daughter who was mixing with the wrong girls - not trying at school and seemed to be making everyoone (including herself) properly miserable

I dont want to link to the threads as it was a sad time and want to leave it to the past

But...

We fought and fought for her to move classes and eventually and reluctantly school agreed.

Almost instantaneously her attitude at home changed and to be frank her mood seemed to brighten. She is still lazy and things like bedroom issues have been left to by the wayside but we dont care as she is a delight again and no longer causing any upset.

She has got herself a job which she loves and is a happy girl again

WELL .....tonight she has told us she has been awarded 'Most improved Pupil' in the year group!!

Please join me in being so overjoyed and proud of her!

OP posts:
hoxtonchick · 10/03/2009 21:08

lovely news NAO, you must be very proud of her.

claricebean · 10/03/2009 21:10

Wow. Fantastic news. You are right to be proud of her and yourselves.

twoluvlykids · 10/03/2009 21:10

BIG GIANT Well done NotAnOtter DD! (As a Mum of teens myself, I know how tough it can be...)

Original poster
NotAnOtter · 10/03/2009 21:20

Thankyou all!!

Three months ago I was dreading christmas for the way she lowered the mood with her sullen grunts etc..now it is just like we have re-wound two years and I have my daughter back

We cannot even make sense of it ourselves

DH says he thinks it's maybe becasue she wanted to be like the girls she was mixing with and knew we would never allow it

Now we are letting her have more freedom because we trust her . She is soooo lovely and I feel so happy that we have ridden the storm!

All the hard work and digging our heels i with school paid off! They did not listen and in the end I was so miserable I could not talk about it any more so DH had to go alone .

It was well worth the pain . I can hardly believe it myself!

OP posts:
Remotew · 10/03/2009 21:24

Well done for taking such an interest and caring so much. Sometimes that is just what they need, to let them know you care. Also that you will out steps in place to help them along the way.

Original poster
NotAnOtter · 10/03/2009 21:28

thanks allabouteve

I dont think they see it like that at the time but now she overtly says how pleased she is that we took action!

OP posts:
Remotew · 10/03/2009 21:31

I've got a lovely one, but, any tips on the monster she turns into one day a month.

notsoclever · 10/03/2009 21:46

Fantastic! And thanks for sharing your good news.

When any of us are in the midst of a terrible time we hope that the teen years will pass and things will get better, but it seems so hard to keep believing on a day-to-day basis.

I had one of those mornings with dd2, so it is especially reassuring to hear about your dd.

DD's friends seem to be encouraging her to leave school in the summer. I am guessing that a lot of it is rebellious talk, and most of them will be back as prefects after their exams, but dp and exh are both over-reacting at the moment, which is not helping the situation.

I look forward to making a post like yours NAO.

Original poster
NotAnOtter · 10/03/2009 22:05

notsoclever I REALLY hope so too

fwiw boys in ds's year last year did a bit of bravado chat about leaving school in the summer

none of them did! I think sometimes it is fear of failure at GCSE makes them 'talk the talk' about leaving school

OP posts:
mumeeee · 10/03/2009 23:26

That's great news. Well done to your DD and to you.

Original poster
NotAnOtter · 10/03/2009 23:38

thanks so much mummee ( still smiling tonight!)

OP posts:
lilolilmanchester · 10/03/2009 23:41

Well done to your DD - and to you. Thanks for the update, very encouraging news!

wheesht · 10/03/2009 23:45

I remember your previous thread notan, prob because was going through much the same with my dd at the time.

So glad that things have improved so much for you and you are right to be proud of her

Isn't it amazing how they can grow up and change so quickly?

Original poster
NotAnOtter · 10/03/2009 23:47

weesht thanks again and i am hoping that things have improved for you??

it was literally overnight for us - the minute she broke up for christmas school let us tell her she was moving groups and over the Christmas break things got better and better and we have not looked back.

I can almost not believe what we have been through now!

OP posts:
wheesht · 10/03/2009 23:56

Am so happy for you. Have wondered how things were going.

Thanks for asking, things are HUGELY better for us too. Went through a nightmare of a time with dd1 after she got involved with a bad crowd. Culminated in her taking an o/d (not seriously, was more a cry for help). I think that talking to the staff at the hospital really made her see sense and how serious it could have been. She stopped seeing the crowd she had been hanging about with straight away and we haven't looked back. She is so much happier now, working, has made new friends and has grown up so much. I feel like I have got to know her all over again.

dd2 has just turned 14 though so here we go again....

Original poster
NotAnOtter · 11/03/2009 00:08

look on the bright side weesht it may well not happen

I think i have learned a lot from our horrible time..

if there is another horrible time i will just 'step on it' from the outset

i wonder if a lot of it has amended because she eventually saw how much we cared!

OP posts:
Original poster
NotAnOtter · 11/03/2009 00:08

i am so so pleased for you with DD1

OP posts:
wheeshtgibberwitch · 11/03/2009 09:07

Thanks notanotter

mummyflood · 11/03/2009 16:49

What a great story, NotAnOtter. I would just like to pat you on the back for being strong parents and not giving up. You must be so chuffed and proud of her and yourselves.

Proof positive that strong parenting DOES make a difference, and if you believe in something don't give up, even if you are at odds with the school. They still need us involved even as teens. Good parents know their kids best, and your story is very uplifting and quite inspiring.

Well done!! xxmfxx

MargaretMountford · 11/03/2009 16:50

yay !!

Milliways · 11/03/2009 17:23

Well done to you & your DD

It's great to hear the Good News..

Original poster
NotAnOtter · 11/03/2009 21:04

thanks so much!

have got to the bottom of what it actaully is that she is being congratulated for !!

DD has been given a pat on the back and a chocolate bar by school as she is one of only 9 girls in the year group whose effort grades have improved on last terms...

seems an awfully low number but hey ho!

To be frank I am over the moon with her anyway and do not need school to qualify that but it is nice that they did!

she is really pleased too! ahhhh life is good

thanks for all the kind words

OP posts:
Original poster
NotAnOtter · 11/03/2009 21:13

Mummyflood i just wanted to add that your words were particularly poignant

dd's beaviour deteriorated slowly over a period of probably two years

We coped with it as best we could - i am almost ashamed to say i bought a book on parenting teens ( she is not my eldest child) and tried every trick in the book to do what was best.

In the last six months of her awfulness we became so desperate that we started to question everything we had done and were doing. WHAT was it we were doing wrong? It really was a living hell and i could easily have given up. Instead we dug our heels in firmly. Agreed to bond together to get through this and stop everyones suffering. ( our younger dc's had to see the shouting and rows )

Again by ocotber /november she was almost causing depression in me and dh and with other children in the household it was truly all consuming

BUT standing our ground and fighting with the school for what we believed to be the only option that would effect change in her- worked. I am REALLY proud of my dd now - how she has seen the error of her ways and worked though it.

I am also proud of myself and her Dad who went into school again and again - when i could no longer do it - to pass on what we wanted and implement the change she so desperately needed.

OP posts:
brokenhearted · 12/03/2009 09:34

So there is light at the end of the tunnel! I am so so so happy for you and DD. I too have a teen DD and sometimes I just do not 'recognise' her as her behaviour is so horrid. Well done to the two of you, it has restored my faith. I too hope that 'my little girl' comes back to me and we can be happy families again, although I will say, she is only 13 so I may be in for some wait.

littlerach · 12/03/2009 09:43

What a lovely thread to read.