Need advice on 15yo DD texts to 18yo male she has never met!!!!

[Chluro]

Hi all

I haven't been around much so I hope you don't mind me coming along for some advice on how to handle this one!

My DD has been talking about this young man J for a while now, she led me to believe she knew him through a friend and that she has met him more than once. She knows he is a little too old for her - she is just turned 15 he is just turned 18 and seemed pretty sensible about it all.

However, after yet another morning of her not being able to get up for school, I confiscated her mobile phone, and told her she can have it after school TIL BEDTIME then no longer as she is phoning and texting people til all hours so not getting enough sleep.

I have checked her phone and although the tects between her and J are not steamy, they are full of "I love you so much" "I have never felt this way before about anyone" "I know how stupid it sounds as we HAVE NEVER MET" (!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

He lives in a rented house with a friend on the other side of the town on one of the most notorious estates here, which I know means not much but adds to my nerves.

Now, my dilemma. I know she texts this J, but I now know what they say to one another and also most importantly that she has NEVER MET HIM! I am shocked, she knows the dangers of strangers both on phones and MSN/Myspace etc and clearly she has not met up with him, but also is it a matter of time.

DO I admit I checked her phone and read the messages? Or how else can I tackle it.

We have had a few problems with her , but all attitude at home and school, no smoking, drinking, sex etc, as she has dropped her friends who are all into that as she isn't and doesn't like the hassle they give her about it.

I am in a right dilemma, I want to keep her safe and for her to know the REAL dangers out there, but dont' want to lose her trust, isn't this like I have checked her diary, after all, something I would never do!?

bump for you - I'm not at the teenage bit yet but noticed your text.
Really difficult one hopefully someone can offer relevant experience/advice.

rachel2 you have to pay for media requests you know

And don't you think it's being a tad insensitive posting on these threads, where people are asking for help?

Chluro, do you have any idea how they met in the first place? If she hasn't met him does she actually know that he is an 18 year old and not older and more predatory?

I think you need to talk to her about it. Is there any way that you could sit down to have an adult conversation and get her to tell you that they have never met? I would be very worried. Yes her privacy is incredibly important but she is putting herself in a very dangerous position.

You must be worried sick you poor thing My DD is 22 now, so I'm past all that, and it WAS a nightmare at the time. Similar things.. texts, msn etc.

However, a man she has never met WILL become boring. Texts are a poor way of communicating. She WILL find someone else in real life her own age. Real life trumps text/msn in the end.

hi again folks.

I did dash back on earlier and see Rachel2's sensitive reply [hmmm] so thanks for deleting it

I have had a chat with her, she was very upset and angry I had looked at her phone and I assured her it was NOT a regular thing but that I was concerned. I told her I knew she had not met this boy, and it appears a long time ago she did and that he is friends with one of her best friend's older brothers. Which has set my mind at rest a little. All of their texts were along the lines of "nothing will come of this" and I do think this is the case.

We have had a chat, I told her exactly what my concerns are and WHY, and she seems to have accepted this and I have also said if they DO decide to meet up that he must come here for her so I can at least meet him.

Luckily, she hangs around with a few boys, rather than a load of girls, so I know them well as well and can have a word with them about it.

thanks so much for the replies

Sounds like your chat went really well, well done Hopefully this will set your mind at rest.

Excellent. It sounds like you've opened up some lines of communication there - keep them open! She sounds like a good'un. Well done you.