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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Pre-teen girl advice please

20 replies

jampots · 25/02/2005 17:54

How can I get my dd to start taking an interest in her appearance and when it is appropriate to wear certain clothes? She thinks jeans, trainers and a tshirt are ok to wear out to dinner. She half brushes her hair so it always looks much bushier than it needs to.

Whats prompted this is she is getting ready to go to a friend's party - and literally just changed out of uniform (in heap on teh floor) and into jeans and a tshirt. She wears the same things over and over again and unless its a dark colour she isnt interested. Help... im in danger of throwing all her dark clothes out and buying her a clown costume...

OP posts:

Potty1 · 25/02/2005 18:12

No advice jampots - just sympathy! My dd is 11 and just the same. She doesn't own a dress, has one skirt (denim), even wears trousers for school. Room is an absolute tip. She will still wear pink though - is you're dd becoming a bit of a Goth?

Twiglett · 25/02/2005 18:14

are her friends just like her?

I would have thought at that age she's on the cusp of caring, and if her friends don't care yet then she won't

personally I think its quite lovely that she doesn't care about her appearance but does care about her friends

(from someone who is 37 and also thinks jeans and a t-shirt are ok to wear out to dinner )

MummytoSteven · 25/02/2005 18:14

are her friends pretty much the same? if they are, then I think I would just cross my fingers and hope it was a passing phase.

think I went through a black, black and black phase when early teenage, and DH did. (And DH wouldn't want to go for dinner somewhere jeans and a T-Shirt were out(!)).

Twiglett · 25/02/2005 18:16

I did used to dress up as a teenager and 20-something though, and still can put it on if I have to

redsky · 25/02/2005 18:34

I would try not to worry too much about what dd is wearing at this age. My dd 12.5 is currently experimenting with different looks - some of which are pretty ghastly imo (scraped back hair, mini-ish skirt, boots etc). Sometimes I wish she would go back to jeans and Ts - far more 'natural' looking and down to earth iyfkwim. I have always dressed unbelievably untrendily but rather belatedly have come to realise that actually you can have fun with clothes - I don't want dd to be stuck in the frumpy rut I was (to my mum fashion = cheap/nasty). I have started getting catalogues in just so that dd and I can look through them together and discuss what might look good.

redsky · 25/02/2005 18:37

btw dd has never liked pink or flowers.

Tinker · 25/02/2005 18:38

Think she sounds great jampots, like her style If she's not getting any stick from anyone, wouldn't worry about it yet.

Original poster

jampots · 25/02/2005 19:32

Yes i think she's turning into a goth

Her friends do care - thats one of the problems. DD is tall and slim and has the potential to look lovely. She's spent a couple of years growing her fringe out but now just sticks the "bits" behind her ears - same look for school and home and everywhere else.

We had a huge row this evening cos I wouldnt let her wear her faded black tshirt and wanted her to wear something which id bought for her (with her) nice simple Elle top and she was fighting against the label !! even though she slicked on some of her CD lipgloss (pressie from friend who works for CD)

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fostermum · 26/02/2005 05:28

i cant see that this is anything unusual for this age which she will come through,the more you hassle her the more she will stick to her guns,just mention how nice her friends look but dont critisis her or she will end up with a complex whod be my way of dealing with it

Tinker · 26/02/2005 15:45

I like the sound of her very much jampots. I think rejecting a t shirt at her age because of the label is a really postive thing. I'd be very proud of her for that.

serenity · 26/02/2005 15:54

I think you have to let her be on this one. She's starting to discover her her own tastes and personality, and any pushing from you will just end up as those rowwy/door slamming teenage things. Maybe you can try for a compromise? You let her wear what she wants day to day, but between you, you put together a couple of mutually acceptable outfits for 'special' occasions.

Oh god I'm so not looking forward to my lot reaching puberty.....

Original poster

jampots · 26/02/2005 16:12

thanks for your advice mummies

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mumeeee · 27/02/2005 20:09

Hi jampots that seems normal wear for teenagers. I have 3 girls age 13 15 and 17 and they often wear trainers tshirts and jeans. At least you dont have to worry about her wearing very shrt skirts.

EEYORE552000 · 27/02/2005 20:27

my daughter was the sameshe looked a mess everything was black we sometimes got a bit of colour in it,cap so we couldnt see herlol stunk and never thought there was a bottom to her hair lol.she is now 13.5 and she has gone from one extream to the other,makeup,big earrings.i wouldnt let it bother you when she finds out about boysshe will change herself.

Original poster

jampots · 11/03/2005 17:23

aargghh - today she has taken the biscuit. She's having a party tonight for about 6 friends (food, film, fun type of thing) so picked her up from school and went straight to the local supermarket to get a couple of pizzas, she went beserk and actually hid in the supermarket cos there were a couple of older lads in there from her school (at least year 10) and she actually blushed then she gave me absolute hell about going to the video shop - am ashamed to say I actually hissed at her to sod off and called her a brat. And i told her that the embarrassment she felt being with me equalled the embarrassment i felt being with her with such a scowl on her face permanently. Please help me...... she's making me act like a teenager

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Original poster

jampots · 11/03/2005 17:46

im beginning to think there's something wrong with me - she's just "changed" from a khaki coloured tshirt into a black/white on - thats it simply changed her top and kept the same jeans she's had on all day!!!! She hasnt even brushed her frigging hair nor even washed her face - they will be here in 15 minutes and she thinks she looks ok - WHAT CAN I DOO?????

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nutcracker · 11/03/2005 17:50

Hmmmmm how old is she 12 ?? TBH If it were me i wouldn't be worrying about it yet. Give her another couple of years and you will probably be posting about how you can't get her to wear anything other than skirts that barely cover her modesty.

I was about the same as your dd, until i was about 13/14 i think and then it was short skirts galore and tops with smutty logans

Potty1 · 11/03/2005 17:53

Jampots - its a control thing - try not to let her see that it bothers you. Enjoy how much time you can spend in the bathroom cos it probably won't last long.

cloudy · 11/03/2005 18:48

If her friends are still coming around, maybe they don't mind how she looks, they know what she's like and they're not bothered. If they're not bothered, she's not bothered, what's the problem... Maybe save your efforts to smarten her up for weddings, things like that.

Original poster

jampots · 12/03/2005 10:51

right ive survived the actual party and in the end had 4 girls staying over (one invited herself) and in fact the one who invited herself is still here !!!! the noise they created was immense and the food that was all over the floor was unbelievable.

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