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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Should the age of consent be raised?

55 replies

joash · 10/02/2005 10:58

following on from the "my 16 yr old ds is having sex with his 15 yr old girlfriend" thread ... I wondered what people thoughts were on this subject.

OP posts:
secur · 10/02/2005 11:07

Message withdrawn

Lonelymum · 10/02/2005 11:09

I will stand with you secur, but with the same misgivings that I think many teenagers would ignore the law anyway.

secur · 10/02/2005 11:17

Message withdrawn

Original poster
joash · 10/02/2005 11:17

I agree. Having two daughter (now in their 20's) and a sone of 16, as well as working with teenagers for over 18 years, I do think that the age of concsent should be raised and the law should be enforced regardless of the age of those having sex. Many instances of teenagers having sex gets ignored with comments such as "oh they're 15, not as if their babies". or "well they're going to do it anyway".

Whilst many teenagers admit that they know the so-caled law is a farce - no-ones going to stop them.

OP posts:
Original poster
joash · 10/02/2005 11:17

that should be son and he's 15 not 16.

OP posts:
Fastasleep · 10/02/2005 11:21

Am I going to be a bad mother in later years? I don't see why there's all this fuss! Sex is fun, it's natural...and when you love someone it's even better! If you see that your kids have the maturity to use protection and be open about it then what's the problem?

elliott · 10/02/2005 11:23

but when you look at other countries, age at first intercourse bears little relation to the legal age of consent. Some evidence that later first intercourse (if that is your goal) is related to more education and knowledge about sex. We Brits are a bit hung up about it all if you ask me.

Gwenick · 10/02/2005 11:25

I think it should be raised..........or other 'age' related things put down (which I wouldn't agree with).

Lets face at the moment you can legally have baby, before you can drive a car or have alcohol - and of course you can (theoretically) pass your driving test just before you're legally allowed to get sloshed - where's the sense in that???

Oh and of course you can drive a car AND have a baby before you're allowed to vote

Original poster
joash · 10/02/2005 11:28

But the point is that kids don't have maturity. A decision to use so-called protection or being open about sex is not maturity. Many of these teenagers are literally doing it to keep their boyfriends or girlfriends interested, or simply because they think that they should because they are convinced that everyone else is doing it. In 18 years, I never met one teenager that was having sex, who said that they did it because it was fun ( my work was in young peoples sexual health BTW). They told their friends, partners, even parents, that it was because of love, etc - but admitted in one-to-ones that they didn't really feel ready and in many cases didn't even like it.

OP posts:
secur · 10/02/2005 11:29

Message withdrawn

Fastasleep · 10/02/2005 11:30

Well here you go joash! I met my dh at 15, happily had sex with because I loved him, I loved sex! WE were married 2 weeks after my 16th, we had my DS 11 months later, I love them both dearly and although I'm only 17 I feel quite mature enough to deal with being a mother, a wife and a housewife.. there are always exceptions to the rules! And teenagers really are just going to break the rules anyway, the more stringent you make them the more compelled they will be to break them just for the sake of breaking them!

Original poster
joash · 10/02/2005 11:31

Totally agree secur. It has to be education and the law working together. Many of the young people that I worked with were as young as 11 - now that's scary.

OP posts:
Fastasleep · 10/02/2005 11:31

Sorry didn't mean to shout WE lol

Cam · 10/02/2005 11:32

If the age of consent were to be raised then the law would have to change to disallow marriage at age 16 as well.
I think biological drives will win out every time.

Original poster
joash · 10/02/2005 11:33

Fastasleep - my personal situation is, or was, very similar to yours and I felt the same way that you do now. I'm now 41 and looking back - it was all crap. No-matter how mature, and logical, and understanding, and knowledgeable we think we are, not only as teenagers, but also into our 20's and higher - life experience changes our outlooks totally.

OP posts:
secur · 10/02/2005 11:34

Message withdrawn

secur · 10/02/2005 11:34

Message withdrawn

Gwenick · 10/02/2005 11:37

I agree Joash. I'm 25, been married 5yrs (got engaged at 19 after knowing DH for just 1 1/2 months). Have two children, 4yrs and 14 months. AND I'm as happy as anything, I DON'T regret getting married so young HOWEVER, looking back I can see that I 'wasn't' 'really' mature in enough in some areas of my life to be getting married - although as I stressed I as happy as I could ever be - and if I 'could' have waited longer before marrying him I may well have done so (although that wasn't an option - it was 'now or never' as they wouldn't extend my work permit and the chances of DH getting a visa to come to the UK at that time would have been practically 0).

Even now at 25 I know I'm still learning, still experience new life changing things and most probably will until I'm old and wrinkly

Bozza · 10/02/2005 11:38

I agree with Secur and Joash - with the benefit of hindsight I was not as mature in my early/mid teens as I liked to think at the time.

Gwenick · 10/02/2005 11:39

you don't agree with me then Bozza

Fastasleep · 10/02/2005 11:40

That's part of growing older, I think I'd look back on my younger years and go 'wow how immature' no matter what I'd done! I know I'm mentally growing more every day but that doesn't mean that I wasn't mature enough to start a proper relationship and all that that entails when I did... I still don't think the sex thing is that bigger deal anyway...I think STD's are a big deal, but not the act in the first place, as long as they don't feel pressurised into it then I see no problem... it must be just me

Original poster
joash · 10/02/2005 11:42

Hi Gwenick
I've been married for over 20 years (lived together for three years before mariage and been together for a longer than that. I have three children, 2 girls and a bo. Plus a GS with us permenantly. I am very happy (99% of the time) and I definately don't regret my children or marriage

Like you, I'm still learning. I remember expecting to feel ancient in my 30's and 40's - but don't feel any different, except in confidence - less concerned about how others see me and very happy in myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
joash · 10/02/2005 11:43

SEE - only thing that goes in your 40's in ability to spell.

OP posts:
Gwenick · 10/02/2005 11:43

LOL Joash - love the 99% of the time - I think we're all like that aren't we - even the people that claim to be "the happiest person in the world"

secur · 10/02/2005 11:44

Message withdrawn

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