15 year old taking risks-its bad

[Supercalib]

Having a terrible time with son age 15. ADHD, school refuser. Bought a moped but we reported to the police had previously been stolen, not by him. Has stolen our cars to drive in the middle of the night. Sneaks out. Started smoking weed. I’m losing the will with him and scared stiff. Sometimes he can have a conversation about it all and say whats right and wrong. I feel he is chasing a thrill and high but i’m scared daily, cannot sleep and ill with it feeling like a failure. I don’t know where to turn to.

Interesting how you deliberately ignored the part of my post where I talked about reporting him every time alongside exploring other options like medication or therapy. You also missed out the part where I talked of my own family experience with this kind of thing.

Him facing the consequences of his actions may well be the catalyst he needs to explore other options, it was for my family member. Or perhaps he won’t care and it won’t help at all, it’s not unheard of but OP wouldn’t know either way because she hasn’t reported him for stealing her car and joyriding has she? And their are very real risks that he could injure or kill himself or someone else and by then it is too late, the damage will be done and OP will know that she did t report it because she didn’t want to delay him being able to drive legally.

You keep on pretending that you are the only person with experience and that you are the only one who is allowed to offer advice.

Hi, thanks for the comments. I do feel had this been me giving advice 2 years ago I would go down with the tough love, zero tolerance route. Its quite a ride this and beyond anything I have been able to resolve. I’m pretty well educated, hold a high paying senior job and adding that context here as its wild to think I do that in the day and have this home life. Money won’t fix this. Think someone called me more or less pathetic, being able to do the job I do is far from it, I am tough but seriously this is a total game changed and right now and for a while I feel hopeless but love by each day.

Re the police. I reported him riding a moped uninsured, no license etc and they didn’t care. Daily I subconsciously dream of all these worst case scenarios mentioned, knock at the door he is dead or someone else is, or hurt beyond full recovery with life changing injuries. I imagine us all in jail. Him and addict on the street in a few years. I then realise thats what I am thinking. I appreciate people sharing experiences, I was looking for that but I just want to make the point it’s not lost on me.

Money wise he sells clothes mainly, he used some savings from Christmas and birthdays to buy the moped, it was £200. For all future birthdays/Christmas its physical things or vouchers but i’ll address that at the time.

I will look at the sports and thrill seeking, there are tracks you can drive on underage guided, I suppose I didn’t want to do that but this has made me think. He used to play football and doesn’t anymore, same with the gym.

We had 90 minutes with a professional around the medication, it didn’t result in any desire to go ahead and I cannot force a 15 year old to take it, plus there are side effects to think about.

I arranged counselling, didn’t engage with them. Going to look at mentoring and also college courses as trying to get him to think of a goal to work to but he is very impulsive iso doesn’t think long term. I do believe when be matures if he finds his niche or focus he will achieve and settle down but worry we won’t get there.

The car taking I haven’t got right, I’ll never feel settled on decisions to date on it. I feel sick and the guilt and frankly embarrassment is huge.

I do need to maintain my relationship with him, so that I can talk calmly and not alienate him too much as he will completely switch off.

If there are any other practical and pragmatic experiences please share, I knew I would get a slating in some areas and deserve it but I’m here for help too.