Hi,
Our 13yo daughter is having friendship trouble at her school. We are deciding if it’s best to transfer her to another middle school in a different district (We are currently with LAUSD).
We notice when she is at home for winter or summer breaks she is usually well. She seems happier, more talkative, more comfortable. But when she goes back to school her behavior completely changes. The first day back to school she is excited to put on her outfit and has energy to get up and get there. But after just a week, she has a low mood, doesn’t want to engage with us and just completely shuts down. She then asks if she can stay home from school and some days it’s really hard for us to get her to go to school.
She does struggle with mental health issues. Which Dad and I are trying our best to support. She takes medication but doesn’t want to do talk therapy. I will say the medication has helped.
Since 7th grade, the reasons why she doesn’t want to go to school is “my friends kicked me out of the group again and I can’t deal with it” “my friends make rumors about me and I’m so sick of it” “my friends aren’t talking to me and I can’t deal with it anymore”.
We have family pairing on TikTok and I try to monitor that. But I do notice her reposts have the topic of gossip and she comments “people always making stuff up about me, I literally CANNOT”.
I have spoke with her counselors and they’ve told me that my child tells the counselor that she isn’t sure if they are her friends, that she isn’t she if they even like her etc. and the counselor told me that some of the girls from her friend group tell the counselors that my daughter is “too much” and “don’t want to deal with her”.
There have also been instances where the school calls me and tells her that one of her friends parents was shown a TikTok from my daughter and the posts is about teacher memes and my daughter hates when the teacher moves the slide too fast angry face.
I’ve been called to the school 3 times now and the counselor explains someone from her friend groups parent is reporting what my child posts. But her posts are not dangerous/concerning.
This friend group issue has been going on since 7th grade. Dad and I try our best to support her, we do family outings and she is in softball (which she enjoys). But when it comes down to going to school she doesn’t want to go.
I ask my child if she wants to transfer but my child says “not yet maybe I’ll keep trying”. I have told my child a new environment could really help but my daughter keeps saying no. It is frustrating because she says she doesn’t want to transfer but tries to go to school but seems so defeated by it.
Parents, I would some advice, guidance or what we can do better to support her. I remember being that age (never again) and I just want her to come home happy.
Should we just do the transfer? I have tried working with the school and I have gone to a few meetings and I get the feeling they are treating her as a problem.
What could we do better to help support her?
Thank you