Just found out DD13 has a WhatsApp channel - help!

[Sparticle]

So last night I was on her phone adding some train tickets to wallet (we are all off out today and it’s easiest for each of us to be able to get through the barriers) and I was just checking out what badge notifications she had.

I was then looking through her WhatsApp messages as a general check as I haven’t for a very long time (she gave me her password and shows her phone to me whenever I ask - I just haven’t asked for ages) and stumbled across her WhatsApp channel.

I didn’t even know what one was last night!

Content-wise, it is all about Taylor Swift and Olivia Rodrigo and I couldn’t see anything dodgy per se on it.

But she is posting all the time - okay it’s between morning and evening so the times she is up and awake (ie not overnight, she doesn’t keep her phone in her room) but the speed at which she is posting is incredible.

And there are quite a few posts of ‘let’s get us up to 132’ (followers) etc. As of last night she currently has 166.

We are going to be on a two hour train journey this morning (and back home this evening) and I’m not going to stop myself from saying something.

I don’t know where to start. I wish I knew about them and I do not like this secrecy. I wish she was just creating stuff irl instead of spending all her time being ‘creative’ with polls and questions and looking for interaction. She is such a crafty girl but also likes being popular but I feel like this is a tipping point that I need to get right.

Help and advice very much needed!

Sorry I meant I’m not going to be able to stop myself from saying something.

I don’t know what the problem is in addressing it with her. She’s 13 and you’re allowed to check her phone. It’s not an invasion of privacy, it’s parenting.

So you bring it up directly, without apology.

For me, I would make her delete the channel or restrict it to real life friends only, not sure if there is a setting for that and to be honest I wouldn’t be keen on that either. I let my kids have WhatsApp just for messaging friends not for wider social media reach, but then I don’t let them have TikTok or Instagram either.

Thanks for replying. DD also doesn’t have TikTok but does have instagram (teen settings).

The problem wasn’t about raising it with her - as I said, I have her password and check her phone whenever I need to, in front of her or not. It was more whether anyone else has experience of these channels.

We are already on the train (early start!) and I’ve raised it with her. Thankfully she didn’t get upset or have a tantrum, she just looked a bit like she’d been caught out. She didn’t really know what they are, anything about the privacy around them and just sat one up at the end of August because her best friend had.

She suggested that she delete it but for now I’ve said that I won’t stop her having one but that is just because we need to look into it more and that still might be the outcome soon/in the future. I have suggested that maybe she shares one with her best friend if that is an option because the time spent on it concerns me.

I have also said that her creative abilities would be best focused on maybe fan art or even TS/OR BFF fanfic (if that is a thing?!) because she has had an interest in writing fiction in the past. She didn’t disagree with any of those things.

My daughter has one (14) but we've said she can only have followers who are friends that she knows. Would that be any better?

Channels are public.
If she's bit allowed to post on tiktok or IG unrestricted then she shouldn't be allowed this channel.

There's a parental control on WhatsApp now
https://www.whatsapp.com/parentalcontrols

And in particular, "Choose which channels a teen can follow and choose to restrict them from creating channels."
https://faq.whatsapp.com/4568767273404177?helpref=faq_content

You can't control who follows her.
It literally says they are public and anyone can follow you when you create it.

Unless you have parental control on there? Look into it.

We allowed WhatsApp but only for chats and specifically following no channels and posting no channels or updates.

Why are you allowing your child on social media without vetting the full options? You need to educate yourself for her safety. also be more thorough about checking the other platforms you mentioned (Instagram?).

Personally I'd tell her to delete it as she's too young.

Thanks for the replies. @Thisusernameisalwaysavailableshe doesn’t have TikTok and her Instagram is under teen setting and I approve everyone she gets friends requests from (friends and family), it’s private otherwise.

I’ll definitely look at those settings you shared.

@suseyI thought I had vetted the full options. I had never heard of channels before as I don’t use them and to me, WhatsApp has only ever been for messaging. It was an unknown unknown.

I don't use channels either but I made sure to educate myself before giving my child a phone. It's okay to roll back and tell her no.

Ah @Thisusernameisalwaysavailable sorry I misread your point that if she isn’t allowed to post unrestricted on those platforms, she shouldn’t on here. Thanks, that’s what I would have said if I knew they existed. It is slightly trickier right now as I don’t want her to delete it without more discussion (given we’re on the train for a family day out) but I am definitely leaving towards that.

I wouldn't have thought there needs to be a discussion, more a "this is happening, channel deleted and parental controls....because you did this knowingly without permission, and clearly still need help managing this phone" etc

And yes maybe tomorrow is the day to address it!

I’d have just deleted it when I found it and changed the settings to stop her setting it up again. It wouldn’t be an option.

I think just share your concerns with her. WhatsApp is preferable to Snapchat, Instagram and TikTok in my view. None of my kids’ friends use WhatsApp, it‘s much more Snapchat and TikTok messaging. They only use WhatsApp to communicate with us.

There is only so much you can do to control this so we have come to the conclusion that the important thing is to ensure the phone is disabled mid-evening, to ensure a good night’s sleep (we are apparently the only parents that do this and completely unreasonable!) and ensure the kids are savvy and understand the dangers of chatting with people they don’t know online and of posting photos of themselves. Can she block unknowns from following her?

You can’t apply the WhatsApp controls retrospectively, it’s only when setting up a new account. I didn’t realise this until I’d let my daughter download WhatsApp and get too far in the setup process without me supervising.

Thanks @Thisusernameisalwaysavailable- you’re right, these are all the things I’ve said to her already. Interestingly, I did just mention to her that I’m probably (sounding like I’ve not 100% decided, although I have) going to ask her to delete the channel and she didn’t react very much. Part of me wonders whether it’s actually a huge pain to keep it going and keep up with trying to get all the likes and interaction and is possibly feeling relief and being given the opportunity (aka mum says so) to get rid of it.

@MinasamaYes she doesn’t have her phone in her room and I have screen time limits etc set up but I didn’t for WhatsApp as it’s always been ‘just’ a messaging app for me so she’s used it to message friends and family. Turns out I’m the unsavvy one after all!

@OneShyPeachSharkI only found out at 10pm last night when she was in bed and with 4 hours travelling today for a family day out I didn’t want to do it then. Also I feel that having the discussion first is important instead of just going and deleting it. Although you’d be right to say there is a trust thing too.

Yes you can.

You might have to go through and remove some contacts do they can request again etc

Or just delete the account and start again.
Settings > Account > Delete my account,

Tough shit if they lose messages etc

Maybe. But maybe she thinks she'll just be able to recreate another account?

L

Channels are one-to-many broadcasts, so followers can't see each other or reply, and her number isn't shown to them. The part to watch is the 'get our numbers up' push - that's when kids start promoting the channel on other apps, which is how strangers find their real profiles. The content sounds harmless, so I'd keep it that way with a simple agreement. Fan topics only, no personal info, school details or photos of her, and she tells you if anyone tries to move things to DMs. Handing you her phone when you ask is gold - stay curious rather than shutting it down.