DD just sits in her room doesn’t see friends

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My daughter is 13 she always used to go out with friends but now just sits in her room. She has a few friends at school but isn’t interested in seeing them out of school. I think it does bother her not seeing friends outside school as much but then sometimes they’ll make plans and she’ll cancel because she can’t be bothered. Is this just a phase? I don’t want her growing up lonely and missing out on experiences.

What’s she doing in her phone, is she on her phone/ screen

How is she in the house, is dhe quiet? Chatty? Does she join the family? Does she eat ok?

I think it could be the phone. Online friends?

Do you restrict her phone use?

It's her phone I reckon, sapping her soul

Have you asked her how she feels? If she misses her friends during the weekend? Maybe she is not getting on with them as much, and might need to widen her friendship group. It is worth a discussion to see what is going on.

This woukd have been my daughter. We restricted her phone and screen use to an hour a day on school days and 2 on weekends. She got much better and goes out much more.

Just a different point of view- I was, and still am, like your dd.

my mum definitely thought I should be getting out more, and I was made to feel like I was somehow sad and unlikeable because I wasn’t going out every weekend, meeting up with friends shopping etc.

i just don’t enjoy it. In my early 20’s at uni i went out a bit more when I found a few like minded people.

now though I’ve learned there’s nothing wrong with not being a social butterfly. I work, I go to the gym, that’s enough social contact for me 🤣.

if your dd wants more social activity outside school then joining some extracurriculars may help. Clubs etc are also good for “light” social contact, where you see people and chat, but don’t necessarily have to develop anything that requires planning and invitations.

My DS is 14 and the same. Usually on his playstation or phone or watching TV in his room, goes out occasionally but he says he likes to chill at weekends and sees friends in the week at school! I do worry that he misses out but I'm not sure what else I can do. He does leave the house with me to walk dog go shops etc but I feel your worry OP. it's a very difficult age

@KeenLemonPanda my 14ds is literally the same. He is currently in his pyjamas on the settee playing a game on his switch. To him he's not going anywhere (turned down cinema with younger sibling and me) so why get dressed....he has been into the garden briefly to see to his pets.

He used to go out more wirh friends but I don't think he actually enjoyed it.

He's out 3 nights a week doing different clubs.
He doesn't ever instigate outside social interaction.

Watching thread with interest and just want to offer solidarity for those of us who are worrying. Hearing the side of the PP (sorry, can't scroll back to get your name) who's now older is also useful. Thank you

When we restrict my ds phone / screen he will draw or read before wanting to go out with friends. Is generally happier to go out as a family - but not always.

Fwiw I am a pre-internet child. I read.

drove my mum mad that I’d choose to stay in with a book. Quite often I’d have my books confiscated or my reading restricted because it was making me “anti-social”.

she did actually ask me once what in did before I always had my phone in my hand, I reminded her that it was a book, and she used to have a go at me for that too…

she is very much an extrovert and loves spending time shopping etc with friends. She cannot grasp that I don’t enjoy it.

it took me many years to stop forcing myself to go out and trying to build an “I’m a great person because I have a great social life” persona and accept that’s not who I am. I am much happier now. I also learned that it is fine to go shopping on my own, to the cinema on my own, I didn’t need to find someone to accompany me- I didn’t do a lot of things for fear of looking like a billy no mates, when really nobody cares.

It can be hard not to worry but also be careful not be make your child feel like there is something wrong with them that they like their own company.

@Yetanotherone12thanks for your story. That's helpful. The world would definitely be a dull place if we were all the same.

It took a while,maybe 6 months or more. She is still a homebird but tends to do more constructive things than scroll or game endlessly.

sadly when we were all kids - this could have been a young person reading/chilling out/drawing - now, are they scrolling addictive (HIGHLY addictive ) content on tik tok or youtube? Is she on insta?

I personally think the idea that phones are social is raging nonsense perpetuated by the Social Media giants who want our kids curled up in bed scrolling endless shit videos.

If you have any chance of controlling it before she gets too old - get that phone and seriously limit all of it - in particular if you can get rid of youtube /tik tok etc etc

then you will know if she is actually chilling out or addicted to the phone

I am speaking from experience as despite being pretty tech savvy my son got round every control and was watching hours of tik tok

Mine same. Too easy to just chat on Line and scroll

I was like this at 13 in 1988 and it certainly wasn't due to spending time on a phone.

@DeftGoldHedgehog
In 2026 it’s more than likely because of a phone

Yeah mine does this unless I organise things. I organise maybe 2 or 3 meetings each holiday but generally let her read if that is what she wants to do. As long as she is getting good grqdes and not depressed I think giving them time to be "off" helps in this tech based world.

Restrict her phone use. Be sure she is not just scrolling.

Pop your head in and notice if she is reading through series of books, drawing etc.Is she content and happy? Interacting with you all in her household? She might be relaxing.

I think phones are the unhealthy option for many introverts compared with reading, drawing, other immersive solitary interests.

I was immersed in my pets and drawing, just had two close friends that I shared the interests with but didn't start going out-out until I was 16/17 and then I was always pretty awkward about it! Hated parties! Never had a large group of friends. I felt conscious of it as a teen, but hit my mid twenties and didn't give a hoot about that anymore.

The trouble is, phone obsession just isn't healthy for any of us, me included. I don't draw or read avidly anymore, I scroll my bloody phone. They're an absolute curse. I'm not sure what the answer is but whilst trying to encourage your dd away from her phone is advisable, don't worry that she's not a social butterfly, there were millions of us happy wallflowers waaaaay before the internet and bloody phones came along.

It is interesting to me that when I was a kid my books were confiscated, and my reading time restricted because people were worried I’d grow up “anti-social” because I preferred books to socialising.

i got into awful trouble a number of times at school for reading more than the set pages I was given, and I remember getting my bum smacked at home when I was found reading after my “curfew” at night.

now people say the same about phones…

My point was that she may still not instantly be sociable if you took the phone away. As several others have also pointed out.

I was exactly like this at 13.

It wasn't down to mobile phones and screens as there weren't any. I was just far happier staying in and reading a book. I wasn't a social butterfly and had zero interest in a big social circle. I'm 60 now and I still don't.

I sometimes do stuff like go shopping but even they, I am not a social shopper and much prefer going on my own.

I'd be wary of trying to force her to socialise if she doesn't want to, as long as she isn't gaming or scrolling on her phone 100% of the time.

Very common at 13 and usually a phase rather than a problem. Cancelling plans does not always mean she does not want the friendships. Often the effort of going out just feels bigger than the want. Low-pressure invites help more than organised outings. A friend round for pizza and a film at yours keeps the connection alive without the threshold of going somewhere. It is also worth a gentle eye on the phone piece, since room time plus heavy scrolling can quietly replace the social stuff rather than just sit alongside it. If she seems happy in herself, chatting, eating and sleeping fine, this is almost certainly a normal phase.