My son is out of control at school

[Newstartbutscared84]

My son has always found school difficult. Hes nearly 16 so finishes this school year. His behaviour has deteriorated drastically , mostly we think because of the pressure of year 11. Instead of asking for help and saying he is struggling he acts out, leaves the class, chooses not to do the work. In addition to that he has now started being aggressive to staff and having meltdowns. It is obvious to anyone that he is very overwhelmed by the school environment.
Outside of school he is not like this at all. Hes like jekyll and Hyde. Of course the normal teenage issues. Stroppy ,messy , lazy. But hes respectful, helpful, kind, has lots of friends , has hobbies , has never been in trouble outside of school. I dont know what to do now?
His school are very supportive but obviously can only tolerate so much. Hes already been suspended twice since starting back. We can barley get through one or two days without problems.
I am in constant contact with the school and im going in again next week where we are going to discuss reduced timetables and things like that.
Has anyone else been through this? We dont understand why it is happening . Im starting to get worried now of what's going to happen.
I can't pull him out to homeschool as im currently having to claim benefits due to seperation and disability and I would lose a large chunk of this. I wouldn't be able to pay the bills . Feeling very stressed and overwhelmed by it all.
Just to add we have been through cahms multiple times and discharged every time as his problems are not consistent across different environments and he can speak to them so well.

He can still be in education and supported at home. Either that or look at other options or
eatablishments that will suit him better like apprenticeships or college. Ime the reduced timetable doesn’t work as they’re overwhelmed the minute they arrive. They need to provide a safe person with a good relationship with him, a place he can go away from the madding crowd. And focus on a few subjects with flexibility on where he completes the work. Trying to slot him back into normal school life will probably
backfire, those days are likely
gone so think out the box. And take pressure off him most importantly

How do we do that though? Is it through the local authority? All we want him to do is take his maths and english gcse. The rest aren't essential right now.

A PRU might be the answer but I don’t know if it’s too late as he’s already in Year 11.

A PRU would be worse. He doesnt want to be in any school environment and doesnt want to do the studying because he is overwhelmed. He just wants to be at home. He is very much looking forward to college as wants to learn a trade. Will be hands on and very different. But got to get him to that point and to pass his maths and english.

Urgently make an appointment with your head of year 11 and the schools SENCO if that is not who the schools next contact is with keep a diary or log of your child’s behaviour. He has a right to education yes they might offer reduced timetable. Don’t necessary jump to thinking it’s all (school) or nothing (homeschool). Feeling stressed and anxious about things will only add to family pressure. This weekend spend some time relaxing both of you then approach the school meeting more positively.

They should be able to provide a home tutor for a few hours a week. It’s possible if they give him a space away from a classroom in school he may manage. You might also need to face the fact he’s burnt out and might not manage it this year. There’s a Facebook page called sunflower parent support that’s for kids like ours, you’ll get more specific advice there than here, such a wealth of knowledge in that forum

Surely he needs a few gcses to go to college? Could you use that as a way of reasoning with him? And maybe see if school would cut his subject load back to the bare minimum to qualify for his desired college courses? If he drops out, surely college won’t take him?

The school are suspending him, talking about reducing his time table etc - all of which is detrimental to his education and future. My starting point is asking what school are doing to support him? What methods have they used to de-escalate and help him calm down? Does he have a mentor? A trusted staff member - is the SENCO aware? Has he had and learning assessments?

Im not saying the behaviour is okay but he is struggling with something- there needs to be a plan to find out what and address it.

Moving him now would be wrong and removing him is not an option for you.

Work with the school to assess and support his needs