Academic teen suddenly seems a bit lost

[Bringchocolate]

My DD has just started her 2nd year of A-levels. She’s always been academic and very diligent about doing her work. Since school started again after summer, she keeps sighing and being teary saying she just doesn’t care (though she wants to do the work). She seems to suddenly be a bit lost.

She’s been doing 4 subjects and wants to drop further maths as she’s not enjoying it and won’t need it for uni. I thought this decision might make it better, but this evening she said she has a test tomorrow but she’s just not been able to focus and can’t seem to care even though she wants to do well.

Any ideas what’s going on? Is it just the decision making to drop the 4th subject? I’m supportive, though my husband hasn’t said he agrees (he’s away and hasn’t seen all the tears so not got the full picture).

I would suspect something else is going on. She sounds possibly a little bit depressed. I would gently ask her if anything has happened with friends or boys, or anything else like that. I’d also say that I’m worried about her, that she seems sad. I’d probably look at some therapy if it didn’t seem to be lifting after a little while.

My DD is feeling the same. I think it has all suddenly become real. I think adjusting to being back and in the final year at school takes a bit of time. Presumably tomorrow is just a class test rather than an exam so early night and hopefully she'll feel better in the morning.

I'd suspect a friendship issue or other crisis of confidence.

can you plan a treat for the weekend and a whole lot of extra love and comfort. Pause all school-work over the weekend and bake a cake together and tell her she is marvelous.

I’m hoping this is all it is, but it’s a bit out of character.

Same with my DD. There does seem to be a really horrible virus going round (caught at reading festival) that is not really clearing up as well.

You know her best so I'm not saying don't ask her about anything else that might be wrong, it just struck me as so similar to my own DD that maybe it's the stage and just needs sitting out.

I’ve been trying to strike a balance of encouraging work while also ensuring relaxation time. The other evening I managed to persuade her to get into PJs and read a book before bed to get away from work and screens. She seemed more relaxed after that.

Y13 is pretty overwhelming, life-changing exams coming up and she likely doesn't even know where she might be living in 12 months time. Now that the summer holidays are over, it's getting real.

Has she got anything to look forward to?

i have wondered if there’s something medical going on. I’ll keep a close eye and keep her talking. Thankfully she likes talking to us and is very open with us about things (even boys), so I don’t think a serious issue with friends or boys.

I suspect she may be overwhelmed, overtired and depressed, possibly also suffering from an ongoing cold or infection that is dragging her down? This happened to me (also academic) in the second year of sixth form. I was prescribed six weeks of complete rest from study, a short break in a different and peaceful environment (I went to stay with my great aunt and uncle) and vitamin B12.

What worked was after another couple of weeks my dad yelling at me that I couldn’t just sit round the house in my dressing gown all day, what was I going to do? Something just clicked in me and I went back to school soon after.

I had missed my mocks and dropped a couple of grades at A level, so took a year out and reapplied the following year. It has all been fine!

DD has also just started her second A level year. She also has ASD.

She seems stressed out of her head already. The school seems to have lost it.

Lots of talk by teachers about how missing one day will make them fail all their exams (she was ill last Monday) plus compulsory study sessions where she cannot concentrate at all and she just gets exhausted and unable to do the work by the time she gets home.

This is a huge change from last year, where she was quite positive after moving to college (school was not a positive experience). She says they're suddenly treating them like small children "as if they're idiots" and she hates feeling patronised. She enjoys being independent and has been learning to organise her own workload despite her difficulties. Now the school seems to be undoing it all.

I may be wrong about this, but I understand this is the cohort where grade boundaries are moving up again after the pandemic lot (ridiculous as these are the kids who started year 7 without any transition or even doing SATs!) so schools may be losing their minds.

May your DD's school be similar and it's getting to her?

Your poor DD; I hope the school stops ruining it for her! Saying missing 1 day will make them fail is anwful!
Our school did the usual ‘pressure talk’ in the start of year assembly, so could be a factor.

Oh that’s good to hear! It’s so reassuring when they’re open with you and good that you can rule that out. It sounds like you’ve had some good advice from others here.

Maybe the GP for some blood tests if you’re worried about something medical. My daughter was having all sorts of emotional problems at once point, turned out she was iron deficient and once we got that sorted she was like a whole different child.

By the time they get to this stage they have been fed down the "achieve, achieve achieve" route for more than a decade and are faced with the pressure of soon having to decide what they want to do in the future. I am not surprised some feel tha8t enough is enough and a bit of a break is needed.

She needs some downtime maybe and the pressure taken off.

Thanks all for the advice. She went to a birthday meal yesterday and said she enjoyed getting away from school stuff for a bit. She also walked home with one of her friends, who said she’s feeling stressed too so think that reassured her she’s not the only one having a wobble.