How can I stay emotionally available for my teen without hovering?

[Untangledteen]

How do I stay present and emotional available for my teen without hovering ? Getting too involved in the teen drama.

There are lots of up and downs plus school pressure and I want to be helpful and supportive without being a helicopter parent ?

I want them to become independent and self sufficient, learn to cope with the daily pressures of life and find solutions to their problems but having a safe place to vent.

It is difficult sometimes not to get involved and offer solutions and take their problems as your own.

I noticed my DD (15) has 2 main times she wants to talk. Either as soon as she gets in from school, or when I go up to bed. I try to be available at those times. I found the bedtime chats harder because at the end of the day, I want to get on with sleeping, so I started pottering about upstairs a bit earlier than I want to go to sleep so that she wandered in to my room earlier on. When she talks I often remind myself just to listen and not advise, or start sharing an experience from my own in what I think is solidarity. It's not what she wants, she's told me more than once! Sometimes I actually ask her what she wants from me, advice or an opportunity to vent, or does she want me to match her energy or calm her down. When she has a problem, I try to remember to ask her questions which get her to think about how to solve it for herself. It's hard to change what my first instinct is and to let go and not be in control. "I am mum, I solve all issues" feels like my job, but it's not actually helpful

Thank you. It is tricky isn’t it? Trying not to find / offer solutions, worry for them. It is what us mums do.

DD is also 15 and you are right is normally after school and before bed so now I tent to stay up until she goes to sleep; I except on the holidays and weekends where there isn’t much drama.

It is also around her period time that they are low and everything is negative. I keep telling them it is because of her period and she says not; it is not that and that I don’t listen.