Am I worrying unnecessarily? Son aged 15

[ninetofiveeveryday]

My son is going into gcse year. He is academically capable and will, I expect, do well in exams.
he has a few hobbies, nothing he excels at they’re just fun things like football, scouts.
My brother works in London in a high powered job. He said my son needs to be thinking about his cv, he needs volunteering and a job and proven interests like qualifications in his hobbies. He said it’s going to be impossible for ‘middle class’ kids like my son to get a job unless he really stands out.
Is this right? It’s taken a lot of getting to this point where my son is going to school, happy, has friends. He is autistic, high functioning. I thought things were going fine but now I’m wondering if we’re coasting and should be doing more to set him up better?
Any thoughts?

He's doing fine, op. In time he will want to start thinking about this stuff but not at 15.

I think your son sounds great, and your brother should mind his own business.

If I could go back to year 10, get him off those bloody screens. I didn’t and my son now has a real problem with focussed hobbies and it’s also ruined his friendships. He has nothing to talk about because his only interest is his phone and the porn on it. He’s miserable. This all came out a couple of weeks after his GCSEs so it’s wrecked what should have been a wonderful summer.

He is volunteering in a shop at the moment, my aim is that he will be in paid work this time next year. He’s also finishing D of E and training to be a lifeguard. For you, most
places won’t take anybody under 16 anyway so many be get some plans for next summer.

However he will definitely be able to do some sort of work experience or shadowing?

He's fine OP. The last thing he needs is more pressure right now.

I talked to my "middle class" ds about finding a Saturday job once his gcses were over. A little job gives them a chance to earn money of their own, it gives them confidence, a bit of experience of dealing with the public and working hours, and the opportunity to make some more friends. And yes it can go on their cv with a reference but very few places will employ the under 16s so there's no rush.

In the end, my ds chose to train as a pool lifeguard in the Easter holidays of year 12 and worked from the summer he was 17 through to going to uni.

Your brother is looking at it from the high pressured central London viewpoint. Sounds like he needs a holiday.

Scouts is certainly something where your DS will have a lot of opportunities to demonstrate worthwhile skills for employment - leadership, initiative, determination, ability to raise money…..so I think he’s fine. Besides, assuming he’s thinking of university, there will be plenty to get involved with then. Also, what kind of career is DS thinking of? Maybe he wants something different to your DB’s “high-powered job in the city” which will require different things on the CV!

The grad job market is in the proverbial toilet at the moment so your BIL is not massively wide of the mark in terms of what will make YP stand out in terms of grad job applications. They definitely need some work experience before uni as not having it means it gets harder to get even entry level jobs while at Uni and that knocks on to making it harder to get internships/ placements and then onto grad jobs, as each stage will have some expectation of/ preference for previous work experience.

my understanding is that nobody ( uni or employer) really cares about extracurricular anymore- it’s all super curricular and proving passion for subject through volunteering and relevant reading/ courses/ competitions, although that probably only matters at the absolute top Unis who can afford to be picky and have more A*applicants than they have places, or for v competitive courses like medicine and vet med where you need relevant work experience to even be considered.

so don’t think you need to panic but getting some paid work next summer ( post gcse) or meaningful volunteering would definitely be useful.

He does scouts? Well that’s pretty damn rare for a 15 year old boy so that alone will stand out!

And your brother is stuck in the 1990s.

Employers don’t give a toss about what candidates volunteered at when they were 15

I think it depends a bit on what type of job your 15 might want to do. Your BIL is probably right in that getting a job or some volunteering would help your DS down the line. If he wants to get into Law, medicine, finance, engineering etc then it is going to be massively competitive and only exceptional applicants will succeed.
As PP said I think that general hobbies are far less important than super curricular.

Why?

Thanks. This is interesting as we just discussed him starting lifesaving once a week, with a view to that being possible employment as he gets older. He is into engineering type subjects, maths, sciences, DT are his strengths and what he enjoys, uni or maybe a degree apprenticement will be what he considered. We have said he will need to look for employment after his GCSE’s so I will talk to him to try and get him thinking this!

Why what?

My boy is 16. I don’t know a single one of his friends who do scouts. Or friends sons of this age. It is not exactly commonplace these days

I recently met a 17yo who came in to do work experience at my large multi national company. He was I suspect what your brother is aiming at - he was obviously bright, absolutely focused on getting into LSE / Imperial. He already had a linked in profile and was connecting with people in the firm, posting daily about his learnings. My 18yo in comparison teen has just finished a gap year - she did really well at a levels etc, going to uni but is not driven in that way and I don’t think it would ever be her. That said she is also doing a humanity subject so I’m not sure it matters so much as someone wanting to do economics etc.

I will say he scared me with how focused he was at that age - it’s not like anyone I know 🤣

Thanks all. This is helpful. I’ll have a chat to him re thinking forward a bit. I will be definitely encouraging the job after gsce’s and I’m encouraging him to get off screens. He used them too much in years 8/9 but he has been much better in year 10 and is socialising more, got into fitness a bit more etc.
We do try to keep pressure off him, he puts a lot on himself in terms of his academic work hence I think he will do well there but he is going to need a bit of a push to get out there as it were. This has all made me think it’s time to not panic but to slowly encourage / push him to think what next!

Re the volunteering, some of you are missing the point that autistic kids like OP’s so will need extra support. It’s not about the CV per se.

My son’s autistic, he is volunteering because I need to help build his social confidence. At the moment he wouldn’t be able to get through a university interview for example.

What volunteering is he doing?

Oh I see. Lots of his friends do it (I think that age is called explorers or something) so maybe it’s location dependant? He enjoys it anyway they do various outdoorsy type things. He’s gone right through beavers cubs scouts it seems quite common here (Yorkshire)

He is working in a charity shop

it’s ideal because much organising and tidying, limited contact with people if can’t handle it, ie stockroom, and they tend to be staffed by older folk. He has zero social confidence but is hugely practical

Hes got hobbies football and scouts. He doesnt have to be brilliant at the hobbies it just shows he can get along in a group and gived him interests to talk.about . The Duke of Edinburgh Award is still very good and highly though of if he can get on that through scouts perhaps . Even if hes just on the scheme it will give him something to talk about at interviews and that includes volunteering. But I'm sure hes fine with the 2 hobbies and his qualifications .

I think your brother is right to a point. As an autistic person my experience has been that the world of work is a lot harder than I expected it to be, so I would say that 15 is the right time to start building towards that.

My first suggestion would be for him to consider helping at Squirrels, Beavers or Cubs. Most groups would bite his hand off and it'll give him room to develop and demonstrate loads of skills that employers really value, in a familiar environment.

However I don't agree with the alarmist nature of your brother's message, I don't think the situation is anywhere near as critical as he is making out.

No but that volunteering/ work experience at 14/15/16 gets you the min wage hospitality job at 17, gets you another one when you go to Uni, gets you the internship, gets you the grad job. Honestly, the whole thing is whack (and massively favours YP who have an early idea of what they want to do and stick to it as they are more likely to have a lot of relevant experience) but it's kind of how it is in this market where there are too many applicants chasing not enough jobs. DD (14) just did a weeks unpaid work experience at a local business where they pick the paid summer work for the 16+ year olds from the pool of those who have done the unpaid trials in previous years because they have so many applications and can afford to "try before they buy".

The grad market is basically impossible without work experience unless you get lucky or are just so brilliant at something niche that they overlook it. But basically employers (probably fairly) want to see some evidence of employability, not just the degree certificate.

@ninetofiveeveryday if I start talking to my autistic child about this stuff, he will be overwhelmed and anxious. It's baby steps here.

I'm sure your brother means well but we all go at our own pace. I'm giving my son the space and reassurance he needs to get there gradually. His wellbeing is the most important thing. He is the same age as your child.

There isn’t a right or a wrong here. One of mine joined cadets at 13 and went on to gain huge confidence and experience, left school and trained in a related field then got himself a job in the same area. He is now 25 and fully independent. The other one wasn’t able/ready and spent their whole school years basically in their bedroom. Went to university locally whilst living at home and now at 22 only works part time as anything more is just too much. On paper you might think that DS1 has done better due to his experience as a teen but actually they are just 2 very different people who manage their autism according the to their abilities, not a ‘this is where you should be’ goalpost.

Mine got jobs at 16. They’d done football and scouts too, but it was the part time job they kept for years that interviewers asked them lots about in successful graduate scheme and internship interviews.

The best thing ds has had on his CV is volunteering for Oxfam when he was 15-16. He's and adult now and in every interview he's had he's always been asked about that more than anything else he's done. He only did a couple of hours after school once a week.