Help me handle this next phase of puberty please.

[EvangelicalAboutButteredToast]

Child is thirteen. Built like a man in every way, deep voice, nearly six foot, hair, spots, the lot. Wonderful person. Sensible, kind, thoughtful, academic. Cannot fault him at all. Great kid.

This morning I’m in the other room, everyone is up and moving about having had breakfast, his door is wide open, I hear weird noises. Think I know what’s going on but equally I’m a tiny bit worried he might actually be ill, as I walk past the open door to go into the bathroom I can see he is doing what I originally thought he was doing.

i don’t care about the act but I really do care about what he might be looking at. All parental controls are set up on all devices. He is extremely tech savvy though so there’s a chance he has found a way to bypass it. Equally the door open thing doesn’t seem the best plan but I don’t want to attribute shame to a natural urge and ask for a shut door in future.

I have said to his dad to have a word but mainly because I don’t want him falling into some porn hole.

Ant advice?

I think it's fine to say jeez mate, would you like it if I left my door open when having a wank??? Shutting the door!!!

Just popping on to say that in my experience teenage boys don't need any encouragement to wank. So it is quite likely he's managing without any access to porn.
I would be having a word about discretion and closed doors for certain activities though.

You should totally have a word with your ds about privacy and respect. Fast forward a few short years and he will be having sex with his gf/bf. There’s a thread about it under teenagers. So best you put the boundaries in now.

Maybe get his dad to suggest shutting the door in future. It’s fine to say it yourself of course, don’t be shy. Probably clumsy because he’s only 13 still. 🤦‍♀️ I agree with first poster lol.

We haven’t said anything. I’m normally really good at talking about everything but this one has kind of flummoxed me. I don’t want to embarrass him and if I talk about shutting doors and he starts shutting doors I feel like that’s not the right thing either. I like that he wants to be with the family and doesn’t shut himself away.

Sometimes when I don’t know what to do doing nothing ends up being the right thing. I’m going to park it for now and if it happens again I’ll deal with it then.