Teen drama please post your opinions 🙏

[teenagedramahelp]

Found out my 14 yo son has had sex with his girlfriend via a message on his phone ‘I think I need a preggo test’

Luckily thank the lord turns out she’s not pregnant and is on her period

We have taken teens phone and when he gets it back there will be no Snapchat (due to also sending inappropriate images to each other)

My question is this - when son is allowed his phone back would you make him cut all contact with her?
husband and I are in disagreement and really want to do what’s best. He is unable to see her in person as she lives quite far from us. Contact would be messages only as FaceTime is also a concern.

Please post your opinions
thank you!

Confused if he is unable to see her in person how they built a relationship.or had sex?
Wherr/how did they meet?
How/where did they have sex?

Clearly emotional maturity lacking here if they are going to be sexuallu active they need to be using contraception but at end of they day they are underage (but u dont state her age.so she might not be?)

Id have a big chat with him about contraception, relationships etc

Comsequence wise it tends to be if u push someome away from someone at this age they rebel. What is he like at school/home? Doing well otherwise?

EDITED TO ADD; Just seen about inappropriate image sending. Remove his phone and apps completely he is not mature enough yet for access to these things. Nip the whole thing in the bud now

He started speaking to her through Snapchat, but does have mutual friends at school that know her personally, she is 13
They were FaceTiming a lot and he was going through a hard time at school due to bullying so we thought it would be nice to invite her round and take them out for dinner etc
The next two times he went to her house, I trusted her mum to supervise them but obviously this wasn’t the case unfortunately

They need some education, does their school have a wellness practitioner who could speak with them both together?

Have you productively liaised with the girls parents so your all on the same page?

You could make it boring and tell him how you and your husband used to make out 🤣 every generation thinks they're the first to discover sex.

What's your son's voice in this? It's important he gets to be heard without the threat of punitive measures.

Condoms, condoms and more condoms.

Sadly whats done is done now. I strongly believe giving a phone to a child with access to the internet is the most dangerous thing you could do. Obviously a serious discussion needs to happen to educate both of them but if you do give the phone back I can assure you something like this will happen again. My advice is get him a pinwheel phone if you are going to give him one anyway so you are in control of things at least.

I wouldn't completely cut contact. Sounds like he's had a tough time and this is one of the good things in his life. 14 is a bit young but a plenty of boys are having sex by 15. It'd be legal in much of Europe

I'd have thought 14 was at the lower end of normal and she's 13 which I'd argue is very much not normal.

None the less, it's started and it's not going to stop so the OP will have to come to terms with it.

Normal?
They are children for heavens sake.

Where i grew up this was very normal? Maybe we were unusual. If it were my child I wld already have had that convo and made sure they had condoms at that age

To me normalising 13 and 14 year old children having sex is how we ended up.with grooming gangs .
And children being forced into sexual activity when they aren't mentally ready for it because of pressure to conform to others .
Why do you think there are laws concerning the age of consent if not to protect children?

I am really not encouraging it. But I rember when I was that age and for me the law was always more about adults abusing younger people and not criminalising teenagers for acting on their biology

If she lives too far away for him to get to independently then you don't take him there again. I assume you've told her parents about this? I would not facilitate my 14 year old having sex with anyone especially a younger child and whether there is a fall out or not, it's your job to prevent this for now.

This is very much NOT normal.

It is far from normal.

You have a massive massive problem here as he has had sex with a 13 year old & also (from what you say) sent and received inappropriate images of a child. These are serious criminal offences that can adversely affect his whole life. What is your plan if the girl’s mother reports him?

The poster above saying this is ‘normal’ is normalising criminal sexual activity with a child & it is appalling that their post has not been removed.

You need to take his phone and KEEP IT- he clearly cannot be trusted to have one, his phone days are over for now. It’s not a question of confiscating it for a week or so: you need to stop him having a phone for a very long time. There can be no question of him ‘having it back’ in the next year given that it has been used in this way- I can’t believe you do not see this.

You also need to ensure he has no more contact with this girl. Ever.

This is about protecting him from himself. He has been given a degree of freedom that he could not cope with & used it to do things that could damage his whole life.

If a child is being bullied, it is not ‘nice’ or kind to facilitate their committing serious offences - quite the opposite! it is monstrously cruel & irresponsible!

The images are out there now. I don’t know what you do about that.

This with bells on

With all due respect, you are unhinged and prime example of what's wrong in the world. Normalising sex at a young age, instead of instilling morals and values. What's your plans then when one of your children come back home pregnant at the age of 13 ?

Children having sex isn’t normal. I’ve reported your post.

No @SillyJilly2020, this is not normal. I have a 14 year DGD and she is not having sex! OMG I can’t believe you feel this is normal. Where did you grow up, that it was normal. I actually believe you!

Even you OP, “please post your opinions”, when he can have his phone back. I am going to be harsh, but when he gets his phone back is the least of your problems. What’s done is done, but this is upsetting. Yes I know kids have sex, but, come on!

I think that 16 is too young for consent and many teens want to do it before they turn 16. I think 18 would be preferable by law. I would be mortified as a parent. I think banning him from seeing her could be difficult as will he find a way round it? But I would be discouraging it as much as possible. I would be trying to have open conversation with ds. I would also be massively worried that she is younger and sharing images is a massive no. As he has already been bullied what if she shared them.

She's 13. You need to out a stop to this.