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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

my dd has asked if she can go on pill

29 replies

narkymum · 20/04/2008 09:06

she is 14 had a bf for 5 months she promises me she has not had sex but it seems so young to be thinking about this

OP posts:
chamaeleon · 20/04/2008 09:08

asking is a very grown up thing to do. i know loads of people on here have said on similar threads that its too young but i know lots of people who had sex at 14. personally i would take her to the docs and get it

SmugColditz · 20/04/2008 09:12

Take her to the doctors or she might be asking in 6 months if she should have an abortion.

She's been very mature in coming to you. Well done for raising such a sensible daughter!

Hassled · 20/04/2008 09:12

I guess it's good that she's being responsible, but I would hesitate at only 14. Does she realise her BF could potentially get into a lot of trouble while she's under the age of consent? And the pill won't protect her from STIs - she'd still need to use condoms.

My DD went on the pill at 16, with my support - but then she was legally old enough.

It's a tough one - still better the pill now than an unwanted pregnancy, and it's good that she felt she could ask you about it, but I think you need to do a lot more talking.

ImightbeLulumama · 20/04/2008 09:14

agree with hassled, especially re using condoms... also, with the pill, there is the element of forgetting to take it,antibiotics interfering , D&V interfering with it, so would not hurt to have a belt and braces approach.

Makingdo · 20/04/2008 09:15

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MaryAnnSingleton · 20/04/2008 09:19

is her boyfriend putting pressure on her ? my much older bf didn't exactly make me go on the pill at 17 but exerted enough pressure to make me feel it wasn't an option

Blandmum · 20/04/2008 09:20

I think that asking you was a mature and sensible thing to do. I think that it also shows that she has a very good relationship with you.

personally I think that 14 is too young, and (in your position) I would want to know if she is really ready for a sexual relationship, with all the emotion that it brings, or if she feels that she 'should' have sex because 'everyone' is having sex.

if she does go on the pill, I would encorage her to also use a condom to protect her from stds

PenelopePitstops · 20/04/2008 09:23

very mature thing to ask and proves you have a good relationship

I would let her, but tell her this doent mean she is ready for a sexual relationship,go to teh doc with her if she wants you to and obviously use condoms aswell

harpymum · 20/04/2008 09:29

14 is very young, and, am I wrong, or isn't the age of consent still 16?

So her boyfriend would be breaking the law if he had sex with her...do they know this?

SmugColditz · 20/04/2008 09:33

I'm sure they do know.

reality is though, that young people have sex. They do. So we can either give them the resources to prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancy (and I am also an advocate of the belt and braces approach), or we can say "No you're too young, it's not legal" and if they are VERY strong and independent, they'll get to the doc themselves - if not, well, they're left to flounder really.

Blandmum · 20/04/2008 09:36

But the majority of young people don't have sex at 14. and she needs to make her decision (the dd) knowing this.

I get the feeling that lots if young people have sex because they feel they should ('Because everyone is doing it, Mum') not because it is really right for them.

Makingdo · 20/04/2008 09:39

Message withdrawn

SmugColditz · 20/04/2008 09:41

Well, I only have my personal experience, and that of my friends at that age. We were young, but God we had our heads screwed on.

I'm not advocating having sex at 14, you have the rest of your life to do something which frankly isn't that good with a teenaged boy, but I strongly advocate contraception, and a talk on How To Say NO, and that No, his balls won't pop.

Remind her that saying NO won't hurt, having sex won't garner his love or respect (she's either got that or she hasn't although I'm sure she has by now) but I would still allow the contraception, because it must have taken some guts to come and ask you, and if you allow this she will feel safe to come to you in the future.

Original poster
narkymum · 20/04/2008 09:42

thanks yes he is 15 we have talked about it alot she says would use condom as well cos of stds i feel she is not emotionally able to deal with this also have spelt out ib the eyes of law of they have sex he bf 16 next month he would be breaking law and would be classed as a pedo. she has been asking what i would do if she got pregnant for a few weeks then asked about pill. I have also said i feel that if she has sex at 14 with her first bf then she is setting the presedent for all relasionships and she may not meet the right one till shes in her 30s. then again if i said no it wouldnt stop her i also think it would be embarresing to buy condoms for them

OP posts:
SmugColditz · 20/04/2008 09:45

So you have basically told her that if she says yes this time she can never say no again?

That's not what I would try to teach a teenaged girl, to be honest. It's certainly not true, and she'll know that by talking to other people.

LaComtesse · 20/04/2008 10:02

You don't have to sleep with all your bfs (or any of them! )but I think maybe the OP is saying her daughter may regret it later on when she meets someone she is more into if this relationship doesn't go the course.

Mind some people do meet their OHs at 14/15 and stay married for years. Probably rarer nowadays but it's not to say.....

I think you should feel pleased that you can discuss it with your daughter - you must be very close .

DiabloCody · 20/04/2008 10:12

Talk to her also about STD's .... the pill won't cover those!

Condoms are the best for that age!

littleducks · 20/04/2008 10:12

realistically she could easily get it prescribed without your knowledge, so she has chosen to come to you for support and advice.that shows strength in your relationship.

i dont like hormonal contraception, think it messes with your body and it is a shame such young girls are taking it BUT it is better than the consequences, especially as using condoms takes a technique for putting on and off that may involve practice, so double protection is important

VanillaPumpkin · 20/04/2008 10:13

I think the OP is right that it sets a precident for future relationships. You don't think so hard about having sex with someone once you have lost your virginity imo.
My first time was with a boyfriend of two years. I didn't have sex with all my boyfriends from then on, but I didn't wait that long again either....

Moomin · 20/04/2008 10:23

Is there any chance of talking to her about some alternatives to penetrative sex if she feels the relationship is ready to be taken to another level - or have they been doing this anyway and now think they are ready for sex?

I would think that her approach is preferable to a) not being able to talk to you b) having a steady boyfriend rather than having sex with someone at a party, for instance. I would say that some 14 year olds seem more mature than others and, although I would always advocate waiting until it's a least legal, it's hard to stop a teenager once they've made their mind up.

I would say the best thing you can do is carry on talking to her - speak frankly about STIs, about being emotionally ready, about the side effects of taking the pill or any other hormonal contraceptive, the need to use condoms as well... and then the decision is hers, I suppose. And make it clear that if she does decide to go ahead with having sex, she can still talk to you about the way it might make her feel.

jammi · 20/04/2008 12:48

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vixnpips · 20/04/2008 18:34

If you say no you and DD might really regret it. I would be tempted to go to the family planning / GP with her and discuss all options and STIs.
From experience the pill doesn't always work. ( getting DS1 13 to wave at you guys). would she be prepared in this instance? I would be really supportive and keep the communication going.

StarlightMcKenzie · 20/04/2008 18:42

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RIELOVESBACARDI · 20/04/2008 18:49

let her, i wish i could of asked my mum at that age but didn't have that sort of relationship, it is happening at 14 now more than people think, i'm 36 now and it was going on when i was that age

StarlightMcKenzie · 20/04/2008 18:50

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